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Original poster

Do you know where X is?

69 replies

Screwballs · 07/08/2024 12:33

Constantly. The stepkids, the kid I'm engaged to, it's constant. Do we not all live here? Is it not right under your nose as per? Have you actually even bothered prior to making it my problem?

Sick of it today, it's midday and everyone has asked me where something is at least once. OH wanted to know where the fabric softener was. Same place it always is, there are just some ironing bits of top of it which obviously means it must no longer exist in that place. Didn't dignify with an answer. Testament to it being the first wash he's put on in weeks.

Youngest SS "where is the butter", "in the fridge" "what the blue tub" "nope that's mine (Flora lightest), yours is the grey tub (Lurpak)" "oh OK, this one?" "is that grey" "no" "so..." "there isn't a grey one" "there is a grey one" "nope, there is only cheese Spread".

Loses patience, gets up with freshly fed reflux baby, instantly finds grey tub "oh I thought that was cheese Spread". Baby proceeds to vomit all over us both because he's been moved.

Eldest SS, asked to changed cat litter, dutiful comes to do it to be fair. "wheres the bags" "under the counter next to the tray" "I can't see them" "LOOOOOK" "... OK"

Minutes later "Brother, can you look in your drawers for my jeans" "they aren't in his drawers, they are in your wardrobe" "they aren't, I just looked" "they are there" "they AREN'T". Gets up, instantly finds fucking jeans. "oh, well I didn't look that side"

AGGGGHHH this weaponissd incompetence is driving me wild. Why do men do this?! How is it learnt so bloody young?!

I know I'm just going to be told to stop, but it's not even like I jump to help, I really don't, it doesn't seem to put them off asking!

But why?! Why am I meant to have the answers?!

OP posts:
Catza · 07/08/2024 12:38

I once had my partner call me on holiday to ask me where his socks were 😂I don't know what's the deal with the whole "ask mum" thing but I just say "I don't know" to keep my sanity. Sometimes it does mean we have 5 bottles of washing up liquid and 3 giant packets of open toilet roll because someone just bought a new pack because they couldn't find what was right in front of them but hey ho.

whatsappdoc · 07/08/2024 14:30

Agree. We call all the cursory looks in our house a 'year one look'. Did you look properly or was it a year one look? In honour of all year one pupils asking where their PE shorts, tops, trainers are. Did you look in your PE bag? Yes. Adult retrieves item from PE bag.

MeAgainAndAgain · 07/08/2024 14:34

Assuming they’re a reasonable age and they’re asking for normal stuff, just say you don’t know.

HowardTJMoon · 07/08/2024 15:25

The concept that things can sometimes be behind other things in cupboards/fridge/whatever continually eludes my DCs. Their lack of comprehension of the third dimension has become a running house joke.

NoKnit · 07/08/2024 15:34

Well I'm amazed my husband doesn't even know what fabric softener is he would use it and certainly never look for it. .....

However this post has got me thinking of the time I went away for work for a week came back to him having cleaned the fridge all shelves and all. It was smelling he said so he cleaned it and threw all the food out but the smell didn't go away. So I opened fridge to immaculate shelves but instantly noticed smell was an open pot of fresh cream on the door that had gone mouldy. Removed it and smell gone. He never thought to look on the door whilst throwing stuff out.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2024 15:36

This is for your husband to tackle though! He needs to tell his sons that this isn’t on. Otherwise they’ll grow into men who can’t find anything for themselves.

My exh was terrible for this “I don’t know where it is” - ok you don’t know, but have you looked? Look for it properly before asking me.

TrumpetOfTheMatriarchy · 07/08/2024 15:37

Oh God, this! And also being expected yo be the tour guide for everyone else's life IE knowing everything about everything we are doing, going, buying, watching, eating and getting twenty questions 24 hours a day.

invisiblecat · 07/08/2024 15:40

Just respond every time with:

"I don't know."

DappledThings · 07/08/2024 15:47

I'm the guilty party in this mostly. I will sometimes ask DH where something is because I've looked and I can't see it and he will ask if it's a proper look or a Dappled look and then unusually see it.

So it's not an exclusively male trait.

froomeonthebroom · 07/08/2024 15:47

I keep a list of every time I find something that the rest of the family can't. I've told them it's £5 for every found item......it has definitely improved their searching abilities!

CaptainBolt · 07/08/2024 15:48

With my partner it's "Do we have [object/food item/medication]?" 🤦🏼‍♀️😅

DappledThings · 07/08/2024 15:54

CaptainBolt · 07/08/2024 15:48

With my partner it's "Do we have [object/food item/medication]?" 🤦🏼‍♀️😅

Edited

I do that too. DH does all our shopping so he's more likely to just know if we have X. Maybe it annoys him. He's never said if it does.

