To ask if you’ve ever suddenly stopped talking to a friend?

[thoughtfulfriend]

I saw a post here recently from a poster whose friend had suddenly stopped talking to them, and it got me thinking. I want to ask from the other side… have you ever just stopped talking to a friend?

What were your reasons for doing so? Did you eventually reach out to them again, if so why? Or did they contact you? What happened after that? Did you continue the friendship or choose to move on?

For context, I haven’t ghosted a friend myself. I usually prefer to communicate openly and end things directly when needed. I’m just really curious to hear others’ experiences and understand what might lead someone to cut off contact suddenly, and whether or not they reconsidered it later.

Hope the OP doesn’t mind me using their post as inspiration!

I don’t think I’ve ever purposefully told a person that I am going to end our friendship. Have you really done that? There are people I’ve replied to less and less and more slowly. Not many people though. I’ve had someone completely ghost me and still wonder why.

I think I have but accidentally really & it plays on my mind often.

i was going through a tough time & hadn’t sent her a message back.

My phone then got stolen so I replaced it and got a new number. I knew her number was written down in my journal somewhere (this was at the start of Facebook days and she didn’t have it). But a mix of this and me not being in a good place, I just didn’t get in touch. She had no way of reaching out to me and we just lost touch.

i regret it to this day and really only realised it happened when it was a little too late.

I sent her a Facebook request a few years later with a message apologising but I was deleted.

i don’t blame her really.

I have been ghosted by 2 friends, and I have no idea why. One just suddenly blocked me on everything. We'd lived together for years, travelled together, I'd been her bridesmaid. The things I wonder is 1. if she was angry I didn't ask her to be my bridesmaid - but I just had a small wedding with 1 family member as a BM and she attended my wedding and the ghosting was years later. Unless she stored it up? And 2. She didn't have children and I had. I often wonder if she was struggling being childless (though she'd never said anything) and seeing mine on social media was too upsetting. However I just wish she'd have been able to tell me and I always wonder if that was indeed the reason, why she'd felt unable to, and I feel sad if I'd unintentionally hurt.

The other ghosting was 10 years after the first, she just stopped speaking to me when I'd told her I was splitting from ex-H. She wasn't friends with my ex at all, and knew everything I'd been through with him, so had no loyalty to him. No idea why the state of my marriage would have caused her to ghost! Weirdly she just stopped replying to texts or messages, but still regularly looked at my posts on social media until I got fed up with that and blocked her. So weird.

I've done both with the same person. I was friends with her from when we were teenagers. We lost touch for a while then found each other again, but by this point her life was full of drama, all of it her own making. She was extremely flakey & would consistently turn up 30/45mins late with no apology or excuse. The last straw was when I was on the bus on my way to meet her when she phoned me and she had clearly just woken up. So I turned around and went home again & I ghosted her.

She got back in touch a couple of years later. But her behaviour was exactly the same again. I found it exhausting spending time with her. I tried to distance myself from her again but she was continually phoning me leaving messages. I sent her a short text saying maybe we didn't have much in common anymore & wanted different things from a friendship so maybe we call it a day. She got abusive, bombarding me with messages & calls, FB messages etc. I eventually had to block her everywhere.

No, but I have lessened contact with one because she just cannot stop talking about herself. She’s not interested in anyone else and any meet ups just involve me sitting there while she tells me all about her life- work, friends, family… usually an hour or two in she’ll briefly ask how I am and then turn it back to herself.
She messaged a while back suggesting a coffee catch up but I just said I’d get back to her with a date and never did.

She’s had a lot of ‘close’ friends who seem to disappear, so I think everyone ends up feeling the same way. Sad really.

Mine was a little complex. We had been drifting apart anyway.

she came to visit me for my birthday and the whole weekend was a bit of a disaster (this was a week before my actual birthday) and she later messaged me the day before my birthday telling me about how she wanted to celebrate hers, which would have cost me over £300, so I politely declined. She then put me on her ‘3 month break’, where she basically wouldn’t contact a friend for 3 months if they ever annoyed her, so I decided to just drop the friendship when she did finally come back.

she was confused by the sudden change of dynamic, expecting me to come crawling back, but I just ignored her messages, until a few months later when she sent a heartfelt message asking what happened between us, and I responded nicely in return but made it clear that I did not want to continue the friendship

No I've never done it. I've let things drift gradually but never just stopped speaking to someone or ghosted them. Feels a bit brutal.
I had it done to me recently by someone I have to see often (a school mum friend) and still have absolutely no idea why. It makes me feel awkward everyday but because of what I know about her personality (very bored, judgey, bitchy, prone to falling out with people purely for entertainment purposes) I really couldn't care less and take quiet pleasure in blanking her right back.

