To ask if a friend has ever suddenly stopped talking to you?

[Newlifeincoming]

I'm feeling quite sad at the moment because a good friend of mine has suddenly stopped talking to me. We were close and spoke to each other a lot, but now my texts, calls, and emails have all been ignored.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did you ever hear back from the person who ghosted you? What happened when or if they eventually got back in touch? Did you respond and continue the friendship?

Thanks for your comments. Interesting reading them all.

i have to say I’m very sad. Didn’t need to end like this really

I’ve lost hope that they’ve get in contact again, as much as I hope they will

My good close friend of 20 years did this to me. We were at uni together. And her partner is a best friend of my husbands. We all live in walking distance and have kids same age. Share many special occasions and meals at each others houses - we even let them stay with us for a month when they were between houses. It has always been a lovely easy relaxed friendship - we meet up every week usually with the kids. Out of nowhere she just started ignoring my messages asking if she fancied a trip to the park etc. thought nothing of it to start as we both are relaxed and sometimes reply a few days later - no big deal! But this went on for weeks. No replies. Thought something had happened husband checked in with mate and all fine. Still gave benefit of doubt that something else could be going on. Didn’t even think for a moment I had upset her as it was absolutely impossible, nothing had happened. Only thing that it could possibly have been is being upset my son got a school place at a school her child missed out on. But to end a friendship of 15 years on this basis utterly nonsense and it’s not like I decide the places. But this has carried on now for months - she won’t see me. I was relaxed at first and kept reaching out. Never a cross word said. She’s never explained why and I’ve gently asked if everything is ok and that we’d love to catch up. Bumped into each other in the park and it was awkward. Makes me sad and I do miss her as I really valued the friendship and the kids playing together.

sorry to say - ghosting is either because something major is going on for that person and they don’t want to share it with you. Or because of jealousy, or just not liking you anymore.

I’ve given up on this friendship and concentrated on building new ones. Plenty of nice people around and other things to do, life too short to waste time chasing people who don’t care about or value you.

No but I have ghosted someone before.

She was a colleague but we had to work very closely together and rely on each other which gave a false sense of friendship I suppose. She really wanted me to be her chosen family and would call me several times a day even when I was on annual leave. She offloaded every problem or thought she had to me but never let me share mine. She's gay and really wanted children but they could afford the IVF and got very weird around me when I was pregnant. She kept rubbing my belly even before I was showing and started buying things for baby straight away. I asked her to stop loads.
Anyways I went off on mat leave and she left the company but for the while was unemployed she came round nearly every day. Kept trying to take my baby out without me to "give me a break", trying to bath him and "jokingly" suggested she let him suckle on her breast for comfort.
In all fairness, her behaviour forced me to go out more so I was less available which resulted in me meeting a really nice group of new mums and doing more things.

She settled down and we got on but then she invited DH and I round for dinner with her and her wife. We agreed and went and that was when both her and her wife basically waited until I was out of the room and asked DH to let them use his sperm for a baby.
Apparently they wanted to surprise me with the baby being my baby's half sibling when it was born. We could all finally be a real family.
He freaked out and shouted for me to hurry up as we needed to leave.
I never spoke to either of them again. She called, text, came to my flat, went to DHs work. We were already in the early stages of house shopping when this happened so we just sped up the process and managed to move.
She doesn't know my address but I won't go certain places still in case she's there.

So OP, I'm not suggesting you tried to steal your friend's husband's sperm behind her back, but I'm just saying that not everyone who ghosts is a bad person.

Sometimes there just becomes a point that breaks the camels back.
I had become a sound bag for the last few years to a good friend, she and I would message daily. She was forever having relationship issues, I mean weekly, our communication literally became about her latest argument / relationship ending event only for everything to be fine and dandy the following day. She has rang me in tears so many times and I’ve attempted to offer advice / help.
It drained me emotionally. A disagreement between us one day was enough for me. I can honestly say, my life now is so much better and stress free. I genuinely didn’t realise just how emotionally draining the friendship was.
I don’t have any ill feeling towards her in the slightest and wish her well, sometimes things aren’t meant to be forever.

