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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you expect to be invited?

59 replies

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 20:27

DH’s female cousin is home at the moment having lived abroad for a decade.

They have gone out to dinner and I’m not invited. I’m really shocked.

Would you be or am I being stupid?

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 06/08/2024 20:59

You’re not weird to want to meet her … but it’s ok to catch up with family without partners too .

MissAmbrosia · 06/08/2024 21:02

When I go back to UK and ask to meet up with cousins/Aunties I expect to see them and not various other people. This might be because I normally offer to pay and get pissed off that every one wants to bring extra people. I really wouldn't take this personally.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:02

I would really be itching to meet the partners of my cousins and I would want them to meet my husband.

Clearly neither of them feel like me.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 06/08/2024 21:20

I dont think its weird since you arent the only one not invited. Sounds like its family catch up without having to potentially explain old stories ect.

I'd just suggest anothet meet up whilst they are here that every one is involved with.

ToothPickk · 06/08/2024 21:21

Who else have they gone out with?

Flibflobflibflob · 06/08/2024 21:23

Yeah if no partners I would assume they want to sit around and reminisce or something. i would be fine with it.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:26

It just the two of them going out tonight.

While she has been away for a decade they have actually met during that time.

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 06/08/2024 21:27

Flibflobflibflob · 06/08/2024 21:23

Yeah if no partners I would assume they want to sit around and reminisce or something. i would be fine with it.

This, it would change the dynamic to bring partners
I like doing social stuff without my partner

MiddleClassProblem · 06/08/2024 21:33

Cousins having a catch up is all. It seems weird to me that you would only see your female cousins alone but male cousins you would always take your husband because they have things in common. I think you see the gender divide but that’s fine for your family.

It might be that her first meet with him is solo but she intends to meet you at some point or it might be that’s she’s just not that fussed as some people aren’t.

ToothPickk · 06/08/2024 21:33

I think its weird. But that's because in my family we would all welcome each other, no need to kinda sneak off alone and not invite partners. It's just how we all are, both sides.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:35

God I feel really weird now. You all think I am barmy. Honestly, I was upset about it. What does mumsnet say? “I will give my head a wobble!”

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 06/08/2024 21:36

Yabu judging by what you saying ...you not meet her and no other partners are going. Sounds like it's a cousin meet up...

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 06/08/2024 21:38

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:35

God I feel really weird now. You all think I am barmy. Honestly, I was upset about it. What does mumsnet say? “I will give my head a wobble!”

I don't think you're weird or barmy. There are so many AIBU threads about invitations precisely because they are complex and bring up complex feelings. But hopefully from the thread you can see most people wouldn't invite partners to this event so it's not personal!

Maria1979 · 06/08/2024 21:45

Oh, so it's just your DH who's invited? Then I would think it's weird not asking you to come as well. Why didn't DH say "I'll bring my partner, I would love for you to meet her!"?

NewName24 · 06/08/2024 21:47

"Shocked"

I mean, have you led a particularly sheltered life ?

Fair play, you have agreed you are being a bit weird. But it seems odd that this "shocks" you.

blushroses6 · 06/08/2024 21:55

I don’t think it’s personal but a bit odd. Unless it was a girls shopping trip/baby shower or something, i’d always invite my partner to any family events/meals. Once you reach a certain age I think it’s quite normal for partners to come along too. But then i’m not particularly close to my cousins so would welcome my partners conversation!

lizzyBennet08 · 06/08/2024 22:14

Honestly I have zero interest in meeting my cousins other halves. I love catching up with my cousins though, we have a shared childhood history and love to reminisce. Partners are only in the way .

Noseybookworm · 06/08/2024 22:15

I'm surprised that you're shocked to be honest. I'd be quite happy for my DH to meet up with a cousin without me. You'd probably be really bored with them talking about old times and family gossip!

Original poster
Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:08

Right I accept that I was a bit weird about dinner but now his cousin has invited him and my stepdaughter to her parents-in-law’s house next weekend.

My daughter and I are not invited. I know we’ve never met her but really!

OP posts:
ThaTrìCaitAgam · 09/08/2024 09:17

Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:08

Right I accept that I was a bit weird about dinner but now his cousin has invited him and my stepdaughter to her parents-in-law’s house next weekend.

My daughter and I are not invited. I know we’ve never met her but really!

Well, that is odd. How did your DH react to this latest invitation?

ActualChips · 09/08/2024 09:19

Tinogirl · 06/08/2024 21:02

I would really be itching to meet the partners of my cousins and I would want them to meet my husband.

Clearly neither of them feel like me.

Would you?

I've never given a cousins boyfriend or girlfriend a moments thought.

seriesoffortunateevents · 09/08/2024 09:21

Is it like a massive fomo op? Or do you not like him doing things alone. Maybe lonely or bored?

Original poster
Tinogirl · 09/08/2024 09:25

@ThaTrìCaitAgam

He says he knew I would be annoyed but he thinks it will be good for his daughter to meet her cousins.

He did say that when they move back permanently he will invite them all away (somewhere his family used to go) so I can meet them then.

He also said that I probably haven’t entered cousin’s head as she is so preoccupied at the moment.

OP posts:
twentysevendresses · 09/08/2024 09:32

I was 'that cousin' who lived overseas for 14 years. In the space of me leaving the UK and returning 14 years later, various cousins (and other relatives) had got married. I didn't know their partners.

When I returned I had a catch up with them (over a few weeks...not as a big family meeting). On each occasion it was just me and my cousins...family gatherings have a very specific 'vibe' about them, with many 'do you remember when...?' type conversations, which can leave the 'non family' members a bit out on a limb. Shared history and reminiscing is really important (with friends too) and is often best 'just you two/three/however many'.

I did of course meet partners later, which was lovely.

I suspect your DH and his cousin feel similar. Don't take it personally...it's not 🤷‍♀️

Ahhhhhbisto · 09/08/2024 10:32

Why don't you invite to cousin to yours? Bbq or dinner or something.