What were your reasons for doing so?

well it either happens on accident (unexpected life events perhaps) or on purpose. If on purpose, perhaps a string of disrespectful behaviour

Did you eventually reach out to them again, if so why?

For accidents - yes, because I enjoy their company. On purpose - no, because I stopped enjoying their company.

Or did they contact you?

Sure, I have been contacted too.

What happened after that?

either nothing happened, we stayed in touch with a lesser relationship, or things went to back to our normal relationship

Did you continue the friendship or choose to move on?

for the most part, if I purposefully distanced myself from them, I would choose to move on

I don’t ghost people, but I have dropped the rope big time on a few people. I was having this discussion with my dad the other day. If think someone is two faced with me, and does micro-aggressions to me, then I just drop the rope completely. I’ve inherited it from him, he says things like “I don’t want to know them”.

My MIL and SIL bitch about people and family to the high heaven and have horrible politics within. As soon as I picked up on them doing it to me, I dropped the rope.

Otherwise I’ve had a few people stop talking to me on occasions I’ve asserted myself. One went very LC when I pointed out she wanted me to go whole hog on her 50th, but mine went without even a card, another when she targeted my son when hers didn’t get his own way, and another one who stopped speaking to me for why I have no clue, then started saying hello to me, to which I’ve just completely ignored ever since.

Life is too short to hang out with people who make you feel crap.

I did once, she was a newer friend of a few months. She revealed just how much she hated children. I mean I have a couple of friends who are childfree by choice and if people are not interested in children that is fine.

A toddler had said hello to us, that’s all in the street, her Mum said sorry she is curious, I mean the kid had just said hello and I said hello back and then had a short chat . Not a badly behaved child at all. Afterwards she went on quite a rant about just how awful children were and I mean not just that they are irritating sometimes she gave off a real vibe of hatred. I don’t want people like that in my life.

yeah I have ghosted someone.

She left a voice message cancelling on me for about the seventh time, and in the voice message told me about all the things she had been doing - gigs, parties, nights out, exactly the sorts of things she'd been cancelling on me. Her standard excuse was childcare and I thought, well, if you can get childcare for going out with all those other people you can get childcare to meet
with me - if you actually want to. I also needed to sort childcare for meeting up btw.

End of, as they say.

I completely cut off ties with a friend when they told me in 2016 that they had voted for Brexit "because of the immigrants". He is an immigrant to the UK. Just never called him again and ignored his calls and messages.

I suppose to the various people I’ve just never gotten back to it feels that way but I don’t really think that I’m never talking to them, I just forget to answer a message at the time and then forget that I didn’t reply and next thing two years has gone by and it seems a bit late… usually it’s when someone has said something I don’t really know how to reply to 🤷🏻‍♀️

I ghosted a friend once because she was unreasonably demanding of my time (expecting 1.5 hour phone calls a couple of times a week when I had just had a baby). She couldn’t read fairly clear hints that it wasn’t cool so I just stopped responding.

I’m afraid I have no compunction about doing that in a situation where someone is unreasonably lacking in emotional intelligence. Any adult (except maybe one with a neurodiversity) should be able to read basic body language and respect boundaries and if they can’t they need fairly clear language. Life is too short to make yourself endlessly available to people who don’t pay you the respect of listening to you and considering your needs.

I have in the past although we hadn't been friends long and weren't close but I have also had it done to me in recent years. It's actually not a nice feeling because you rack your brains wondering what you said or did wrong, especially if they were once a close friend as the 2 friends who ghosted me were.

Let a friendship drop once which I regret. We couldn't go to visit friends one New Year. Kids were tiny and we were exhausted/sick/stressed. Just felt impossible to pick up again as i was embarrassed and felt like we behaved badly. And suddenly its 12 years later. I think of them often.

