To ask if a friend has ever suddenly stopped talking to you?

[Newlifeincoming]

I'm feeling quite sad at the moment because a good friend of mine has suddenly stopped talking to me. We were close and spoke to each other a lot, but now my texts, calls, and emails have all been ignored.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did you ever hear back from the person who ghosted you? What happened when or if they eventually got back in touch? Did you respond and continue the friendship?

this happened to me about 11 years ago.. was really good friends with a lady in the village i lived in, her DD and my DD got on really well and would regularly have sleep overs etc. and me and this woman went out together, shopping, exercising, nights out etc.. i thought she was a good friend.

i used to drive the 2 girls to school everyday as i passed on my way to work.

we moved house, closer to the school and out of the village so DD could walk to school. friend asked if i was still going to be taking her DD to school and i looked at her confused and replied that no, sorry its a 7 mile round trip to get to her village, pick up her DD and then take her to school.. and this was expected twice a day?

and that was the end of the friendship.. no explaination, i tried to keep in touch, but everything was ignored and on christmas day of all days she unfriended me on facebook which i thought was hilarious.

i have since found out that she also did this to another friend who moved away from the village.

I’ve done it to a friend of 20 years recently, although I call it the slow fade rather than ghosting.

It started when my sibling died suddenly during the pandemic. I had one text from her. Then nothing for months. She didn’t acknowledge a milestone birthday I had. Then I was added to a WhatsApp for her hen weekend. Then I had a cancer scare and was put on an urgent diagnosis pathway. Then I split up with my partner. She’s very self-centred and materialistic and I just couldn’t deal with her “me, me, me” vibe. So I just never got in contact with her again. And I don’t miss her in the slightest.

This is me at the moment.

Also overwhelmed and stretched too thin. Everyone wanting a piece of me, but I have nothing left to give.

Two friends I'd known from middle school both dumped me around age 50. No idea why although the common denominators were my divorce and perhaps their partners. We'd supported each other through lots of life events and had ended up living closer to one another.
I pushed to meet one and tried to raise it. She denied any issue but I've never heard from her again.
It's very painful and bewildering and may be to do with their partners and my divorce, who knows. It seemed strange that such long term friendships would fail at that point.
I also consider that maybe I was difficult to be with as my divorce was very difficult, and maybe I was offputtingly upset.
I try to focus on the friends who did stick with me, and remember the good years we had as friends. And let it go. Plus accept that I may well never know what went wrong.

I ghosted my so called best friend during the pandemic and it was the BEST thing I ever did. I'm not sorry and would 100% do it again.
She was an emotional vampire. I was given a list of topics that were not ok to talk about because of her mental health (i.e my fitness journey/ my chronic pain/my partner/my job/our house search etc. Pretty much everything).
She trashed my long term partner, saying I should break up with him because he clearly wasn't going to marry me (spoiler, he did). He wasn't invited to her wedding (we'd been together like 12 years) - where I was MOH (horror story for another time). She text me the same depressing shit every day. Her neighbour died of cancer. Awful, yes. I sent my condolences. That wasn't enough. She told me off for not caring enough. For a woman I never met. Ever.
I was there for her through all her trauma (and there was a LOT. Some of it completely self inflicted). As soon as I had a problem, she was dismissive. I asked for some space. Which she gave. Then nagged me again. Chatting pointless shit. So I told her that I was taking a step back from people in general because I felt I was being used (absolutely true). I then saw on twitter that she had told people I had "severe untreated MH issues". Excuse me?!
Blocked her there and then, deciding that anyone who does that doesn't deserve my friendship or closure. My life has literally improved 100%.
But that's just me.

Yes a school mum when my eldest was at school. Was super nice and friendly, would rush over to talk to me. Then suddenly one day totally blanked me. If I went to and said hello she would mutter it back without eye contact but otherwise pretend she hadn't seen me.

My guess was that our kids had had some sort of falling out - it couldn't have been anything really bad as they were in year 1 and I would have heard from school. I remain mystified today. Oddly she later became a lunchtime supervisor and my youngest (10 years younger than first child) adored her and would rush up and cuddle her and tell me "Mrs x is soooo nice to me". I don't think Mrs x had any idea that her mother is the woman she blanked 10 years earlier!

Yes. It was horrible. We had met through previous employment and stayed friends. We were close. We both maintained separate friendship groups and definitely were not overly reliant on her.

I moved jobs and relocated to an area close to where she lived. She then moved to my area. She seemed to be off with me, snappy and irritable. I asked her timidly a couple of times if she was upset with me, she rolled her eyes. I began to feel stupid and annoying.

Her best friends were local as she grew up there. She often invited me to gatherings. I sometimes went but as I'd stopped drinking and become really into fitness it often didn't suit. I tried inviting her to things with my friends but she declined saying she was too busy with her wedding and hen party plans to meet 'randomers".

One day she invited me to something but I was going to be away for an event. I suggested meeting up for some other reason but she ignored my messages.

