Summer holiday moan

[Scandalousmum]

On week 6 of summer holidays here in Scotland and am I unreasonable to think this is just too long?
kids are climbing the walls. My budget on holidays, clubs, snacks spent. Patience spent. I work too and am at the end of my tether. Husband works full time but deals with no laundry, cooking, shopping etc. my house is literally falling apart and needing work and can’t get a thing done trying to entertain two kids. plus the weather has been shit.
how are others coping? Is it all arts and crafts or are others at breaking point and about to open the gin.

There have been a few occasions when the length of hols has been difficult, but more re childcare when working. DC went to a private school up to yr 4, so 8 weeks in the summer. I drew up a chart and booked all the hols and holiday clubs as soon as poss. I’d adjust my working pattern over the summer. We’d meet friends, family and have a holiday. The reception year was difficult because he didn’t really want to go to one of the clubs.

Once he got into music, there were better holiday clubs like holiday orchestra. At secondary level in years 7 and 8 it is a bit tricky because they really need to be doing something while you work, but are too old for some clubs. But you get through this with friends, family and before you know it they are off with their mates.

Re partner help - DH would have days off over the summer that were different from my days off. He doesn’t cook much or do the washing but does all the cleaning - suits me

This.

And kids are meant to get bored. It’s the mother of invention, creativity and resilience.

YABU.

It's such an outmoded way of doing things. Mothers aren't home all day like they used to be!
I feel for working parents, and I say this as someone who works in a secondary school.

Not to mention teacher retention. It's just about the only attractive thing left in teaching.

I feel like the kids need it.

It is tricky for parents but they do need that complete break for six weeks.

OP, I think the same as someone else that the difference seems to be that you and your husband have wildly different amounts on your plate - it’s not fair for everything to fall to you just because your paid work is part time.

I also think the idea that parents can work with kids in the house, in the background, unsupervised is a bad one. I refuse to do it. It’s fine if it’s my 15 yo (although I obviously prefer spending time with her!) but my 10 yo, just no. He does have ADHD but I don’t think that makes him so wildly different to other 10 yos.

They get bored and i can’t concentrate knowing he’s bouncing off the walls.

My tip is if you’ve got limited holiday, take it towards the end of the school hols not the beginning. There’s more good will at the beginning, and also that’s when all the holiday clubs seem to run.

Ignoring any “glorious 8 weeks” comments from teachers. How is that helpful to the OP?

PS the above doesn’t mean I never leave my 10 to make his own entertainment in the house - I’ll happily do house and garden work when he’s about or just nothing, but it’s different to concentrating hard at a computer.

I come from Ireland, where the summer holidays are much longer, and 8am-6pm childcare for school age children is scarce and expensive. I am grateful every summer that I live in London and we have 5 weeks summer holiday, and lots of reasonably priced holiday clubs. I don't see how I could keep my job back home.

Absolutely NO excuse whatsoever for your hubby not doing his fair share of housework, shopping etc. etc. You're his wife, not his skivvy! Give him a good kick up the bum!

And those two weeks would also be extortionate as everyone will want to be away at these times too.

This is your issue.

Your kids have barely been home but are moaning that they’re bored??

They sound pretty spoilt to have gone on 2 abroad holidays, clubs and play dates when most kids don’t ever get to go on holiday and still be moaning about it.

Stop trying to fill their time.
They need to learn to entertain themselves.

I think there’s a huge difference between parents pottering around the house whilst kids make their own entertainment and parents say at a computer, having meetings, and kids not even allowed in the room (which it would have to be to be working from home properly).

I think it depends on the age of your kids as well as your own work situation and where you live.

I’m a teacher at my children’s independent school. We are on week 5 of 9 and having a great time. But my DCs are 14 and 11 so happy to entertain themselves as well as doing things as a family. We’ve also got lots of outdoor space and animals to tend, which keeps us busy.

Sympathies here OP, we have a 7 week stretch this year owing to teacher training days being tagged on. As a single parent I’m fully on board for a Summer Holiday Moan👍

It was even harder when we didn’t have a garden😬. Like many things it easier the more support or wealth you have.

Also dependent on the needs of the child, my ASD DS goes to a special school, they provide no holiday club at all, through local charities I have managed to find a grand total of 3 days of activities suitable for him. Just returned from our “holiday”- which was stressful and expensive.

