Is it rude to always reverse invitations

[Drearydiedre]

We have some friends who moved to our area a couple of years ago. It turns out our paths have crossed in the past - dhs worked at the same company years ago and got on well. Dc go to the same school and get on. Dd is always wanting their dd over to play.

Over the last couple of years I have invited them to a handful of things. They are lovely and polite but always reverse the invitation so that it happens at their house. For example if I invite their dd for a playdate, somehow my dd ends up there. Eg 'lovely idea! Actually we have the pool out why doesn't your dd come here tomorrow?'. I invited the mum over for coffee when we were walking back from the school run on our days off but somehow the coffee happened at hers even though we walked past my front door. It didn't really bother but yesterday I scrolled back through our messages and saw this had happened every single time. We have this weird situation now where we are pretty good family friends but none of them have set foot in our house and Dd is still desperate for a playdate at our house.

Is this rude? Do they just like things on their terms or is this a non issue? I am being asked to organise another playdate but am reluctant to as I know I won't be hosting!

Oh Lord, yes! Also the CF-ery of trying to change the plan after everyone else has already agreed.
It really depends. If I'm meeting a friend for the sole purpose of catching up with them happy for suggestions. But sometimes, it's a specific thing I want to do , would be nice to have company. I'm not changing it.

I think I knew someone like this , she did accept one or two of my invites but then I' went to HERS and took donations of FOOD ,which was never eaten in front of me ( but saved till later)....after reading the room s few times I realised that shes very fastidious about doing things HER way,; about GERMS...Theres s lot of strange things hoing on. All sorts of people. Another friend drank endless cups of tea.....and never ATE. Another friend sat chatting for hours. Never drank anything. Another friend ate and drank all sorts and stole my DH.

@Vonesk stole your dh 😱😱

It may be that one or more members of the family have anxieties or something like that which makes it difficult for them to go to other people's houses. For example, my son has SEN and I avoid going to people's houses as know it unsettles him and he misbehaves and I don't trust him in other people's houses not to have a meltdown. It's unlikely to be anything to do with you or your DD and more to do with their personal situation.

I think there are people who love hosting and people who prefer to be hosted. We have friends that feel more comfortable in their own home and not keen on walking home, whereas we are happy to go over and walk back. However, if they have never been over or even allowed DD over that is a bit much, I would try and push the point that your DD wants her over and see how it goes.

I’d call it out!

funny, we always end up at your house, don’t like mine??

or

oh you always host, I feel bad, come over, no no. I insist. Well I was trying to be polite why not my house?

it might be an animal or gluten allergy. Or they just like staying home.

but honestly I’d start inviting them for dinner once a week - lol!

No its not rude. If they made it happen at your place after they'd invited you, that would be rude. Not a massive deal.

People are different though, I think sometimes we really overthink these things. Just go with the flow, there doesn’t seem to be any harm in it or any malice.

To me this is more rude and I would stop hanging out with someone making snarky remarks at basically nothing

"Actually dd would really like your dd to come to ours. "