Yes.

We had arranged to meet with our young sons for a play date. She just didn't turn up. No text. No nothing. I texted to see if she was ok and no response.

I was mortified when it clicked that she had just dumped me as a friend. It was so bizarre. We had a few mutual friends who wouldn't tell me why, saying they didn't want to get involved. One mutual 'friend' appeared to be very pleased about it and their friendship ramped up.

I honestly think the friend dumped me because we weren't wealthy enough for her.

She asked me round for coffee three years later and I actually went but I felt sick and anxious and so didn't bother with her again.

Yes this has happened to me twice and it was all my friends not just one.
The first time it was all my friends that I had since school.
We all had plans to go to university but in the end I was the only one who went.
They felt like I chose university over them and they all stopped speaking to me.
About a year later I started a relationship with a guy and made a bunch of new friends. The guy I started seeing played darts and I made a lot of new friends by going to darts matches with him.
We were together 9 years but when we split up I stopped going to darts because I didn't like playing I just went because that was his thing and he didn't drive.
All of the people I had been good friends with for over 9 years (some of which I even went on holidays abroad with) all stopped talking to me because I stopped playing darts.
It has now been 15 years since they all stopped talking to me and I didn't bother making any new friends.
It has been 15 years since I have had a friend and life is certainly a lot less stressful not having to worry about anyone else.

Yes, has happened several times.

First was a friend my sister met in Uni who I became friends with as well. We were best friends for a good few years before she ghosted me and my sister. This was before mobiles.
We got back in touch around 2007 - I think when Facebook was on the rise. We've all been good friends ever since and she's even godparent to my sons now.
We've never spoken about what happened.

Another was a girl who I'd met and been good friends with for a couple of years in mid 2000s. I'd been invited to her birthday night out in a local city. About a week before, she uninvited me and never contacted me again. (It coincided with me choosing bridesmaids for my wedding. I chose my sister and my best friend who I'd had since I was 11. I'd never told her she was going to be one but it's the only thing I can think of).

Another one was a girl I used to call "my wife from another life" in the early 2010s. We'd been insperable drinking buddies for a few years. One day because I didn't text her back about something straight away, she cut me off.

Sometimes I think maybe it's just me 🤔

Yes it's happening to me at the moment, we haven't seen each other for just over a year now, last spoke over text at Christmas and she's ignored me ever since. I'm sad about it, I thought we were closer than we obviously were, we had worked together for 12 years and had developed a friendship outside of work too, we'd both moved on to different jobs and kept in touch for years afterwards so to just be completely cut off I cannot understand.

Happened to me with a friend who I knew for a few years whilst our kids were young and in nursery together. We were good friends until she cancelled on me twice in a row and then stopped replying to messages. I decided she wasn’t worth it, and actually it made me reflect on our relationship and see her in a different light. It was totally her issue, not mine and actually I realised she had quite toxic behaviour with quite a few people in her life, and was quite relieved to be away from her drama.

Yes. It was very hurtful at the time. She did have mental health issues. A few years later I met some people that had known her before me and the same thing happened to them. I think she would get close to people and hit reset when they knew too much about her. TBH I'm terrible at staying in touch with people so most of my friendship die slowly of neglect. This situation was different. She stopped answering calls and messages, made excuses to leave if we bumped into each other.

It's happened to me a couple of times. A close friend years ago, we went to a festival, she ended up owing me a couple of hundred quid, and totally ghosted me when we got back.
I've also recently been ghosted by a whole group of friends (bar one) since my divorce. I think they didn't want to look like they were taking sides, as they don't see XH either.

I’m at a point in my life now where I’ve been alive for almost half a century and I have spent years placating people. I have apologised to people (and some was only to make peace, it wasn’t how I truly felt). I have forgiven people without an apology from them, just to continue a relationship (friends and family). I don’t imagine this is a unique situation.

The next person who is freezing me out or ghosting me, good. I am too old now to chase after adults who choose not to communicate. So to those that ghost, be prepared for the other person to write you off.