Roll on September….

Teacher training days are pretty crucial at the start of a term. You need mandatory safeguarding every year, new policies or procedures explained, simple practical stuff like getting new stationary and resources into your classroom, photocopying booklets ready for the first week. And again, make teachers' holidays shorter, not terms.

Same question every year?
Time flies by it will soon be September.
People need a rest and a change of routine.
School holidays shouldn't be about eating loads of food and spending lots of money.

What do people who home educate do, they never rely on schools for their children to be educated or for them to be amused and entertained?

@Littleelffriend As others have already said, my working days are typically 12 hours. I'm a single mum, teacher with extra responsibilities for my department and the wider school. It means that, during the week, I see my children for maybe 30min of quality time a day between the early morning start (where I get them up/ ready for school, drop off at childcare), pickup from childcare at around 6pm (where they are usually one of 2 children left that late), then make dinner and get them into bed. The older teen stays up with me, but I am often marking/ answering work messages/ planning even when we watch a box set together. I do dedicate a day at the weekend to be work-free, but other than that it's all chores and work. Holidays are the only real quality time I have with my children.

The FT working parents in my surrounding area either get mornings or late afternoons/ evenings with their children, or at least have a full weekend off work. They get to see plays/ sports days/ random bring-your-parent-to-school. Mine have always missed out.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing The poster posted in AIBU, inviting responses of both sides of the coin. So if the holidays are glorious for those of us who can have the time off with them, I will not keep stumm 😁

Also agree with others who say to stop trying to build too many special things into the holidays, though. I plan one thing every two days - small things like swimming, play dates, park, library etc. One or two big things to do the entire holiday - theme park, an overnight stay in a hotel somewhere for an attraction. The rest of the time, they roam free and/ or we play games. Magazines are great with primary school kids, so is the reading challenge or an age-appropriate longer book series. Monopoly kills an entire afternoon. It doesn't have to be huge.

YABU - it’s not about you. Kids need to be kids.

I haven’t said the holidays should be shortened, I am in favour of keeping them as they are.

But it would take a supremely self centred person to see a parents struggling as OP clearly is, and use provocative language like “a glorious 8 weeks”. Just tone it down - “it works well for me, and is the flip side of having to work particularly hard during term time” would be more appropriate.

Its a bit like when those of us who had to either had to go out to work in the lockdowns or had to simultaneously work (hard) from home whilst homeschooling very young children want to voice how much of a struggle it was - how traumatic to be honest, especially as a single parent doing those two things at one - people pipe up and say “I loooooved the lock downs, it was sooooooo lovely to just slow down - those wonderful long, hot days with no where to be and nothing to do”.

Well yes, if you were furloughed, have a partner and live somewhere with lots of open space l, I’m sure it was lovely. But that wasn’t everyone’s reality, and we don’t have to hear it whenever we want to process that trauma.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing spot on.

I’m not anti teacher, my dad was one, but as a single parent with a special needs child the summer holiday struggle is real!

My two are both Autistic and definitely need the long summer break to re-charge.

Apart from the kids bickering which drives me slightly mad, I am happy with the length of the summer holiday BUT I work TTO, we are comfortable financially and DH does his fair share around the house. He also takes the kids away without me for a couple of nights every summer so I can have a break. If I was trying to juggle work with childcare, struggling for money and had a DH who didn't pull his weight I would probably dread the holidays so I can sympathise with people who find it tough.

Well they do cost when you have to pay hundreds each week on childcare

Maybe he took leave when they went away in their holidays?

I think there’s a huge difference between parents pottering around the house whilst kids make their own entertainment and parents say at a computer, having meetings, and kids not even allowed in the room (which it would have to be to be working from home properly).

I work from home, my kids can be in my home office with me unless I’m in a meeting. My eldest will sit and scroll on her phone or read a book while I’m doing research, planning my workload etc. She likes the company and isn’t disruptive at all. I can also pop out of my office for a cuppa and a chat for 10 minutes. Not all working from home is chained to a desk or buried in meetings all day.

Summer holidays when I was a kid involved me and my best mate just playing at either of our houses, either in the garden playing imaginary stuff or with toys/games/bikes/scooters.

We would have maybe one or two days out a holiday but that was it.

Why are kids needing to be constantly entertained by parents nowadays??