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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you expect to be invited?

59 replies

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:27

DH’s female cousin is home at the moment having lived abroad for a decade.

They have gone out to dinner and I’m not invited. I’m really shocked.

Would you be or am I being stupid?

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 06/08/2024 20:29

Are other partners going.
Do you actually know the cousin.

I wouldn't expect to be invited and it wouldn't bother me so YABU

3sausagedogs · 06/08/2024 20:30

I would say something. If it upsets you you should always mention it. You can always say politely I was a bit surprised I didn’t get an invite and you didn’t say anything….

RonnieMcdonnie · 06/08/2024 20:30

Depends if you know her/get on with her? It wouldn’t bother me I don’t think,

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:31

Never met her. I would think she would want to meet. Husband did ask if partners were invited and she said no.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 06/08/2024 20:33

I would expect to meet her, the only question being where. Someone who is part of the family.

Sirzy · 06/08/2024 20:33

If no partners are invited I would think nothing of it. It’s a family catch up of the family members who know each other.

RonnieMcdonnie · 06/08/2024 20:34

I think YABU then, she wants a catch up with her cousin, sure you can meet her another time

Abigaillovesholidays · 06/08/2024 20:34

If he hasn't seen her for a decade then can maybe understand them catching up without you. But if she is here for a while and they meet up again, I would think you should be invited that time.

meganorks · 06/08/2024 20:34

You've never met her and other partners aren't invited so I would say YABU. If she is only just back from living abroad I suspect she just wants to catch up with people she knows and doesn't want the whole thing to be a meet and greet of various people she's never met. Doesn't mean she doesn't want to meet you, just not on that evening.

Iloveshihtzus · 06/08/2024 20:35

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:31

Never met her. I would think she would want to meet. Husband did ask if partners were invited and she said no.

Why on earth would you want to go then? I meet up with overseas cousins when they return - maybe every 5-10 years; DH has never come with me. I have never gone to meet his.

kittybiscuits · 06/08/2024 20:36

I think it's bonkers not to include you!

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 06/08/2024 20:38

No, I would expect them to want to catch up alone. With you there they'd have to be polite and avoid too much talk about shared memories and people they knew that you might not.

mindutopia · 06/08/2024 20:38

No, i wouldn’t expect to be invited to a dinner of someone I’ve never met before. It sounds like she wants a catch up with close family after being away for so long, not a big meet the partners (and presumably kids, someone will need to bring them along) dinner.

Meeting partners and babies is for a BBQ or Sunday lunch. It’s fine they enjoy their dinner and catch up.

selldonaterecycle · 06/08/2024 20:39

Sounds like she wants to catch up on family and with those who she is familiar with. Perhaps she'll be meeting any newbies at a later date. I wouldn't be bothered about it though OP. You can't have done anything wrong anyway as she's never met you!

80schildhood · 06/08/2024 20:41

If no other partners were going and you and hadn't met her then your partner would be focussed on you and how comfortable you were and including you in the chat. With no partners there he can give his full attention to his cousin he hasn't seen in years and they can unapologetically reminisce or talk about their shared histories.

If you were the only partner excluded or they had regular nights where you weren't included then I'd understand your hurt but as a one off I wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/08/2024 20:42

Partners not invited / you've never met her :

do you not trust your husband with his female cousin ?
or is he not allowed out without you ?
are you very clingy or lack confidence that you need to accompany your husband everywhere ?

why are you ' shocked ' ?

Overthebow · 06/08/2024 20:43

If no partners are invited then no, I wouldn't expect to be invited. It's a family dinner and she probably just wants it to be her cousins she knows rather than new people she's never met for this one and that's ok.

TonyeKnausgaard · 06/08/2024 20:45

No, I wouldn't be at all shocked. It sounds totally normal.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:47

Christ I only mentioned she was a woman as I wouldn’t want to go out with a couple of boozy guys. I wasn’t suggesting there was some incest thing going on!

I see a couple of female cousins occasionally for lunch but I would naturally invite my husband to a dinner with my male cousin, I have three of them as I think they’d have something in common. I wouldn’t feel the need to see any of my cousins alone.

OP posts:
OneTC · 06/08/2024 20:50

She wants a family get together and I imagine you'll meet her at some other point.

One of my sisters is like that, she wants to do family only things sometimes, while the rest of the family view partners as family. It has lead to friction.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/08/2024 20:51

and have all of your cousins ' lived abroad for a decade. ' ?!!!

Procrastinates · 06/08/2024 20:53

I don't get why you think you'd be invited, nor why you'd even want to go? She wants to catch up with her cousin why would you be included?

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:56

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon

Only one of them and not for a decade and I was excited to meet her now husband and introduce them both to my DH (We saw them at a wedding but had this not happened we would have met together, all four of us).

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 06/08/2024 20:56

So you have never met her and no other partners are going.
I 💯 wouldn't be expected to be invited, nor would I want to. She is a stranger to you.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:58

OK I accept I must be a big weird!

OP posts: