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Original poster

To think that a 16 year old should be out with friends

57 replies

Woollypullover · 06/08/2024 23:06

My DS is 16 years old and has spent a lot of time since finishing GCSEs at home, in his room or hanging out with us and younger DS. He's been invited to maybe one party, met with friends once or twice and had a friend to stay for a couple of days, but otherwise he's just with us.

Is this normal? I'm sure 16 year olds are out with their friends more than this

OP posts:
Ilovecleaning · 07/08/2024 05:22

Sometimes, it simply takes a bit longer for young people to acclimatise to growing up. Family members used to worry about a 16 year old nephew. Very quiet, never went out, no friends. Over he next 8 years he slowly emerged from his shell, got a job, became more chatty, met a girl and now, at 24, he’s planning to get married. Some kids just need time.

PointsSouth · 07/08/2024 05:40

What do you intend to do about it?

……

hi

hi

want to hang out or something

what you want to do?

no idea. just have to get out of the house

why bro

my mum told me to

Bastide · 07/08/2024 06:50

Woollypullover · 06/08/2024 23:15

But I worry that he's lonely. He'll be leaving home in a couple of years time so he needs to be and to make friends and maintain friendships properly. I'm sure more 16 year olds are often out with their friends

Show quote history

what makes you think he’s lonely?

AreYouShittingMe · 07/08/2024 06:53

Another one here who's child at 16 didn't socialize much. He didn't start to really socialize (out of the house) until he started year 13.
I was a bit concerned that he might be lonely/ how his future would be, but he just did it in his own time.

HotChocWine · 07/08/2024 06:54

My 17 year is pretty much either at work or at home with us

He's happy enough

BulldogMumma · 07/08/2024 07:11

I have a 16 year old who is perfectly happy at home. She communicates with her friends but in her own words doesn't want to be hanging round the streets she'd rather be at home.
If he's happy OP leave him to it, I'd rather mine was at home than out getting drunk or causing trouble

TheMarzipanDildo · 07/08/2024 07:11

That was me at 16. Good times!

Beezknees · 07/08/2024 07:16

YABU, leave him be. This was me at 16, I liked to watch movies, read, play computer games. I started going out more when I got a job at 17.

Meadowfinch · 07/08/2024 07:16

My ds has done exactly the same.

GCSEs were a slog. He's tired and wants to rest. I make sure he spends at least some time each week doing stuff out of the house, but he only has maybe 5 carefree summers left so he can spend them how he wants to.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 07:17

You're worrying about nothing.

camelfinger · 07/08/2024 07:23

In the days of 4 TV channels and limited computers a lot of teenagers went out together to avoid boredom. I used to walk around for hours chatting to my friend and buying sweets etc. I think that nowadays there’s more on offer, teens are more likely to have their own bedrooms and are made to feel welcome at home so there’s less of an incentive to go out and physically see people.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 07/08/2024 07:23

It's hard though when you know your hild is hanging around the house and you see groups of teenagers walking around, in the park, the shops. My son definitely liked being at home and he was constantly on his phone so I presume he was chatting to his friends. I used to worry but would then see the little hits around here on mopeds acting like that's and I'd think, be careful what you wish for - at least I knew where my son was.

He has a job now which is great as it's a focus for the summer holiday and gets him out of bed. He now appreciates time at home more and I don't pester him when he does have a day lounging about!

Happyinarcon · 07/08/2024 07:24

johann12 · 06/08/2024 23:45

Is he in his room gaming with friends though ? My son does this and just goes out here and there

This. Roblox online chat is very busy and you can link up with online friends and collaborate in games. It’s possible to have a very full social life from a bedroom.

TheaBrandt · 07/08/2024 07:27

Lots of friends 16 year olds are like this so it is common. They do fret about it. More teens seem to be home birds these days. That said my nearly 16 year old is the total opposite.