Two I don't regret. One stiffed me over a work thing (my work which she went to a conference and presented abroad). The other, of 20 year friendship, talked about herself incessantly and I supported for years and years of phone calls about her (many) relationship issues. The final straw was her self obsession during Covid when we were very ill and I had family members who were being hospitalised. I gave up after that.

oh goodness I think there are several others now i think about it! Just leaving it because there wasn't enough to keep things going, different life stages, different views, parenting, users, boring partners, kids falling out. I sound terrible, but I'm old and do have good friends and am a good friend, longterm and more recent - honest!

You can get sick of people and they of you. Sometimes just letting go is easier, rather than going through the cycle of sorting it out and being let down again or even discussing it. I think sunk cost fallacy is often in play, so we let things drag on.

Yes my ex-friend (Sarah) was also friends with another girl (Vicky) who never liked me and always seemed jealous but I’m not sure why. I supported my friend Sarah through the loss of her mum and her marriage breakup but Vicky (who was her best friend since school) was nowhere in sight; she was only ever interested in a night out. Sarah eventually got engaged to a new partner and had an engagement party. Vicky was also at the party and so was Vicky’s ex husband as they had mutual friends. Vicky told my friend at the party that I’d shagged her ex husband in the toilets. Completely not true, he’s horrible and I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole and I wouldn’t be shagging someone in the toilets at an engagement party anyway. I had no idea this had even happened until a few days later when my friend asked me over for a cuppa. She sat me down to tell me how disappointed she was in me and that I’d ruined her party cause Vicky was so upset at the end but said she forgave me anyway. I was horrified that she could even think I would do this and also believe Vicky (who was known to lie and cause trouble) over me. She couldn’t see that it was Vicky who had ruined her party. I cut her off immediately and have never seen her since. I felt uneasy about it at the time but im so glad I did. I now have the most incredible group of friends who are more like family; this is what true friendship should be.

I often give my friends lots of chances and have open conversations if there is a misunderstanding or something is bothering me. However, if they don't change or apologise, I have dropped them. This has only happened to about 2 friends of mine in a lifetime. Some friends have naturally faded, as our situations changed eg University, nursery/school mums, work colleagues but my absolute close friends have been with me for years and years and even if we don't contact each other that frequently, when we do meet, the gap has no relevance and we pick up with each other easily.

Yes. She'd comment on everything I'd post but clearly didn't know what I was talking about. Or if I had a problem, she'd reply and just say she manages fine, why can't I?

She cane across a post id made, said she'd never heard of the condition I'd been diagnosed with and then asked how my parents missed it? She then said she was worried about me as she didn't see my posts and wasn't sure who to contact?

I did "ghost" someone - in the 6 months we were friends we had a conversation where he kept pestering me about going somewhere and said he'll guide me around. He couldn't grasp why I couldn't get somewhere 6 hours away and the nearest train station was 3 miles with no bus. I unfriended him a few months later because other than that, we never talked. He messaged me twice on Facebook to ask why I'd unfriended him as he was "rather perplexed". I blocked him because he kept asking. He then sent me a friend request on Strava. Blocked

I deleted someone off Facebook as I was fed up with her passive aggressive posts about “some people shouldn’t be allowed to have children” and “now I know who my real friends are” etc

Over many years she’d been moody and manipulative, often ignoring myself and our other friend if she passed us and we were talking to each other, then getting arsey that we didn’t stop speaking when she saw us.

We had a sit down intervention with her at one point and explained how her behaviour was unacceptable but of course it fell on deaf ears.

Then one day I’d just had enough so I unfriended her. She didn’t notice until she went to message me and noticed we weren’t connected. She played innocent “I must have done something terrible but I have no idea what” so I told her. She then told me what a terrible friend I’d been as I never asked about her mum (I didn’t need to, as she told me all about her whenever I saw her, and I’d never even met her mum!) and some other bullshit. Honestly so over it. I do sometimes feel bad for her, but I don’t miss being friends with her. Everyone else she’s been friends with has done the same thing, so I know it’s not just me being a bitch.

Yes.

