To ask if you’ve ever suddenly stopped talking to a friend?

[thoughtfulfriend]

I saw a post here recently from a poster whose friend had suddenly stopped talking to them, and it got me thinking. I want to ask from the other side… have you ever just stopped talking to a friend?

What were your reasons for doing so? Did you eventually reach out to them again, if so why? Or did they contact you? What happened after that? Did you continue the friendship or choose to move on?

For context, I haven’t ghosted a friend myself. I usually prefer to communicate openly and end things directly when needed. I’m just really curious to hear others’ experiences and understand what might lead someone to cut off contact suddenly, and whether or not they reconsidered it later.

Hope the OP doesn’t mind me using their post as inspiration!

I did.

My mum had been rushed into hospital and was very seriously ill. Messaged a friend saying that and she never replied despite being online (and posting in a shared Discord). Not even an emoji.

We haven't spoken since.

Yes, friends since school and very close. I had my 30th, hen do and wedding in the same year and she sat with a face on her at all times like she wanted to ruin them (she was happy between these events and had nothing bad going on - we were very close and shared everything so I would have know if there was). After my wedding day she spent the next year planning her own wedding and would repeatedly list everything she hated about my wedding day. She then ignored my birthday and went to a bar in the next street to my house with other friends that day and didn’t invite me. I realised at this point she couldn’t be happy for me and she was very childish and competitive. I was due to be her bridesmaid and I text her a couple of months before the wedding and told her we’d drifted apart and I didn’t think it would be appropriate for me to attend the wedding and that was the end of our friendship! I would never ghost someone

Yes, I have, once. For reasons I think everyone here would agree with. It was definitely to do with them. I made a decision to delete them from all contact lists and social media.

Five years later I have no regrets. I did consider whether I should talk to them first but they were a bit of a negative snarky person anyway, so I decided not to. If it bothered them, they could contact me, though it wouldn't take a genius to work out why I'd done it. At this point if they contacted me, I don't think I'd be interested at all.

I heard from a mutual connection that they had noticed and posted a rather woe is me post on social media about it.

No but I had it the other way around where a friend 'dumped' me.

She'd been behaving strangely for a while such as out of the blue saying she was splitting up with her husband saying he was abusive when she'd never mentioned it before. Her description of 'abuse' seemed really minor to me. But then she still expected him to behave like a husband like asking him around to do jobs in the house for her, deciding about where he should live and expected to be fully financially supported by him.

Then she started talking about cutting her parents off as she was sick of their attitude towards her.

Then she cut a friend of 30 years off over something really minor, like they didn't phone back on the day they said they would.

Then all of a sudden cut me off. I tried to reach out as I was concerned about this behaviour but got grey rocked.

She'd been having counselling and it seemed to me like this counselling had given her some very strange ideas.

To be honest though I wasn't upset about being cut off as she always wanted more from me than what I could give. It was a relief to be free from the friendship.

However it does concern me that she's cut out all the people closest to her and I occasionally wonder how she's getting on and if she has some kind of illness as the behaviour was a little bit bizarre.

But then she'd always had some strange ideas. My other half used to refer to her as 'Mad Susan'rather than just calling her Susan.

I have. This “friend” used me. Took money, never paid her way, left me on nights out if she pulled a bloke for sex, had abortions as a form of contraception. When I needed support she was never around but I dropped everything for her when she needed me (for money or childcare).
I had a life changing experience which left me disabled and she kept moaning because I couldn’t continue what I was doing for her. I ended up just stopping contact which was hard as we went to school together and I loved her kids but realised I couldn’t continue this way.
its been several years now but no regrets.

Having been a friend who was ghosted

Many years ago now by my best friend completely out of the blue. To this day I have no idea why- it still hurts, there was no sign- please don't do this, honesty and communication gives closure

I have only once. The friend was quite difficult and demanding anyway and seemed to delight in putting me down. I kept passing this off as her 'humour'. But then we would arrange to meet up at the pub say and she would invite other people I were not expecting and then sort of 'show off' to them by putting me down and making fun of me. Once she suggested we meet at 1 pm and i got there just before 1 and she was there with others, they had already ordered and got their food and were eating and she started berating me for 'always being late'. I checked the texts she had sent and it was definitely 1 so a set up.

There was a final straw moment (although the above was almost the final straw) but it's too outing as i was talking about it this week to some friends who I know are on MN. But another incident happened and I just stood up, walked out and never spoke to her again. Nor did she ever try and contact me.

The 'friendship' was over a period of only about 2 years but I'm amazed i lasted that long tbh.