LlynTegid · 07/08/2024 07:31

I don't see it as an issue if he is getting out of the house. If he was sat gaming all day, then would be something to be concerned about.

furusato · 07/08/2024 07:31

Please do not project onto your son... my parents did this when I was a teen, thought I should be out more, thought I should have more friends, worried I spent time alone in my bedroom etc... made me feel there was something wrong with me and wrong with being introverted. Led to me forcing myself out more that I needed and wanted to in my late teens and early 20s and years of drinking too much to deal with having (I thought) to behave in a more extrovert and sociable way than I wanted. It took me years, and quitting drinking, to learn about the joy of meeting my own needs, learning introversion is ok and creating a lovely life of balance.

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 07/08/2024 07:55

Is he happy? If he is just leave him be

NeedToChangeName · 07/08/2024 08:01

furusato · 07/08/2024 07:31

Please do not project onto your son... my parents did this when I was a teen, thought I should be out more, thought I should have more friends, worried I spent time alone in my bedroom etc... made me feel there was something wrong with me and wrong with being introverted. Led to me forcing myself out more that I needed and wanted to in my late teens and early 20s and years of drinking too much to deal with having (I thought) to behave in a more extrovert and sociable way than I wanted. It took me years, and quitting drinking, to learn about the joy of meeting my own needs, learning introversion is ok and creating a lovely life of balance.

Great advice

OP, I hope this thread has offered you some reassurance

My DS hardly went out aged 16. Became more sociable from aged 17, but still likes a lot of tine chilling quietly at home

Be careful of telling your DS that his way is wrong. Perhaps he's just different from you

Vettrianofan · 07/08/2024 08:01

DS 17 was out yesterday with a local friend playing guitar. He only sees friends now and again. He said last night to me "Mum, it's good to have a catch up with friends now & again ". He has changed his friendship group and met nicer friends but doesn't see them as often but usually arranges something. He was ten pin bowling with another friend from a sports class at the weekend.

Your DS will socialise when he wants to.

My own DS doesn't do parties!

pizzatrucker · 07/08/2024 08:10

Ds and his mates all game together. They play specific games for a group of 4-6 depending on who is online with them. They are able to do this because each child is in their own home on their computer. If they were all here there is only one computer for them to play on.

Even if they are not gaming together they are talking over their headsets. Ds2 and his mates even did homework this way, just chatting saying did everyone else get 38 for question 3? If not giving pointers as to how to do it. They also watch tv shows on Netflix like this too.

This is the way lots of them have friends now. Look when we were young there were 4 tv channels not aimed at kids, only short segments of the schedule was given over to us and not a huge amount of exciting things to do at home so hanging out was the norm. Now there is a lot of entertainment to be had at your fingertips at home. As it has been said above It’s possible to have a very full social life from a bedroom. yes.

DominoRules · 07/08/2024 08:10

Sounds similar to my DS, he’s always liked his own space and quiet time! He does get out the house everyday, either walking the dog or doing some gardening and odd jobs. He’ll go and play football/tennis with his brother too (he’s 14). He games a bit but not hugely so. I’d worry if he was shut in his room all day but he likes hanging out with us and seems really happy so I’m just letting him do it his way.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/08/2024 08:11

Woollypullover · 06/08/2024 23:15

But I worry that he's lonely. He'll be leaving home in a couple of years time so he needs to be and to make friends and maintain friendships properly. I'm sure more 16 year olds are often out with their friends

Show quote history

I moved out for uni and made new frienda at uni, lost touch with school friends, as long as he's happy and is seeing people i wouldn't worry

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 07/08/2024 10:02

A week ago I would have written the same @OP , although my dd is not 16 until next month, so has another year at school. I was for downloading to someone at work last week - a wise older woman, who has 3 adult children (2 boys and a girl). Her advice was to leave him if he's happy. He'll find his way, love and support him. Boys develop later than girls - as example ld by my 13 year old dd who could probably run the country single handedly.

PassingStranger · 07/08/2024 10:29

Out doing what all the time?
It costs money to go out?
Wouldn't you rather he was at home more than possibly out getting into trouble, hanging round street corners?
What is it you want him to be doing?

Just leave him. Your looking for problems that aren't there?

x2boys · 07/08/2024 10:46

johann12 · 06/08/2024 23:45

Is he in his room gaming with friends though ? My son does this and just goes out here and there

Same here my 17 year old is in constant contact with his friends on line but only meets up with them every couple of weeks.

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