To be freaking out at turning 40.

[WAITthisIS40]

I am 40 next year, and it can't be true. I'm not ready!! I don't feel that age. I have recently noticed slight lines on the sides of my mouth, which i'm using retinol for, and the starts of neck sagging. I have a young looking neck, no rings, but all of a sudden a slight line downwards from under my chin has appeared! WTF. Is this it now? Am I classed as middle aged, well on my way to being a little old lady? I don't want my face to head South.

I was always used to being the youngest one, and now this is drastically changing! When I go out, I wonder do I look old. I hate the fasion now, and make comments about young girls going out naked, and that when I was that age there was a stomach or legs rule, we wore clothes, and our elders would complain about that. I am very slim, in good shape and feel fine, but then my body isn't the same as it was. I have to tone it more, esp my inner thighs, and bum. My hips are wider too.

I am sounding older by the day. I had dcs in my early 30's, was barely out my 20's, have finally emerged from the sleep deprived fog, and I am 39!! I don't look in my 20's any more like I used to. It's like most of my 30s have been a blur.

Does anybody else feel this way? Do you feel better once you pass 40? I never cared about 30, as it was close to 20s, but 40, flipping 40!! I have acouple of items of clothes older than some teenagers (when they actually used to make them with quality), ahh there I go again with my old dear complaining!

I think approaching 40 is actually worse than reaching it. I found it was a point I thought about my future more. I'm 48, early 40s were great but I'm getting peri symptoms now and last couple years I've had to keep an eye on health issues more. Oddly I'm not worried about reaching 50 in 18mths compared to the same point before reaching 40.

I will add my perspective. I am turning 40 in a few months from now. In these last few months of being 39, I feel -

1. Grateful to the point of being surprised that I have somehow managed to live so far, not get a major illness and have two wonderful DC, my parents and my spouse. I've seen a colleague aged 34 get breast cancer, anoter close friend have a sudden death leaving a 4 year old - so why not me?
2. Utterly mindful - at random moments - on family walks, at picnics, whatever - that this moment here - when DS and DD are squabbling, DH is snoozing, or I am annoyed with a work colleague or the groceries delivery - that these are huge privileges, and not one of these things should be taken for granted.

The pandemic, Ukraine, Gaza, cost of living, and various personal sphere illnesses have done their work for the post 35 period in my life, for me to just be grateful as I wait for my 40th birthday.

I’m the same age as you OP and feeling a little freaked out too. Although for me it’s not grey hairs or wrinkles (I have the grey but oddly no real wrinkles at all) but because I haven’t had kids yet and I’m conscious that time is running or has run out for me. Having a child in your 40s just seems so much harder than in your 30s.

Honestly I have felt similar to you. Not so much approaching my 40th but from 42 onwards when I started getting hormonal changes related to perimenopause. It's a scary thought to feel your body is changing for the worse and that there is no going back to your youth! There isn't a huge difference in how you feel between 25 and 35, but 35 to 45 is a shock. However I use expensive skincare and HRT, Mounjaro for weight loss, personal trainer for strength, as well as expensive hair cuts, semi permanent make up and other expensive things and by spending a lot of money and time on upkeep I feel and look ok 😆😆

I can still remember my grandma telling me that in her head she was always about 21, and every time she looked in a mirror it was a shock to see how old she looked. I feel a bit like that too now, in my 40s - in my head I’m just the same, but the mirror shows some wrinkly, tired-looking middle aged person and I’m not quite reconciled with them yet! There’s also this sense of time running out - my 30s also passed in a haze of child-rearing, and I didn’t do much in my 20s except work in jobs I hated and try to save money… I feel some urgency to do all my ‘bucket list’ stuff now before I get too old but honestly don’t have the time, energy or motivation (still trying to keep afloat and look after older kids/teenagers). Like other posters I’ve already lost friends to cancer, so I’m trying to really appreciate what I have and be grateful. The feeling of ageing is definitely strange though. I used to feel like I had all the time in the world.

I'm 65 and I'm overjoyed to get there - mainly because I am eligible for national superannuation from today 😅(not in the UK obviously).

I enjoyed turning 40, 50, and 60 - and hopefully will enjoy turning 70. We all have our turn at being "young", and should celebrate each year with joy, so many don't get the chance. I read in our local paper today of the death of a 17 year old, which really puts things into perspective.

Btw - in my head I'm still 16!

Menopause is much worse than 40, count yourself lucky it hasn’t hit you yet because it’s debilitating. You still have a few years of being young and healthy and pain free.

Posts like this aren't helpful. It can be debilitating, it certainly isn't for everyone.

@Janedoe82 exactly this. As a stage 4 cancer patient on a ticking clock, I'm grateful for every occasion I'm here to celebrate.