Her hen party then wedding came and went with no invitation despite her previously telling me I was invited to both with a guest for the wedding. I only knew as I saw her photos on Facebook. Immediately after returning from her honeymoon she deleted me from her friends list.

Even stranger her friends that I knew casually (from yoga, hair salon etc) would get openly awkward when I bumped into them and tried to engage in general pleasantries. I never understood it. This was seven years ago.

Stranger again now they have all done a U-turn, her included. She doesn't seem to have the courage to walk up to me and say hello but she's forever frantically waving and shouting hello and her friends nearly wrestle me to the ground to say hello, talk to my DC and ask how I am.

I find the whole thing upsetting. I have no idea what my 'crime' was or why I was suddenly absolved. I've gone through all theories in my head and my gut says somebody made something up about me which was later revealed as bullshit.

I did this to someone and feel no remorse.

Twenty years ago I went back to my home country for a break. One night, my 'bf' phoned me from the UK waking my family up late at night.

Then proceeded to question my life choices, criticised my lack of ambition, laughed at the career I was pursuing and even critiqued my relationship with my partner, calling him a loser. She eviscerated me.

I think she'd been dumped by someone and just took it all out on me.

When I hung up, I went back to bed totally stunned and knew with certainty I would never talk to her again and felt no obligation to explain. I didn't even feel angry. She instantly ceased to mean a thing to me.

I went on to marry my partner, have two children with him, and fifteen intense years in the career she mocked.

yes it's happened to me. Im lucky really because I never cared. I'm sorry you're upset by it. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but try not to be consumed by it. Either it's them, in which case just leave them to it because you've tried several times to contact them and they've clearly made their choice, or they feel you've done or said something but instead of being an adult and actually discussing it with you, they've chosen to ghost you, in which case they're not worth bothering about.

To give you the other side.

I do this to people, I have my whole life.

I'm ok with friendships on a superficial level, and I'll happily help others any time.

When I go through things (illness, bereavements, abuse) I just become really introverted, I can't speak to anyone, I find it impossible to maintain friendships, and then when things have settled for me again I don't feel like I can reach out because its been too long.

I didn't understand why I do that until a few years ago when I was diagnosed with ADHD and also PTSD from childhood.

Ime it's definitely about me and not about the people who I cut out.

Since then I just don't make friends anymore, it's far easier for me, and others that way.

Happened to me with a friend I had know for over 30 years, I was really upset and confused, but looking back I saw her behaviour had been getting more unacceptable over time and I was lucky to be released from the friendship. Five years on she emailed asking to see asap saying she had had therapy (not for anything critical/ depression / related reason) etc but she has had therapy before and she never changes, I wished her well (and meant it) but I can’t join her circus again.
I think it was Maya Angelou who said ‘when somewhen tells you who they are, listen!”

Most of us have had this happen, unfortunately. On the plus side you tend to know who your friends are for the long haul.

I did break contact with a childhood friend but told her exactly the reasons why so it wasn't ghosting as such.

I couldn’t relate to your post more!

I like the sound of acceptance in your post. How did you get to the stage where you just know this is how you do things without beating yourself up?

Yes, literally overnight. Made good friends with our neighbours when we moved in- they were the same age as us. Did a lot together, over about 6 years. Then one day it just stopped. They started ignoring us as we went in and out of the house, not answering our messages, wouldn't take parcels in etc. They actually sold their house without us knowing and we didn't even realise they were moving until the lorry turned up....I don't even know where they moved to...
Within 4 hours of them leaving they had unfriended myself and my husband, and blocked us on all social media, as well as any mutual friends we had. Never seen or heard from them since. No argument, no fall out, nothing....we'd been out for a meal the week before they went silent on us and had a really good night......would love to know their reasons....

@BleachedJumper it didn't have to be "tangled or long", just honest. I think what you described sounds like a cowardly action. Probably your friend is better off. It's okay to clear your life / take the easy way out, but own your behaviour

I ghosted a friend in the past 12 months because she would talk badly about her friends, share things they'd told her in confidence and slag them off for their issues and in the same week you'd see her posting on socials out drinking with the same people. Ask her how the night out went and she'd talk bad about them. Repeat repeat repeat.
I'd assume she'd be talking about me since I came to the realisation I have never heard her say a kind word about anyone.

I didn't offer an explanation to her, just started ignoring her messages and if I see her I walk the other way. Nothing to be gained from the conversation other than an argument and ammunition to talk (even more) about me

Honestly it took a long time.

I kept making friends thinking this time would be different, but it never was.

When I was protecting myself I was hurting others, one woman in particular was very hurt when I didn't lean on her when I was struggling, and I didn't want to be responsible for someone else's pain.

I had never thought about the other person a lot before, I just assumed they would get over it because its only me, and I'm nothing special, but she highlighted the fact that I was hurting people.

