Page 2 | To feel ignored and disrespected.

tetheredgoat · 09/08/2024 10:40

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 10:37

@tetheredgoat
He has met me and therefore has me now so he puts less effort hoping I will put up with it

he has more than ‘met you’ - no effort now required - not only are you putting up with it, you are chasing for more of the same, determinedly, despite the sound advice of we experienced ladies here - I’m out

LBFseBrom · 09/08/2024 10:46

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 09:57

@Catza
I reply quite soon after he texts then silence ,he is abroad for holidays visiting family and my issue is not him not texting me is him not being respectful enough to tell me that in this upcoming days he will be busy with no cellular service and he will check in if he can.
In the time it took him to send me second text asking about my day he could have also written that.
It's like he wants to check if I will reply or be angry at him ?

This is a very new, young, relationship, Bet, AzureNewt.

In your first post you said he hadn't been in touch for 24 hours and that really is not very long. I'm sure he will text or call you soon but he is busy. It's not disrespectful to leave it a bit longer than a day to make contact.

You are being a bit too eager, I suggest you back off.

The guy may really be into you or he may feel cautious but you showing too much enthusiasm could overwhelm him and it makes you look needy. Try to be independent and a bit more casual.

I wish you good luck with this or any further relationship.

letsjustdothis · 09/08/2024 10:46

You've been on 4 dates, nothing official so you don't need to officially end it. Just don't text him again.

He clearly has someone else on the go and just wanted sex.

As advice above, don't have sex with someone if you want a serious relationship with them. It shows their real intentions.

pikkumyy77 · 09/08/2024 10:46

Work on yourself and your attachment issues—not on your mind reading skills. If he is not that into you that will become apparent in time. Maybe wait to throw the man out with the other three fay old fish until he has been in your life for slightly more than four dates?

CarlieF · 09/08/2024 10:47

I'd personally just say have a fab time and get in touch when you're back....wanting constant texts is a lot and it's only early days and he is abroad. I think you've posted about this last week too havent you?

LBFseBrom · 09/08/2024 10:48

pikkumyy77 · 09/08/2024 10:46

Work on yourself and your attachment issues—not on your mind reading skills. If he is not that into you that will become apparent in time. Maybe wait to throw the man out with the other three fay old fish until he has been in your life for slightly more than four dates?

Very sensible.

MonsteraMama · 09/08/2024 10:48

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he might just be busy and assuming that because you're a grown adult woman you don't need to have it spelled out to you when he can and can't text you - most people would assume "abroad visiting family" means "less time for texting".

Realistically though this is probably the post shag slow fade.

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 10:48

@letsjustdothis
I had sex with ex husband on 2nd date and we stayed married for 10 years if he likes me sex would not be the issue here.

OP posts:

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 10:55

@MonsteraMama
Don't want him to text non stop just be more communicative and considerate about it
I am an adult if he says he can't communicate too much I get it.
He is going to be away for 2 weeks and as soon as he comes back I will go away for 2 weeks.
1 month without contact then ?

OP posts:

johann12 · 09/08/2024 10:57

Why don't you text him ? It might make you feel better when he responds. Just say hope you're having a nice time

TaylorBrown · 09/08/2024 11:01

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 09:20

Been dating this guy and been on 4 dates ,Last date we had sex and we have been texting everyday since then.
It's been 2 days now his behaviour is off.

He texted 2 days ago saying good morning etc and I replied an hour later then I heard nothing all day.

I tried to call him yesterday morning and he didn't pick up but 20 mins later he texts me again saying good morning and asking about my day but not mentioning the call as in sorry i cant speak on the phone.

I replied 10 mins later and again I haven't heard from him ,it'd been 24 hrs.
We have been on 4 dates but he has said a lot of things to me about not dating other ppl and wanting a relationship.
He was also travelling either on Wednesday or Thursday.

I feel so ignored and disrespected that I am about to text him that whatever this was we are done

It feels like the moment I reply he gets reassurance that I am not mad or anything and ignores again.

I dont mind not speaking to him but him not being considerate enough to send a text saying that he will be very busy in the upcoming days and might not be able to talk to me is what is upsetting me.
Why he initiates convo himself but then nothing ?
Am I overreacting?

He doesn't want you dating anyone else and wants to be in a relationship after 4 dates?
Yeah he got what he wanted time to say bye bye

Bobbotgegrinch · 09/08/2024 11:01

You've only been on 4 dates and he's on holiday! You're acting like your husband isn't keeping in touch with you.

You know he's away, you know he's likely to be busy as a result. He's making sure he makes contact every morning before he gets busy. Just wait until he gets back and then pick up where you left off.

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 11:09

@TaylorBrown
We are both easter European and in our 30s ,In our country and our generation find it quite normal to only date one person at a time and quite unacceptable the opposite especially if there is sex involved.
He asked me on our first phone call 2 days after matching if I have dating anyone else from the app and asked the same after we had sex which make me think there might be some insecurity here.

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MonsteraMama · 09/08/2024 11:14

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 10:55

@MonsteraMama
Don't want him to text non stop just be more communicative and considerate about it
I am an adult if he says he can't communicate too much I get it.
He is going to be away for 2 weeks and as soon as he comes back I will go away for 2 weeks.
1 month without contact then ?

Ok so you have three choices then don't you?