I had a friend for a good fifteen years we were really close. The last few years I started to struggle with her some of her views around immigration (this was more than ten years ago) I disagreed with and she made some homophobic comments. At first I told my self I misunderstood but it became clear I hadn't. She was also massively unsupportive when my son was born with additional needs . It came to a crux when our dds fell out and she got in the middle of it. I had invited her to my wedding, by that point we were down to occasional texts but she came to the wedding and then we never spoke again. (It seemed to be mutual on both sides)

There was this old friend who kept taking months to reply to me, she ignored me completely when I’d send a text to see how she was doing. I logged back onto Facebook about a year later and saw she was completely fine and had even got married. I deleted her from FB and she texted me the following week to say hi so I reckon she noticed. I never replied to her. I don’t have anything against her and she’s still on my LinkedIn but I realise she was probably over the friendship and after that - so was I, and it was best we both just moved on from each other.

Another old friend - I messaged her at the start of the pandemic/lock down in March 2020 to see how she was. I’d spoken to her last a few months earlier. She was doing fine and just came back from a walk. I ended up sharing some really happy news with her, it was basically a lifelong dream that had been achieved in my creative career. She had asked for an update on it at regular intervals over the past year or so, but increasingly I’d felt wary she was checking up on me to make sure I hadn’t achieved it.

So I was a bit nervous to tell her my news in case my fears were confirmed. As half- expected, she wasn’t happy for me but I was shocked at how obvious she was. She just abruptly stopped replying to me mid conversation and I could see the WhatsApp blue tick showing that she’d read it.

She eventually messaged me in June and about something else (the BLM movement going on at the time!) . And kind of tagged on at the end “oh yeah hope [lifelong dream opportunity] is going ok.”

Ugh, such casual disrespect and downplaying of what I’d achieved. No mention of “congrats” or “I’m happy for you” or “sorry I took 3 months to reply!!” I completely ignored that text and then the one after that she sent a few weeks later. I didn’t hear from her again and haven’t reached out. She must’ve got the message because I’m someone who is usually very good at replying to texts.

I think in both instances my now former friends know why I stopped talking to them. IMO there was nothing to discuss in either situation as they had both showed me what they thought of me really. I can’t talk them into valuing or caring about me more 🤷‍♀️

Yes I cut off completely from my longest best friend almost 3 years ago. Too complex and too long a story to explain but essentially I was forever trying to help her rid the toxic people from her life then I realised she was the toxic in mine. My life has been so much less drama without her

And just to add, I’m ND so since being a young girl I’ve always had to work a bit more at friendships and figuring out social norms.

I think overall I try hard and will happily be the person trying to maintain friendships and arrange calls or in person meet ups. I’m a bit slow in realising when a friendship has gone bad or lost its shine.

However as soon I realise a friendship is too one-sided or lacking in mutual respect and goodwill I’ll quickly exit. The penny just drops one day and then I’ll notice there has been a pattern leading up to the final trigger.

My best friend of 11 years did this, it was absolutely brutal, went from mostly daily chat, tons of play dates and holidays to complete silence.

It been a year now and it's less sad but very awkward, I know we'll bump into each other at some stage. My children who considered her family have been very curious about it and it's been hard to explain.

Basically she got drunk and revealed something she regretted or is embarrassed about, I'd have happily pretended it was never said but there we go.

I haven’t ghosted a friend no, more of a slow fade because I can’t deal with how difficult it is to try and get together. Makes everything seem like she’s going to the ends of the earth just to see you

I kind of phased someone out this year. It was an old friend I had reconnected with. Hadn't seen her since our teens and she hadn't really changed , still had a life full of self created drama and was really clingy. The nail in the coffin was a night out where she had to go home early due to childcare issues and she expected me to go home as well. She got very odd that I stayed on with the group and enjoyed my night. I'm too old for that kind of behaviour now. There was no massive falling out but I've just been quite and a bit busy. It's far easier this way

My best friend did this to me shortly after I got married-I was pregnant with my first. We had lived together for many years, she suddenly started dating someone from my office (a not so nice man).. she knew he wasn't and kept it secret. Then suddenly she moved miles away to live with him and I never heard from her again. I tried several times to reach out - I so wanted her to meet my first born and be part of our lives! Slightly hormonal and sleep deprived I admit to sending a few text messages saying how disappointed I was she'd just vanished like that. We'd been through so much together I just couldn't fathom why she'd done it. Anyway, I eventually deleted her number and moved on with my life. Had a second child and mum friends so was keeping busy! On my 40th birthday I received a message (years later) from a random number wishing me happy birthday! Only after I replied and said 'thank you but who is this' did I realise it was her.. she never replied and I never bothered to send another message. Gone from my life pfft! Interestingly I've never had a best friend since, in fact I've had issues around friendships ever since. Does she care? Probably not! Sad but true.