I gave up on a group of occasional meet-up old friends a few years ago. I had found it progressively more and more irritating being last in the priority list. It had been ok when I was single and I didn't mind putting in more effort than those with young kids, but then when I had DS it turned out that I was still expected to be the one making extra effort and plans changing to be unsuitable quite frequently. I particularly lost interest in 4 of them: contacting me to order me to send sympathy about a non-event when my dad was dying was the final straw. I kept up messages with 2 a bit longer, but when neither could make time to meet I just gave up; the covid break simplified it really.

I kept just one kind friend from the group, and I do feel bad she has been asked in standard tone-deaf style about "getting me out" a bit, but it doesn't affect our friendship usually and she always preferred meeting just us 2 anyway. To be honest, I think only 1 of them even realises I dropped them all, which in itself has been a lesson in hubris. Life is short and there are 8 billion souls in the world, there will always be more friends to make so it really isn't necessary to hang around with those who don't value you.

Interesting you say 'family' as well.

I've been ghosted by a friend whom I've known since infant school days...we're now in our early 50s so it's been a long friendship. She was bitching about a mutual school friend and I just had enough of her being horrible (when other friend hadn't done anything wrong at all) so i pulled her up on it and she didn't like it so dropped me too. Tbh, looking back, she was always so selfish, nights out were always on her terms, she'd be nasty about people and their achievements and I realised it was out of jealousy so I'm glad to have been ghosted.

But family... its a difficult one isn't it. Society tells us that because they're family, we should accept everything as 'fine'. But in all honesty, some members of my family I'd love to never see or speak to again because I'd never pick them as friends!

Im currently going low contact with a friend. Its hard because of our mutual friends - 2 separate groups who we have plans with in sept and oct. I want to ghost 1 whole group. Theyve cut me out slowly over the last 2 years but my main "friend" still likes to text me and tell me what the group are up to that im not invited to, sometimes she tells me before the event! We had a full group whatsapp and she openly tells me about the other group they have that just excludes me.
She is the loudest and one of the central people of the group. No one would criticise her. If i say anything she'll twist it all to make me look crazy. So low contact ghosting is the only way. People dont ghost you for no reason.

I have actually been the ghoster. Basically had a very dominant friend. Everything was about her. Within one year she cancelled plans on me 4 times as she her new boyfriend asked her to do things. Wasn't even small plans, thing I had bought tickets for that she never paid for. Then when I started seeing someone and declined plans she was very offended by it. She was very self involved, would talk endlessly to me about her life and what was going on, asked no questions about me and would change the subject when I brought anything up. Then would get annoyed with me when I didn't tell her things and stopped reaching out to her with problems.

She wasn't a good friend to me. Her company exhausted me. I would still keep in touch but everytime I did, I was berated for not doing it enough. So every time we did talk became a drama. I give up when I was trying to arrange a meeting and was very available apart from the one day she could do. She seemed offended by this at town but later that day I noticed she had deleted me on social media. So I stopped them was actually relieved.

She actually reached out recently to ask why I stopped speaking to her and I told her that she has different expectations from me for the friendship and I couldn't be bothered with any childish huffing like deleting on social media. Of course it was my fault, apparently there was nothing meant by her deleting me on social media, I was the one who overreacted to a completely normal thing. Reminded me of why I stopped contacting her in first place.

Yes - fairly recently, someone I also work with. They are having a relationship breakdown and apparently reinventing themselves along the way!

A couple we're close friends with since college. They didn't stop talking to us but stopped including us and inviting us to things. We live 5 minutes away. It's happened slowly so wasn't very obvious. Our kids were very close and now they don't see each other either. I was very upset but am indifferent to them now. They knew what they were doing. Last straw was a close mutual friend visiting from overseas and staying with them. They never mentioned it and didn't invite us. Friend presumed we'd be there and texted us asking where we were... It was all very embarrassing and awkward.

I have no idea what to say to other friends. It's really damaged my confidence.