Accept that this is the level of communication he's giving you (on holiday, with family, most people wouldn't need to be told that that means "busy")

You communicate with him and explain that you expect more communication than this (on the understanding that this might put him off you hugely)

End it because it's not working for you.

That's kind of it. No one can read his mind and he can't read yours. Either talk to him or accept that this one ain't it.

Cantwaitforautumn · 09/08/2024 11:16

Step away from your phone. As hard as it is you need to keep yourself busy and not give him any more head space.
If he likes you he will be in contact but I'd say you need to move on.

Imperrysmum · 09/08/2024 11:16

Stop trying to pick apart his behaviour the bottom line is;

he’s just not that into you

EveningSpread · 09/08/2024 11:51

This all sounds juvenile and exhausting.

If his level of contact has changed I can see why that would be concerning, but (a) he’s away, (b) you can’t make someone to behave how you would, (c) people won’t always meet your requirements or expectations if you haven’t communicated them.

Either way, you’re too invested in this and giving him way too much head space - it does sound desperate.

It can be hard to stay calm and draw your own conclusions from someone’s withdrawal but it’s the only way if you want to keep your dignity. Plus perhaps he’s just occupied but the way you’re going you’re going to blow it up regardless.

I agree with previous posters to work on your anxieties and attachment issues. And just have confidence and enjoy your life! Don’t sit around overanalysing or ruminating. Surely you have better things to do? If it turns out he’s withdrawing so what, life goes on.

johann12 · 09/08/2024 11:54

I don't think she sounds desperate. Vulnerable maybe

Catza · 09/08/2024 12:07

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 10:32

@CarlieF
He told me he was going away a week before but when he texted back second time he could have said travelling today I won't be able to talk or the night before as we were talking he could have said smth.
But I am an anxious attachment style so hence I am here getting second opinions I might be overreacting.

But you are not listening to opinions that differ from your own. You are aware you have anxious attachment issues and, therefore, thrive on reassurance. That is something you CAN work on. Mind-reading skills, not so much.
So far I don't see any evidence of you even attempting to communicate to him your concerns about his perceived lack of communication. It's all "ifs" and "buts". If you can't communicate, you are not ready to be in a relationship. It is bloody exhausting to be with someone who requires this level of reassurance. I had a similar experience with someone I started dating. I went away to see my family and he texted me constantly and was acting all weird about me "going off him". I was on holiday seeing my family whom I haven't seen for a year. Damn right I wasn't going to prioritise an early stage relationship at the expense of that. I dumped him as soon as I got home and, thankfully, he took feedback on board and started therapy.
Be careful that you don't create a self-fulfilling prophecy situation.

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 12:19

@Catza
I haven't expressed anything for him ignoring my last text as the ball is on his court won't be chasing him but on our last date I casualy expressd to him that I would like communication to be a little better and maybe talk on the phone once in a while and he agreed.
Before asking me on a third date he seemed to be pulling away and I kept my cool ,when we finally met the convo came to it where I said that on first stages of dating the man should expresses interest in a woman in such a way so that she feels secure to also give interest back hinting that I won't be chasing him.
He said he liked that I wasn't chasing and keeping my traditional role in dating as a woman.
He hinted that he was testing me and now I see that was a red flag.

OP posts:

Catza · 09/08/2024 12:24

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 12:19

@Catza
I haven't expressed anything for him ignoring my last text as the ball is on his court won't be chasing him but on our last date I casualy expressd to him that I would like communication to be a little better and maybe talk on the phone once in a while and he agreed.
Before asking me on a third date he seemed to be pulling away and I kept my cool ,when we finally met the convo came to it where I said that on first stages of dating the man should expresses interest in a woman in such a way so that she feels secure to also give interest back hinting that I won't be chasing him.
He said he liked that I wasn't chasing and keeping my traditional role in dating as a woman.
He hinted that he was testing me and now I see that was a red flag.

So next time you create the post, I suggest you provide complete information and not drip feed about past red flags pages into it.
To be honest, the "traditional role" comment would be enough to send me packing.

Parkmybentley · 09/08/2024 12:28

Wishimaywishimight · 09/08/2024 10:38

You've only been on a few dates and he is now abroad visiting family. Can't you just say "have a great time, see you when you get back?". If you make contacting you feel like an obligation he will likely lose interest pretty quickly. You are not in a relationship, he's not that invested, nor should you be at this early stage (regardless of sex).

This.

Bye, have fun!

Then let him reach out to you when he's back - or he might not!

Lesson learned, don't shag someone where you'll feel vulnerable afterwards unless you're willing to accept that.

Btw 3/4 months is a good length of time to weed out the casual ones like this. MN isn't a fan of "the rules" but it stops situations like this so I'll always recommend it.

Pussycat22 · 09/08/2024 12:32

Married. Booty call. You're worth more

Original poster

BeAzureNewt · 09/08/2024 12:48

@Parkmybentley
Tbh sex wasn't mindblowing but for some reason I am now feeling used and naive to the point of disgust.
Never dated always been on relationships in past so lesson learnt.
If there is no contact today I will send a short message wishing him well and that this is not working for me.

OP posts:

johann12 · 09/08/2024 12:49

So you don't want to chase, and he... doesn't ? want you to chase... and he tests to see if you will chase. And you want him to be more present, and he wants to be less present. And you feel disrespected now. What do you feel his intentions are right now ? To make you feel that way ? Do you think he's that kind of guy ?