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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 16 year old should be out with friends

57 replies

Woollypullover · 06/08/2024 23:06

My DS is 16 years old and has spent a lot of time since finishing GCSEs at home, in his room or hanging out with us and younger DS. He's been invited to maybe one party, met with friends once or twice and had a friend to stay for a couple of days, but otherwise he's just with us.

Is this normal? I'm sure 16 year olds are out with their friends more than this

OP posts:
Bastide · 06/08/2024 23:07

It’s his normal.

Bossladywood · 06/08/2024 23:09

Is he happy enough?

I often worry about my daughter, she enjoys time in her own. I’ve figured it’s not because she has no opportunity to see friends but would rather not sometimes, so as long as she’s happy and is still out and about, say once twice a week with a friend then I leave her be x

SkaneTos · 06/08/2024 23:09

Some teens like to stay home quite a bit. I know I did.

Is he happy?

Turophilic · 06/08/2024 23:10

Leave him be.

Some are out all hours at 16, some barely stir from their rooms. He will find a level that works for him.

stayathomer · 06/08/2024 23:10

Nowadays not as normal to be out I’d say kids and teens are more introverted due to screens, or just more dangers out there, or maybe he just hasn’t met his tribe. I’ve a 14 and 16 yo and they’re similar, I think about it sometimes but they’re happy at home. If he had a friend over at least there’s that, don’t worry too much x

ThursdayTomorrow · 06/08/2024 23:11

I much preferred being at home to going out socialising when I was 16. I’m in my 40s now and I still prefer it, as does my equally introverted husband. We love quiet evenings together, sitting in the garden or walking round the lanes.
Ask him how he feels. Perhaps he is an introvert and enjoys being home reading, doing hobbies or socialising online.

Original poster
Woollypullover · 06/08/2024 23:15

Bastide · 06/08/2024 23:07

It’s his normal.

But I worry that he's lonely. He'll be leaving home in a couple of years time so he needs to be and to make friends and maintain friendships properly. I'm sure more 16 year olds are often out with their friends

OP posts:
RichardsGear · 06/08/2024 23:20

He might not necessarily leave home at 18! Is your concern that he hasn't got a strong/wide friendship group so the opportunities to go out and do stuff with other people aren't presenting themselves? Perhaps this will change when he goes into 6th form or college.

MoreCardassianThanKardashian · 06/08/2024 23:20

If he has friends and communicates with them, I wouldn't worry. DD is the same and I saw some comments on an instagram post of people my age saying how they loved those days with no pressure and no responsibility where they lay in bed for as long as they wanted.

I then remembered all the lying around doing nothing that I did after my GCSEs. Heaven!

As long as there's connection, don't worry too much.

leopardski · 06/08/2024 23:23

I didn’t make any really close friends at school, I was in a group but on the outskirts. Made all my best friends at college, many of whom I am still very close to now. Don’t worry about him, he’s plenty of time with college / uni to find his people

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 06/08/2024 23:29

My oldest didn't really start going out much until 6th form.

VJBR · 06/08/2024 23:42

Is he intending to go to university. One of mine was very much a homebody and didn’t do the usual partying until they went to uni. It was the making of them.

johann12 · 06/08/2024 23:45

Is he in his room gaming with friends though ? My son does this and just goes out here and there

Drigante · 06/08/2024 23:45

I think a lot of them don't much. If you push they can easily take this as you calling them unpopular or a social failure so tread carefully. I think a lot of staying home comes down to low confidence, not knowing how to navigate it.

Getting a job has helped mine hugely. She has changed so much between end of Y11 and end of Y12.

I think some in this age group are still really affected by covid. They were Y7/8 which is such a key age in social development.

KimberleyClark · 06/08/2024 23:46

I didn’t socialise much at 16. I did have school friends but it wasn’t a local school as such and they didn’t live close enough for casual socialising outside school. I was quite happy at home.

KreedKafer · 07/08/2024 00:05

Woollypullover · 06/08/2024 23:15

But I worry that he's lonely. He'll be leaving home in a couple of years time so he needs to be and to make friends and maintain friendships properly. I'm sure more 16 year olds are often out with their friends

Show quote history

You’re projecting your own views and needs onto your son. He isn’t you at 16. Plenty of kids are happy enough doing their own thing. He clearly does have friends as he’s been out a couple of times, been to a party, had a mate to stay. He just likes his own company, and that’s perfectly OK.

There’s this weird idea that teenagers should automatically be mega sociable, but in reality, some are and some aren’t. We generally accept that some adults enjoy doing their own thing, and we need to accept that some teenagers do too

I’d also add that just because he’s more of a homebody now, that doesn’t necessarily mean he always will be. Some kids get a lot more keen on going out as they get older. But if he doesn’t, that’s OK too.

Sarahzb · 07/08/2024 00:08

Let him decide when he wants to go and socialise.
I loved reading and then you couldn't get me out of the pub heeeeeeee

JazbayGrapes · 07/08/2024 00:11

Count your blessings. He's home, with you - he's safe. Not getting into trouble, not taking substances, not hanging out with hell knows who. You need to be more appreciative.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/08/2024 00:11

Entirely depends on the 16 year old.

Precipice · 07/08/2024 00:15

I'm sure 16 year olds are out with their friends more than this

Are you? Why?

Even if it were so, so what? If you give us your age, I'm sure we can find plenty of things that 'we think' people of your age typically do, which you don't. Should you be forced to do them? Despite your disinterest and your preference for other things?

He's even seen friends this holiday! He sees them day in and day out at school. Why can't he have a break? Why can't he have time to himself?

Topseyt123 · 07/08/2024 00:40

Why are you so utterly certain that all 16 year olds are out socialising with friends all the time?
Some do, some don't. Some are home bodies and don't want to.

Make sure you aren't projecting your own personality onto your DS. He isn't you. He might be happy as he is and not want pushed or prompted to be out and about conforming to your idea of how he should be behaving.

SamW98 · 07/08/2024 00:58

Teenagers have lived through the pandemic and their formative years have been a long way removed from the normal we grew up with.

It’s made many kids more introverted and their development stages are being delayed in many cases.

My DS is 19 now and it’s only the last 18 months or so he’s started being more social. Like your DS he rarely left the house at 16 however at 18/19 he go a to football, gigs, bars etc - give him time.

Wordsmithery · 07/08/2024 03:30

I used to worry ferociously about my DD who had few friends and rarely socialised, if ever, during her school years. Now she’s an adult I still worry that she’s on her own too much but then I remind myself that she’s contented and self-contained and there’s no right of wrong way of being - just be you.

Aussieland · 07/08/2024 04:00

I rarely went out as a teenager. If my mum had kept telling me I should it would have made me feel pretty shit! I don’t like going out- am very happy at home.

Sweetteaplease · 07/08/2024 05:13

I didn't go out much at 16 and had lots of friends, I think 16 is still quite young. At 16 you have no money so there's not much to do except hang out