I ghosted a friend who was awful frankly. We went on a weekend away and she was vile. Honestly I just ghosted her. I thought you're an intelligent woman behaving like you have surely you know why I've ghosted you. She was quite acidic and I didn't want to explain to be abused by her so byebye

I think the ghosting thing happens because we don't know how to break up with friends, there's no 'rules' or established social etiquette for this.

I currently don't want any more social contact with a friend I've known for 30 years. Various life events and me getting older have made me realise some of the things we got up to in our hay day were very morally reprehensible, and that I wasted money and opportunities boozing and socialising that I simply didn't have, whereas they did. Meeting them brings it back and makes me unhappy and anxious, and also we gave nothing in common now anyway.

I don't want a big scene, I would just love to shake their hand , wish them well for the future and not lose contact completely but make it clear we aren't part of each others lives anymore.

I would imagine that sounds familiar to a few people!

I've been the ghoster. And I don't regret it at all.

First friend didn't have one good word to say about her "best friends" and would relentlessly bitch about them, their lives, their clothes, things said in confidence etc to me and one day it occured to me that she was probably doing the same behind my back to them!

The second was a friend I had met through work, we ended up becoming very fast friends and I did adore him truly. He's a gay man so was all platonic and no romantic feelings. I quickly fell into the "fixer" role and would repeatedly solve all his problems, help him move when needed, listen to him at any hour of the day or night, moved in with me and actually apologized to him when overstepped my boundaries (!!) Then through lockdown I realised I was his go-to for advice for anything big or small, but that wasn't reciprocated. I went through huge trauma having DC and he just brushed over it, became very bitchy and snide. I felt beaten down by it. He was so lacking in self awareness it was exhausting and I always came out of it feeling like I was expected to give more.

Eventually I got sense and decided he didn't deserve anymore of my time so poof, I ghosted. The weight lifted. I blocked him on everything. He reached out to my family, my DH, my other friends for an explanation and he simply didn't get it because they all saw the situation for what it was. And I found out after that the reason he came looking for me was because again there was some calamity that desperately needed my assistance.

Ghosters aren't always awful people. Sometimes they're people who have literally reached their limit.

I cut a friend out once

She was so intense, flaky and draining....i couldn't bear the thought of having a discussion with her so decided to keep away for a while and make excuses if she tried to meet up.

I didn't contact her and she didn't make contact with me either. Months went by and then suddenly texted to ask why I hadnt been in touch..I didnt know how to reply so i didn't

I had a best friend all through secondary school, we stayed close after school as we started our careers, went on holidays together etc. one day in our 20's she just blanked me, stopped replying to my texts, wouldn't answer my calls and ignored me if she saw me out. I never knew what I'd done. Fast forward 10 years and she started working at my work, even then she would glare at me down the corridors if we ever passed each other. I'd love to know what I'd done.

Yes there is always another side to it.
I ghosted a friend who I realised was being emotionally abusive, belittling , sneering and bizarrely copying everything I did.
I had therapy for another issue and realised what was going on and tried to distance myself but she chased even harder.

Left 36 phone messages in one day so I changed my number
She had a very traumatic childhood and that caused the issues
It's interesting as women are supported to leave abusive men but not friendships .
No doubt she said she had no idea why

I was ghosted by a close friend of about 15yrs. We live close by and they still blank me (3 yrs later). We'd been good close friends who supported each other when our children were growing up.

It was painful. I couldn't figure what I'd done. It really hurt and knocked my confidence. I believed for ages I must be an awful person.

But tbh it's been good for me. I've been able to spend time with others whom I thought were mutual friends. They pointed out a few things I'd not noticed - bit blinded by loyality? I wouldnt have listened/or made excuses if they'd told me their perceptions.

I would never have cut off so finally. I can see now how the friendship changed, she was belittling me more/ critical of my life.

She married into wealth, her husband disliked anyone who took her attention. Money became a measure of success. I didn't fit the brief.

They also has a history of cutting off people who didn't fit their lifestyle/disappointed them. I wasn't the 1st to be ghosted. It's amazing I lasted 15 yrs.

I miss the good times. I hope she can smile if she thinks about the giggles we had. I'm not bitter anymore (well occasionally!).