Yes, when I realised she was totally self-involved and full of drama. I'd always tolerated it but the final straw was when she wouldn't even bother meeting me, despite being happy to vent to me for literally hours per week. Good riddance.

A very close friend who I'd spent years with suddenly ghosted me during my most horrendous divorce to someone I really loved.
She disappeared for almost a year.
Then popped back after it was all over expecting us to resume the friendship as though nothing had happened.
Needless to say I wasn't interested.

I'm finding that many friendships I've made particularly as an adult have been transient! So when the class / work / hobby or whatever comes to an end it seems to be hard work keeping things going. Also so many people seem to have lots of drama / divorce atm it means the chats are very skewed one way. I have become a lot less social as I've got older and much happier to let things go. Also echo what pp said about micro aggressions and dropping the rope, I definitely do this these days. I want to be a friendly person with friends but I also want these friendships to be even and balanced as much as possible.

I had a friend of several years who got very drunk one night and told me that I was a cunt. Always thought I was a cunt. Still thinks I'm a cunt. Very specific about the choice of word.

Called me the next day, hungover and rather fuzzy about what had happened.

I related the conversation, put the phone down, and we never spoke again.

I haven't ghosted someone but I've stopped making time for someone who repeatedly lied, someone who didn't turn up to planned meet ups and more recently I have a mum friend I feel like I'm avoiding as I find her hard work (not sure how else to put it).

There's an also someone at work I am avoiding as we were friendly but he is a bit overbearing (I actually posted a thread). I wouldn't stop talking to him as he's a colleague and we have to work together but his behaviour really annoys me.

Yes I have. I've ghosted the same person three times over 30 years which sounds awful. I want to be her friend but she has absolutely no boundaries. Calling every day wanting hours long conversations, wanting to meet up most days , sending multiple text messages which are just relentless. Ive sit here down , explain that it's too much and I'm feeling overwhelmed but she never listens . In the end I go no contact . It's a shame really . I met her at work and we worked alongside each other for 8 hours a day , it wasn't until I left the job that i realised how intense she was .

Yes. Someone I had known since my uni days and for a while considered one of my closer friends. Over an 18 month period she just became increasingly........a bit twatish, not just to me but to others in the friendship group. She crossed the line with me when she made up some outright bullshit about me that was quite damaging and I called her out on it. I was going through a tricky patch in life and the last thing I needed was people making my life harder then it needed to be so I just ended the friendship. She reached out a few times years down the line and I was tempted to reconcile things but to he honest I was in a pretty good place by that stage and just did not need the drama so did not respond.

Yes.

We’d been friends through our partners when much younger, both teen mums with children a similar age. She left that partner because he was abusive and moved away. We also moved away.

Years later, I bumped into her by chance in my local supermarket. We got chatting, met up with all our children (we’d both since had more, her with her new husband) and spent time together. We even did a college course together. She’s a lovely girl, and it was really hard to break the friendship, but her new husband gave me the creeps. The way he treated her and her children (but not THEIR) children, in front of us, was awful so I hate to think how he behaved without us. He put her down, called her fat (she wasn’t, not that it makes any difference) and constantly referenced how he had ‘saved’ them from her ex. He hadn’t, she left long before meeting him.

My own ex partner was extremely abusive and I found him very triggering. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I do miss her and our friendship, and the children’s friendships too. Sometimes you have to protect yourself though.

I would never stop talking to someone altogether, as in ghost them/ignore them in the street, because I'm an adult.

There's one friend who's been causing a lot of drama with our friendship group though, and I've stopped contacting her because I don't want to spend time with her. I would always speak to her if I saw her and be polite.

Another friend I went very low contact with to the point of ghosting was a uni friend. During our time at uni she had one boyfriend, he was very sweet and loving to her, basically became part of our friendship group. Then after uni she came to visit me for a weekend and gleefully told me about an affair she had been having. She spent the entire weekend talking about the new fella. I was just disgusted that she would treat her partner that way, so grew distant with her.

she did notice and asked if that was the reason and I told her yes and that she should just break up with her boyfriend and let the poor guy find happiness with someone who respects him. She did, but the damage was done for us,

we basically stopped contacting each other until a major horrific life event happened to her and I offered her support so we spoke a little after that and then drifted again