Do you know where X is?

[Screwballs]

Constantly. The stepkids, the kid I'm engaged to, it's constant. Do we not all live here? Is it not right under your nose as per? Have you actually even bothered prior to making it my problem?

Sick of it today, it's midday and everyone has asked me where something is at least once. OH wanted to know where the fabric softener was. Same place it always is, there are just some ironing bits of top of it which obviously means it must no longer exist in that place. Didn't dignify with an answer. Testament to it being the first wash he's put on in weeks.

Youngest SS "where is the butter", "in the fridge" "what the blue tub" "nope that's mine (Flora lightest), yours is the grey tub (Lurpak)" "oh OK, this one?" "is that grey" "no" "so..." "there isn't a grey one" "there is a grey one" "nope, there is only cheese Spread".

Loses patience, gets up with freshly fed reflux baby, instantly finds grey tub "oh I thought that was cheese Spread". Baby proceeds to vomit all over us both because he's been moved.

Eldest SS, asked to changed cat litter, dutiful comes to do it to be fair. "wheres the bags" "under the counter next to the tray" "I can't see them" "LOOOOOK" "... OK"

Minutes later "Brother, can you look in your drawers for my jeans" "they aren't in his drawers, they are in your wardrobe" "they aren't, I just looked" "they are there" "they AREN'T". Gets up, instantly finds fucking jeans. "oh, well I didn't look that side"

AGGGGHHH this weaponissd incompetence is driving me wild. Why do men do this?! How is it learnt so bloody young?!

I know I'm just going to be told to stop, but it's not even like I jump to help, I really don't, it doesn't seem to put them off asking!

But why?! Why am I meant to have the answers?!

I just say 'It's either in the place where it lives, or it is where you put it'.
My adult child says 'look with your eyes....'

Have some fun with it!

Say "it's behind the wardrobe in the spare room" or "it's on the floor in the garden shed" and let them go look. They'll soon stop,

I get it from work colleagues who can't remember how to do something in software. I end up talking them through the menus over the phone. Occasionally without a screen in front of me.
I keep looking at scribed and thinking that must be useful.

But yes it's helpful to have a photographic memory of what's in which freezer and in the cupboards.

From an outsider's perspective, it's obvious to everyone this is learnt behaviour; they see your DH being useless and asking you were everything is and follow suit.

Have a family chat and from now on, before they ask you the whereabouts of ANYTHING, their #1 question should be "would I ask a man this?"

So, for your DH, would he interrupt his sons playing video games or doing their homework, or talking to their mates to ask them where the softener is? If not, why is he asking you? If he would, he should go ask them.

To the sons, would they interrupt Dad doing whatever he's doing to look for a pair of jeans, if not they shouldn't ask you, if so, they should ask Dad.

Anytime any one of them asks you where something is, you reply "have you asked a man first?" You only help them look if you're willing and if both they and another man have looked first.

This is an important lesson for them all. You want your DH to be an equal partner and your sons to be better men than your H currently is, so get them to ask a man.

I often threaten that if I find it within a minute I’m allowed to whopp them on the head with the mysteriously missing item. All said in jest but DSs get the point. (DH doesn’t do this so I’ve no idea where they’ve got it from…).

I did this to DH yesterday. I couldn't find cucumber in the fridge, so asked him to pick up some more. He came home with some and then got annoyed as there were already some in the fridge. He'd put them right in the back, hidden from view, and not in the vegetable drawer where they are normally put.

Rule in this house is if I find it I keep it, so there’s no point in asking. If it’s PE kit, calculator or some essential/urgent item then they have to give me something else in exchange (usually game controllers). Means they only ask after turning thr place upside down. Occasionally will say they are looking for X on the off chance I have moved it but that just tends to be mouldering sports gear

It's not always learned behaviour. After many years I discovered that actually a lot of the time I was putting often-lost or overseen things at my eyeline (5 foot 1) and partner was often not seeing them so low down (6 foot) as he was mainly looking for/expecting things to be at his eyeline. Especially things in cupboards or on shelves. So sorting that out eliminated a lot of the problem in our house.