My friend was desperate to move house (issues where she was living) and wanted to also move in her new fella. They found their ‘dream house’. My Dad had just died as had her fella’s Mum. My friend knew I had inherited a sum of money from my Dad and asked if I would loan her the money needed to pay the deposit and month up front as it was way out of their budget at that time, I did on the proviso that when the sale on her fella’s mums house went through they would pay me back. Several months went by and her fella’s mums house sold but they split up and he moved out. He then refused to pay me the money owed because they were no longer together. I hit a rough patch and really needed that money back, In the end she begged him to pay me as agreed and told him she would pay him back in instalments so as not to leave me out of pocket. She got the money off him in cash and arranged for me to go and collect from her later that week. When I turned up a chunk of the money was missing, she told me she was sorry but her oil bill (no mains heating) for the house was higher than expected and she’d been getting into debt and they wouldn’t deliver again until she paid up to date, she couldn’t afford it so dipped into my cash, she promises she will pay me back soon. No worries, yes I needed it but I’m also not going to see a friend freeze. Months go by and she asks me for my bank details as she’ll soon be able to transfer me the money that she owes and thanks me for not hassling her for it. Weeks go by, no payment, she then starts telling me about how everything is going wrong at the minute, her dog had been sick and she couldn’t afford the vet bill and is stressing about finding the money, theres been issues with her daughter, her heating bill is extorsionate and shes feeling at rock bottom so I don’t mention the money. More time goes by, she seems to be doing better, things are moving up she seems in an ok place now and mentions she needs to get a new bank card as shes lost hers so I mention ‘speaking of banks’ here are my details again could she try and pay me at least some of the money she owes. She tells me I’m taking the piss asking that right now when I know she’d been really struggling financially and has outstanding vets bills to prioritise etc. Literally a few weeks later she not only posts about her not mentioned ‘new horse’ on facebook but the fact its injured and has just cost her a bloody fortune at the vets!! I was done, she couldn’t pay me back but could afford to buy a new horse and cover its vet bills but apparently couldn’t afford to pay me back, I was livid. I deleted her off Facebook there and then and never spoke to her again the cheeky bitch!

I’ve distanced myself from friends in the past, sometimes fully, sometimes just dialling things down a bit over time. When I’ve walked away from a friendship, it’s been because there have been ongoing and obvious issues between us that have been discussed but not resolved, or continue to recur.

I don’t think many people ghost long term friends without having had conversations about issues, but I do think some people are oblivious to their own faults in friendships (which are usually on both sides), or to those sorts of conversations.

Yes.

We had been friends for 30 years. She was often difficult company, passive aggressive, argumentative, high maintenance, suspicious, patronising, judgemental and could be bitchy. But she wasn't nasty, untrustworthy, or deceptive. In fact her trying traits clearly came from a place of insecurity and mistrust.

But finally the exhaustion of having to pretend I didn't tune into her intended dig, smooth things over after she had yet another tantrum or set her mind at ease some imagined insult wore me down. It was death by a thousand paper cuts. I tried to be clear to her "it's not fair that you keep playing games with me, I am not doing anything to you yet I'm being punished" and she would stop.

I felt sorry for her and really cared about her.

But one year she had yet another go at me in her usual underhand manner about something irrelevant to me. It happend on a very painful day when I was in the throes of grief. I blocked her. She contacted me later on another channel and I told her honestly I thought it was so hardhearted. She wrote some big long messages which half apologised but mainly talked about herself. It was clear she didn't worry about me and my trauma but expected nonstop tolerance based on hers.

I didn't reply. I still care about her but don't want to be friends anymore.

One of DS's "best friends" from 6th form ghosted him and the rest of the friendship group after 2nd year of university.

DS first thought perhaps he'd done something but this friend also cut contact with the rest of the friendship group. This hurt DS because he'd previously invited the boy round one day and they had a good time. But DS wasn't like completely distraught, he still had his other school friends and he still has his lovely lovely uni friends who he is still in touch with.

Yep, she started posting some fairly racist stuff on social media around the time of Brexit, so I just unfriended her and ignored her when she text a few months later. Really surprised me, as she'd had friends in the past who were muslim, and that was where most of the abuse was being aimed.

Bumped into her a few years later, we had a civil chat, and then she asked why I'd ditched her. Was very blunt with her, and she claimed that her abusive husband (who she'd now left) had forced her to post this stuff, it was easier to just do it than start an argument. She'd lost a number of friends because of it.

We bump into each other every so often now, and have a good chat when we do, but we've never really struck up the friendship again.