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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel ignored and disrespected.

100 replies

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 09:20

Been dating this guy and been on 4 dates ,Last date we had sex and we have been texting everyday since then.
It's been 2 days now his behaviour is off.

He texted 2 days ago saying good morning etc and I replied an hour later then I heard nothing all day.

I tried to call him yesterday morning and he didn't pick up but 20 mins later he texts me again saying good morning and asking about my day but not mentioning the call as in sorry i cant speak on the phone.

I replied 10 mins later and again I haven't heard from him ,it'd been 24 hrs.
We have been on 4 dates but he has said a lot of things to me about not dating other ppl and wanting a relationship.
He was also travelling either on Wednesday or Thursday.

I feel so ignored and disrespected that I am about to text him that whatever this was we are done

It feels like the moment I reply he gets reassurance that I am not mad or anything and ignores again.

I dont mind not speaking to him but him not being considerate enough to send a text saying that he will be very busy in the upcoming days and might not be able to talk to me is what is upsetting me.
Why he initiates convo himself but then nothing ?
Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 12:54

@johann12
I feel that he feels since I slept with him he now has me so why bother ,I will be here waiting for him regardless ,which is not true.
I stopped talking to other guys and he is sure I have done so but I got back on the app today as I am feeling I put all my eggs in one basket here while he might have not done the same.

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 09/08/2024 12:55

cupcaske123 · 09/08/2024 09:31

He's not into you OP, I'm sorry.

You slept with him too soon!
From now on you will possibly be his booty call!
Don’t get dragged into that.

Dump him and give the next one along more time, however horny you feel.

Peonies007 · 09/08/2024 12:57

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 09:20

Been dating this guy and been on 4 dates ,Last date we had sex and we have been texting everyday since then.
It's been 2 days now his behaviour is off.

He texted 2 days ago saying good morning etc and I replied an hour later then I heard nothing all day.

I tried to call him yesterday morning and he didn't pick up but 20 mins later he texts me again saying good morning and asking about my day but not mentioning the call as in sorry i cant speak on the phone.

I replied 10 mins later and again I haven't heard from him ,it'd been 24 hrs.
We have been on 4 dates but he has said a lot of things to me about not dating other ppl and wanting a relationship.
He was also travelling either on Wednesday or Thursday.

I feel so ignored and disrespected that I am about to text him that whatever this was we are done

It feels like the moment I reply he gets reassurance that I am not mad or anything and ignores again.

I dont mind not speaking to him but him not being considerate enough to send a text saying that he will be very busy in the upcoming days and might not be able to talk to me is what is upsetting me.
Why he initiates convo himself but then nothing ?
Am I overreacting?

He is married/dating. Classic thing is to say he is going abroad with family (wife and kids) and there is no cell service.
Sorry OP.
Happened to me.

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 13:02

@Peonies007
It could be that but we are both from same Eastern European country and most of us visit every summer ,I am going there in 2 weeks.
We don't have European roaming he would either rely on WiFi or buy there a local sim card.
He has mentioned going there months ago but told me the date last week when I asked.
It could be that he is married and his wife is there waiting for him

OP posts:
johann12 · 09/08/2024 13:12

Maybe he will pick up on "chasing" you again

CarlieF · 09/08/2024 13:13

"Traditional role" 🙄

Lorapots · 09/08/2024 13:17

OP are you actually in a relationship with him now? You said he spoke of “wanting” to be in a relationship and to be exclusive , but did he actually ask if you can be in a relationship and then did you agree?

I’m just trying to figure out the nature of your current relationship as it stands now.

Also hope you used protection.

Peonies007 · 09/08/2024 13:38

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 13:02

@Peonies007
It could be that but we are both from same Eastern European country and most of us visit every summer ,I am going there in 2 weeks.
We don't have European roaming he would either rely on WiFi or buy there a local sim card.
He has mentioned going there months ago but told me the date last week when I asked.
It could be that he is married and his wife is there waiting for him

From Eastern Europe myself. My parents live in area with almost non existent cell signal. I use skype/whats up to keep in touch. Internet still exists.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/08/2024 13:49

oh my goodness, 4 dates is not a relationship

you need to work on your issues again

you have gone from feeling disrespected to saying now you think he was/is testing you

you are two grown adults having consensual sex

you don't come across as someone old enough to have been married 10 years, and gone through a divorce

how can you end something that isn't !

4 dates and sex does not equal a relationship

he is away, in a different country

M340 · 09/08/2024 13:52

You need to calm the fuck down, kindly OP.

This is all too much. Stop being a bunny boiler.

Crazycatlady79 · 09/08/2024 13:54

You honestly don't need to text him to tell him that you're "done", as he's clearly indicating that he's "done". Just delete his details and move on.