My DP does this and also asks for confirmation of ridiculous information that he should - and does- equally know.

Today its been "Is it bins this week?" and "Our postcode end FG doesn't it?"

I think its just reflexive and he doesn't realise he's doing it.
I either look at him blankly like he's just asked me to solve cold fusion with nothing but a tampon and a toaster.
Or I say "I don't know" which gives him pause but he's so far resisted asking why I don't know or telling me that I do know, because he knows either of which would get him absolutely both barrels.

What nonsense is this? Does your partner not have peripheral vision, or the ability to look up or down?

It'd be different if he was putting things at his eye-height where you couldn't physically see them. But at 6ft, he's perfectly capable of seeing something placed at 5'1 or lower.

How did you 'sort it out'? Did you start putting everything at 6ft spots? Or did he learn to actually look for things himself as per the OP.

My mom's stock response to "Where's X" was always "up your arse in China".

Similar vibes.

lol thats what I though. She can look up but he can't look down? Don't make no sense.

When it's a stupid question they get a stupid answer.

'Where's the butter?'
'In the shed'

'Where's the toilet roll?'
'In the medicine cupboard'

'Where are the towels'
'In the car'

It honestly drives me insane. Stupid questions they actually know the answer to. It's like they want me involved somehow in whatever thing it is they are doing.

And don't get me started on me apparently knowing all about everywhere we ever go. Where toilets are, ticket machines, is the cafe nice, do they do tuna sandwiches etc etc.

It's when you stand up to help and your half way to them and they shout found it. Honestly makes my head explode

DH was looking for his sunglasses for about three weeks, it took me five mins to find them in a case he hadn’t looked in because that’s not their case. 🤦‍♀️

Just leaving this here.

I got so fed up of this I decided to always say "I don't know, you need to look for it"

They'd ask, I'd tell them then they'd say it's not there so I'd go in and it would be exactly where I said it was

it had got to the point that I'd be asked where's the (for example) black pen and i'd reply third drawer down in the kitchen, left hand side at the back, next to the sellotape
Yes, I was that detailed.

My sons could never see anything right in front of them. I swear they'd look with their eyes shut.

And then two things happened.
my husband insisted the item wasn't where I said it was so I went in and it was right there. But he said that I hadn't said it was under a piece of paper!!!

Then shortly after that probably one of about 5 times on 20 years I misremembered and said whatever it was he was looking for was in one drawer either higher or lower than it actually was.

He laughed at me and made a joke about how I never know where anything is and next time he'll look in the fridge then he laughed at his great joke while I debated whether prison would be worth it.

That was the last time I ever told any of them where something is.

Now I say no idea, you'll have to look and I watch them hunting round while I think to myself it's (for example) in the cupboard under the TV, in-between the box with the batteries in and the tape measure and bet myself how long before they find it.

It's quite fun to watch.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGevDWLuE/

This is funny

You can't really do it with the DSC but my answer to my DH when he asks stupid questions like this is 'hold on, let me ask the magic vagina....nope, she has no idea, she suggests you use your eyes'

My dad always used to say "up your arse on the second shelf"

In Granny's room behind the clock 🤣

When DD says she can't something I ask her if she did a mum look or a dad look. If she says dad look I tell her to look again.

In my house, it's not lost until mum can't find it. Drives me mad!!

Remember the sitcom 'Roseanne'

She said memorably

'My uterus is not a magnet for lost things '
Ask your father

I've just realised they do it at work too. I order stuff like staff toilet roll, hand towels, bin bags etc. Every week someone will ask me to get something and I always tell them where there is some because I am quite efficient and try not to run out of stuff. Fucks me off no end that they don't know where anything is. I'm retiring soon shame to not be there when they realise they've run out of everything.