Starlight1979 · 07/08/2024 15:57

I sympathise OP but this isn't just men. In fact, my DP is absolutely brilliant and capable. DSD on the other hand.... 😭

But I actually thought the title of your thread was asking where your ExH is and wanting us to do some detective work so I am a bit disappointed now 😂

BeansMeansBeans · 07/08/2024 16:02

For the "where's the butter" escapade, once it's been described if they can't find it I would just say "oh dear, no butter for you then"

Miraculously enough they suddenly grow eyes! Grin

ColourBlockMatch · 07/08/2024 16:04

My family are pretty good but if they try this, I respond with silence.

BloodyAdultDC · 07/08/2024 16:32

My dp once asked me if I'd seen an expensive electric tool in the garage. A tool I'd never used. I looked (not really knowing what I was looking for), he'd apparently looked 'for hours'.

Ended up buying a new one.

Which went back on the shelf in the usual place, next to the original tool which had magically appeared out of nowhere. We laugh about it now 🤔 but every time he's not able to find something my response is always 'on the tool shelf in the garage'.

lazyarse123 · 07/08/2024 16:44

They don't just do it at home. We were at a National Trust place at the weekend and I heard a bloke say to his wife. "Where are the toilets" I had a little smile to myself when she said "you better hope you find them before you wet yourself".
Then we came out of the cafe and my DH asked me where the ticket place was. I asked how he thinks I know these things and he doesn't. It's just easier to ask us than for them to think for themselves. My son's don't do it unless they genuinely have looked properly.

Poachedeggavocado · 07/08/2024 16:48

Silence is the answer. I've worked out that they're asking out loud without looking, knowing you'll get up and find it. I now remain completely silent. Then my next response is 'if I get up and find it in less than 30 seconds I will lose my shit'. If they genuinely can't find it fine I'll help but usually after the first two responses they find it themselves.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 07/08/2024 16:49

This annoys me too.

mondaytosunday · 07/08/2024 16:55

My kids do this. Waiting in the car and my son texted he couldn't find his keys. Ten minutes of looking he gets in face of thunder and he had to leave his from door unlocked. Three hours later we get back I walk in look down and there are his keys on the floor 🤨.
DD starts complaining that the scissors is never where it's supposed to be she can't find it ... I walk up to her (standing by the kitchen island) and move the scissors which are two feet away from her into her line of vision 🙄. And repeat...

Holidaysrule · 07/08/2024 17:02

My response to this is “you’ve had a man look. Look again”. Said item is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS exactly where I bloody said it was. I have threatened to put a camera in the larder and fridge because I swear to god he opens the door then shuts his eyes!!!!
I refuse to get up and find it for him. If he can’t find it I just say “oh well, you’ll have to do without”. He then finds it. Obviously.

SkankingWombat · 07/08/2024 17:13

It isn't just men, both of my DDs are a nightmare for this too. DH does it a bit too, but has been mostly cured by a consistent use of "oh sorry, no, I have no idea either... What a pain...". If I do give in and help DCs look, I first warn them I charge a finders fee if I find the 'lost' item within 30 seconds of the search beginning. My fee is 1/7 or 1/14 of their weekly pocket money (depending on how annoyed I am by their inability to open their eyes that day). That is usually enough to send them scurrying off for a more thorough look before agreeing to engage my services.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/08/2024 17:24

Poachedeggavocado · 07/08/2024 16:48

Silence is the answer. I've worked out that they're asking out loud without looking, knowing you'll get up and find it. I now remain completely silent. Then my next response is 'if I get up and find it in less than 30 seconds I will lose my shit'. If they genuinely can't find it fine I'll help but usually after the first two responses they find it themselves.

Yes, I cured my DD of this by 'have another look, if you still can't find it I'll come and help but if I find it quickly I will be very cross".

DH otoh... he's usually ok at finding things but will occasionally ask 'where's the doodleflop?' , expecting me to know WTF a 'doodleflop' means in this instance as well as its location.
It's surprising how often I can supply the correct answer.Confused

ProvincialLady2024 · 07/08/2024 17:25

The best way to fend this off is to say "I don't know". Say it even when you do know. Say it until they stop asking.

CoolSummerDays · 07/08/2024 17:36

I agree with the fines. " If I get up and find it within 30 seconds that's one pound off your pocket money/ your turn to wash up for the next 7 days/some other penalty"!