To think this is not acceptable behaviour from a dad to his 8 year old son...?

[planAplanB]

• Shouting at child in anger
• Tapping child's bottom with his hand
• Grabbing child's wrists to get him off the sofa and move him towards the door
• Calling child stupid
• Claiming his mothers parenting 'lets him get away with bad behaviour'
• Chasing child in anger around island in the kitchen shouting for him to go to his room.

I know that the above behaviour is not acceptable from an adult to their child but can anyone else tell me if their husband also does this?

It was horrible to witness. I intervened to remove husbands hands from child's wrists. Older child also witnessed this.

Is this your husband op?
It’s abusive behaviour yes, how long has this been going on for with this little boy?
This isn’t normal behaviour and it’s awful.

Sorry just saw at the bottom he is your husband. Is he like this with you as well?

It's not acceptable in any way, shape or form.
What are you going to do?

He needs to go. Away,
The poor lad this is abuse. You know it is not OK so please protect this child.

And 'tapping child's bottom with his hand'. You mean he slapped him hard don't you?

Last time it happened was 25th June with the 10 year old. I've started a divorce but we're stuck living together.
I know it's not nice, and I do not condone any of those behaviours described but surely there are other Dads who do some of those things, right? My parenting style is very different to his.

No it was just a tap. Definitely not a slap. Still, I'm trying to teach our kids not to be physical or aggressive when they are angry and their dad has done just this.

I don’t know what is worse. The behavior in itself or why it has been allowed to continue.

Get off your phone and start packing a bag. You need to safeguard your child from an abuser. He is old enough that he will remember this. Be that person that he remembers for getting him out, not the one who stood back and allowed it.

No other dads do not do things like this if my husband ever did anything like this he would be gone. It’s abusive behaviour, op has he been aggressive with you as well?

I know that the above behaviour is not acceptable from an adult to their child but can anyone else tell me if their husband also does this?

Why? Would that make abuse any better?

It’s abuse. Your child is being abused. What are you going to do to protect him?

Yes there must be plenty of fathers who abuse their children, and mothers who are complicit in allowing it. Your children are in the unlucky position of having exactly those parents.

Yes, there are other dads who abuse their children. Don't forget that your children may see how he behaves and grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour and the correct way to treat their partners and your grandchildren.

I don't know how to make him stop shouting at our son and grabbing him to get him to his room. I stepped in to make him let go. I removed my husband hands from DS arms. Husband is now sulking in his room. We're divorcing. This happens infrequently, maybe once every couple of months. What would people suggest I do? Maybe I should take them down to my mums tomorrow. We just can't up and leave permenantly though.

Can you call womens aid for advice? He needs to be removed from the house it sounds like.

Hang on, OP said she's divorcing him. What more do you want her to do?

Maybe report him to the police for assaulting her children and have him removed from the home. Get a non-molestation order.
Do those children have to live like this for however long it will take them to get divorced?

I remember my Dad shouting at me when I was a kid. Maybe this is why I assume this happens every now and again in most households.
I have a great relationship with my dad btw

I have a great relationship with my dad btw

As long as everything is on his terms, I imagine.

Shouting is one thing. Calling names, grabbing, hitting, physically moving a child around - those are something else completely. I dont think there is a parent alive who hasnt shouted/wanted to shout at their kids at some point. But shouting 'will you listen to me' is not necessarily abusive. What you have described is.

Tell your DH that if he grabs him and won't let go, you'll phone the police. Is there anyone who would agree for you to WA video call so you have a witness? It needs recording. Leave him to sulk.

NO!, other Dad's do not do these things, because other Dad's do not abuse their children physically, emotionally and mentally like your husband.

He's really done a job on you, that you even think that this is some kind of common Dad behavior

Protect your poor children and stop this abuse of them.

I think there’s a vast difference between raising your voice in frustration to what you have described.

were on week 3 of the summer holidays, I have an 8 year old - the days where he has been asked a million times to do the same thing yes there’s been sharpness and voices raised. But never has he been hit, or dragged to his room nor has he been chased or called names by an adult expected to be his role model

Honestly no, we've raised 5 sons and my DH would never have behaved like this. An adult shouting, chasing, grabbing a child's wrists etc has lost their temper and lost control of themselves. Your husband should have walked away and calmed down. He's got a bloody cheek criticising your parenting frankly! I imagine things are a bit tense in the home if you are divorcing and stuck living in the same house 🙁 could this be having an effect on the children's behaviour? It might be good to take the kids to stay at your mum's for a couple of days and let things calm down. Hope your housing situation is resolved soon 💐

@Noseybookworm @QforCucumber
Thank you for your perspectives on this.