Try embracing life OP, you'll be amazed when you do

I am still in shock that I’m 40. I have no idea how it happened.

It's all a new territory as you age. Personally I embraced 40 and thought 'what the hell? ' but enjoyed the party and looking good and dancing lots. 40s we're in some easy, my best years. Kids big enough to be independent and still lovely and loads of fun, lots of parties, weddings, holidays, career progression, travel. Looking back now I was still pretty young at 40.

At 50 I'd already lost a couple of friends to cancer and felt privileged to have made it. I lived even harder just for them, if that makes sense. 50s have been wonderful. Yes menopause is a pain but HRT is transformational And you just don't give a shit about so many things. It's really freeing. Financially better off, mortgage gone, career woes pretty much a thing of the past. Kids fully formed and good company. Wisdom and life experience by the bucketload. It's pretty great.

I'm 60 next year - which is frankly preposterous- and I've decided to embrace that too. My aim to be fit, lean and strong for my 60th year. And I'll get my free travel pass (London) so can go anywhere for free ! Yay!

There's always something great in every decade. And every decade is different. Yes, your body will change but embrace that too. Your amazing body that transforms itself, grows actual humans, takes you through life. It's an amazing thing. Treasure it, look after it. Live.

Am I classed as middle aged, well on my way to being a little old lady?

What's wrong with little old ladies?

I just turned 40 much better than turning 25, I have my own home, child, good stable marriage, career, been promoted again in the last year, just booked a fortnight in Greece for next summer, already been abroad twice this year and looking to go again October half term. My life is comfortable. At 25 I'd moved home after uni, just been made redundant from grad job, working back in local pub, single, no idea where my life was going.

I'm 62 and it's brilliant.

I've lost too many loved ones who were far too young to be bothered about being in my 40s. Growing old is a privilege many don't get.
Keep yourself healthy and keep enjoying your life.

I’m 40 next year too, OP. It can feel like a daunting milestone, but to be fair I felt the same about 20 and 30 too. Though 40 doesn’t bother me as much – I’ve gotten over those ‘milestone’ hangups. At 20 it was leaving carefree teenagehood being, at 30 it was having not accomplished enough’. What the hell is the point?

I don’t feel the way you seem to feel about aesthetically ageing, and would never look down on lines, wrinkles, sags or white hairs – ageing is a privilege, not an entitlement. And if anyone criticised me or even silently looked down on me for looking my age they can absolutely fuck off and deal with their issues elsewhere.

Oh get over yourself.
I also lost a good friend to cancer in our 40s (and a couple to suicide.)

I'm mid fifties now. Older, wiser, very slightly more wrinkly,very slightly grey-er. My self worth has never been tied up in my looks though.

40 is really not the big deal people seem to think it is! It'll be fine. Just don't rail against it, embrace it.

Aging is a privilege denied to many.
I loved turning 40. The celebrations lasted all year!
It's been my best decade. Dc are older and more independent, I have more free time to do as I please. I look like I'm in my 40's but I don't really care. I eat well and exercise, I'm in good health so that's enough for me

I'm exactly the same. No idea where my 30s went!

I'm about to turn 41 and trying to establish some new goals and appreciate what I have. There's definitely some wistfullness about my youth being over. I've never not been young, you know? It's trying to figure that out.

Jeez.

You have no choice

Unless you’d rather be dead at 39? Not much of a choice is it really.

Embrace it and embrace it positively. It is all in your mind. Your body is just a day older than it was the day before, and will be a day older the following day. It really isn’t something worth giving headspace to.

Be thankful every day for your body and what it does for you.

Same here too. My 30s have gone by so quickly - I feel like I'm only just now resurfacing after about 12 years of being focused on childrearing, back to being a person in my own right again. But it doesn't feel like that was really more than a decade!

I don't think it'll be better, because I lost a parent last year, and life is not the same anymore, everyone just gets old (if they're lucky), then dies.

I thought the same as you in my early 30s.

Yes, this! I have a chronic illness (alot better at the moment) too which came to light having my first baby, so I feel I haven't lived for a good chunk of my 30s, i was raising babies, memories went, and it just disappeared!! Then my parent died last year, so it's just all been abit rubbish.

I turn 40 next month and I am absolutely looking forward to it. 30 I dreaded, I think because it made me a real grown up adult in my head - I could no longer use the excuse of youth, but 40 is going to be an exciting decade.
I think that is because I am past the fog of young children (I only have one still in primary school) so am now gaining more freedom and "me-time". I have more energy for clubs and classes in the evening, i am in the best health wise - though wobbly around the edges and boobs are definitely heading south. I am also the most financial stable then I have ever been. So money and time and energy means I have a lot to look forward to over the next decade.
The only thing I'm not looking forward to is peri-menopause though at the same time looking forward to that phase being over (and no more fucking periods!).