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 14:03

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
I didn't say I am in a relationship I said end whatever this is.
I know is the age of casual relationships and people playing it indefinitely cool but I was clear with him that a casual relationship is not what I want and he Said he wants a relationship not just sex and many other things.
Now of course he was lying but that doesn't mean I shouldn't call him out on his lying at some point.

OP posts:
EveningSpread · 09/08/2024 17:48

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 12:19

@Catza
I haven't expressed anything for him ignoring my last text as the ball is on his court won't be chasing him but on our last date I casualy expressd to him that I would like communication to be a little better and maybe talk on the phone once in a while and he agreed.
Before asking me on a third date he seemed to be pulling away and I kept my cool ,when we finally met the convo came to it where I said that on first stages of dating the man should expresses interest in a woman in such a way so that she feels secure to also give interest back hinting that I won't be chasing him.
He said he liked that I wasn't chasing and keeping my traditional role in dating as a woman.
He hinted that he was testing me and now I see that was a red flag.

You two don't sound compatible. I'd throw this one back and be grateful it was only 4 dates worth of effort/investment.

notatinydancer · 09/08/2024 21:06

Traditional role ??!

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 21:22

@notatinydancer
Yes he apparently liked that I don't chase him ,it's a common thing where I am from.
After all this advice I have deleted his number ,if he wants contact he knows mine.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2024 21:55

You keep saying he has you now you've slept together, what do you mean by this?

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 10/08/2024 08:36

@Idontjetwashthefucker
That he thinks since I slept with him I will just hang around and take whatever breadcrumbs he is giving me.
He is the first person I sleep with after 10 yrs marriage

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/08/2024 08:51

OP you sound very upset and vulnerable.
While replies saying he’s not into you, stop chasing him are true, it’s clear you have really been hurt.
If you were my daughter this would be my advice…
Stop dating.
After a 10 year marriage you need to build your self esteem and your own life. It is really important.
Take a complete break from trying to meet a man because right now you are clearly struggling.
And if and when you do date again get to know someone slowly. Don’t listen to words too much, look at actions. Get to know about someone at a slower pace to see who they really are.
At the moment, you are hurt because you’ve been intimate with someone who is not for you.
Take some time for yourself and do things you enjoy.
Build your confidence in yourself.

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 10/08/2024 16:39

@PeggyMitchellsCameo
I waited till today which was the third day since our last message and I called him from my other number and he answered.
I calmly asked how is he doing and he said he is fine etc.
He was clearly busy and I asked him if he is ignoring me on purpose (I am generally direct like that),my tone was not demanding just flat and calm.
He said no he is not and that he will call me later as he is with some people right now so I said OK I understand but just so you know this is not OK(his behaviour)so he said again I will call you later.
He probably won't but I don't regret calling him as I couldn't take feeling like this without expressing my annoyance in some form.
FYI he has been on holiday before and would text like normal, if one is interested will find the time for a 3 second text.
If he doesn't call I will just block him and move on.

OP posts:
johann12 · 10/08/2024 17:21

I would feel really awkward if I slept with someone at the 4th date. I think men get a lot of judgement for this, not being more mature about things, but \i think it's kind of natural that you might distance yourself. I get how you're feeling though, it isn't nice. It could be that he was planning on staying in touch and seeing you again, just didn't need it to be every day ?

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 10/08/2024 17:36

@johann12
He seemed quite good in communication after sex and enthusiastic it happened as he expressed that but now all of sudden this.
Texting was everyday and usually initiated by him most times.

OP posts:
johann12 · 10/08/2024 17:38

Hmm. Of course, it could be he is "testing" you again. It's hard to say

Lorapots · 10/08/2024 17:42

It sounds like he was on a high from the sex but once he was able to process things, it left him feeling as if he didn’t want a relationship with you.

Men are very clear and obvious if they want you. He wouldn’t treat someone he wanted or valued like this. He seemed to have enjoyed the chase and now it’s finished, he’s gone.

Block and move on.

Original poster
BeAzureNewt · 10/08/2024 17:44

@johann12
If he is its a quite cruel thing to do ,he seemed quite insecure during sex due to his size and playing games to get me hooked is really unacceptable but I guess only he knows ,I am taking all this as a sign of disinterest

OP posts:
Catza · 10/08/2024 17:48

BeAzureNewt · 10/08/2024 16:39

@PeggyMitchellsCameo
I waited till today which was the third day since our last message and I called him from my other number and he answered.
I calmly asked how is he doing and he said he is fine etc.
He was clearly busy and I asked him if he is ignoring me on purpose (I am generally direct like that),my tone was not demanding just flat and calm.
He said no he is not and that he will call me later as he is with some people right now so I said OK I understand but just so you know this is not OK(his behaviour)so he said again I will call you later.
He probably won't but I don't regret calling him as I couldn't take feeling like this without expressing my annoyance in some form.
FYI he has been on holiday before and would text like normal, if one is interested will find the time for a 3 second text.
If he doesn't call I will just block him and move on.

I thought you deleted his number...