The best decision I ever made was getting a dog. I go out for walks, chat to other dog walkers with no expectation of meeting up or emotional involvement, so I socialise that way, and then come home and do my own thing.

I'm 44 now, tried for years to change, and I don't, so I've adapted around that now.

Yes.

Friend 1 - known each other since primary school. Always in touch, went to her hen do and wedding. I’m Godmother to her children. I got engaged as her marriage was failing. She stopped answering calls/replying to texts. She was fine with other people as I could see from her social media. Walked in the hairdressers one day a few years later and she greeted me like a long lost sister. We went for a drink the next week but nothing was the same. I’d be polite if I saw her in Asda or something but I wouldn’t become as involved as before.

Friend 2 - worked together for around a year. Saw each other for lunch/catch up every few weeks. Came to stay with me when I moved a few hundred miles away. Again; went on hen do and full day/night guest at wedding. Known each other 20 years. She divorced her first husband and met and got engaged to new guy. Invited us to engagement do on a Saturday evening. I couldn’t get the Sunday off work. Same Saturday I had an event on the afternoon that I’d paid for weeks before I knew of the party. We ended up stuck in traffic on way home, had a new puppy that we’d already left for longer than I wanted. I messaged her and said I was sorry but we just weren’t able to make it. Never spoke to me again. I did offer to reimburse if she was out of pocket for our places at the party.

Friend 3 - friends for 30 years. Her wedding was originally set for 2020, obviously didn’t happen. I was asked on that hen do, it was Fri-Sun, in my industry our week starts on Sundays so the days went across 2 weeks of leave. I said no and then it didn’t go ahead anyway cos Covid. I wasn’t asked on the online one or the replacement one. Wedding was rescheduled. It would have been difficult for us as again, across two separate work weeks for me and I was still petrified about DH catching Covid (he’s CEV). Plus the travel cost and the fact there was no accommodation anywhere near, outfits for us both etc. I declined and she’s never spoken to me since.

It’s not always a simple thing to understand. I have been ghosted (because I moved away and therefore was just ‘forgotten’) but I also did the ghosting once. And I still feel really awful about it.

I was mentally in a very bad place, my husband (now ex) was abusive and I wasn’t coping at all with anything. With hindsight, he was isolating me from all my friends and family but I didn’t know that at the time. I used to go to the shops just to have an interaction with someone / anyone who would be nice to me.

I didn’t mean to do it, it just happened over time and she did contact me to ask if everything was ok and I told her it was. It blatantly wasn’t but I couldn’t admit it. I was so ashamed about everything.

She was such a good friend and I really miss her. It’s been 18 years since I last spoke to her. I’d like to apologise but I haven’t - I don’t think she’d want to hear from me. I wish I could turn back time and change pretty much everything about my life at the time but I can’t. What I did was horrible but I am truly, truly sorry.

Exactly the same story for me.

I'll never understand what happened because everything was fine prior to it and I definitely didn't do anything wrong.

It only hurt for a brief time because I quickly realised that she wasn't who I thought she was if she could do that to me (I have a VERY low opinion of ghosters) but it still crosses my mind from time to time as it makes no sense.

Absolutely. Sometimes 'friends' can be over critical selfish and controlling. And a toxic influence.

Yes and I've recently found out the reason through someone else, who could tell the situation was going round in my head so decided to just tell me what she knew. It's much better to know so that you can move on.

Yes. I was very close to a man for a few years. We were set up on a blind date and realised quickly that there was no romantic feelings but we had a great time together. I felt like he was my brother. We saw each other most weeks (he had other female friends - more than make friends I'd say). Then he got a girlfriend and obviously we saw each other less, but he still confided in me and we still saw each other and I did meet her. Then we had a slight disagreement- my fault I said something without thinking - but it WAS slight. He never spoke or contacted me again (I googled him once and he did marry the girlfriend).
I had a friend who was very close to someone. My friend got engaged and this woman was thrilled and helped her plan and was very involved. Then the wedding day came, her friend didn't show up and she never heard from her again!
A slow fade I can understand- people may just grow apart. But I suddenly drop seems strange and very hurtful.

Yes, my closest friend ghosted me. I last saw her around 8 years ago and she was fine then.

I tried to arrange a meetup but she was busy. I tried to phone but she was busy.

I stopped trying and she never called. I fear that she is in yet another controlling relationship, but there is nothing I can do to make her want to stay in touch.

I hear from her parents via mine, so I know she is ok and they don't see much of her either, so I try not to take it personally.

I really miss her though.

I found quite a few people disappeared during lockdown and when they reappeared I wasn’t really interested in picking back up again to be honest. Yes we were all going through a shit time but don’t disappear for a year and then expect to come back and carry on as normal

On the flip side quite a few people who I would have said were acquaintances before lockdown I became really good friends with during that time and would now class as very close friends

Have a few specific school friends (so known each other since the 90s) who come and go depending on how life is at that time and when we pick up again it just carries on like normal.