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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dinner buying drama

59 replies

a222 · 06/08/2024 12:18

i stay at my boyfriend and his mums house, i texted my partner to say id bought extra so he could take some to work, and i said in what i thought was a small jab and no big deal ‘make sure your mums boyfriend doesn’t take it to work tomorrow’ as i wanted him to be able to have it for his own lunch. he’s acting like i was going to actually police the leftovers…😂

he has then said im being funny about sharing food and not to offer to buy food for the house anymore!

aibu to think it’s an over reaction?

OP posts:
Original poster
a222 · 06/08/2024 12:19

also to add i don’t stay here permanently, maybe 2/3 days a week

OP posts:
sweetpickle2 · 06/08/2024 12:22

Do you pay anything towards rent or bills or the house?

If you were staying on my house for more than half the week each week I wouldn't think twice about taking leftovers for whoever I wanted tbh, if that's your only contribution.

Sethera · 06/08/2024 12:22

Does the mum's boyfriend have form for taking other people\s lunches to work with him? If he's done it before, fair to warn. If not, a bit of an odd thing to say.

Moonshine5 · 06/08/2024 12:25

Does seem a bit selfish OP, do you give his mum any money / gifts ever?

Leafygreen84 · 06/08/2024 12:29

You sound like you e got an absolute cheek tbh. Stay half the week, contribute nothing, buy food only for yourself and then accuse people of planning to steal your leftovers? How old are you?
also I’d bet my life it isn’t “your boyfriend and his mums” house and you state, it’s his mums house and he still lives there. It isn’t half his unless her splits to mortgage and bills 50/50.

BeMintBee · 06/08/2024 12:31

I think it shows a lack of self awareness on your part. Someone kindly lets you stay in their home 2 or 3 nights a weeks so it’s very ungracious of you to make any kind of “small jab”. Perhaps you boyfriend sees this and is more than happy to share leftovers with actual bill payers.

BadNeighbour101 · 06/08/2024 12:31

When you say 2/3 days a week, what do you buy/ offer?

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 06/08/2024 12:32

Seems a pointed and ungrateful comment on the face of it.

ToothPickk · 06/08/2024 12:34

What's the setup here? Who's house is it, your BF and his Mum? Or actually his Mum?

Who normally buys the food?

BobbyBiscuits · 06/08/2024 12:42

It seems a bit weird of him. You clearly just said that bc you wanted him to eat it.
Do you eat their food when you're at the house? If so I can see why when you make something then it would be reasonable to share.
Maybe you should just offer some money to the parents to cover your use of their home? They could be moaning at your bf about you and thats why he said what he did.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/08/2024 13:05

I imagine he’s annoyed because you’re trying to foist an embarrassing / awkward conversation he has no interest in having onto him, under the guise of you doing him a favour. It would be one thing for you to tell his step-dad directly that he isn’t to eat any of the food you’ve made; quite another for you to tell somebody else that they need to tell another adult they aren’t to eat any food.

If you’re making food and have a strong opinion about not sharing it, you need to raise that with your boyfriend’s family. I’m going to guess that you wouldn’t, because you’re staying over a lot / living in their house and they’d simply tell you that you’re welcome to stay at your house / live elsewhere.

Dampshinygrass · 06/08/2024 13:10

It wasn’t funny, it was poor form.

You stay at their house 2/3 days a week using their facilities and taking up space. Yes you should be contributing and you absolutely shouldn’t be policing the distribution of whatever you bring into the house. Your
bf thought it was a bit off, rightfully so.

Original poster
a222 · 06/08/2024 13:44

to update,

my boyfriend is constantly complaining that he has no lunch for work.

i have offered a contribution for bills / electric to my boyfriend and his mum. sometimes she takes it often not though.

i clean the house when im there and i think i am fair in that i buy things for the house like cleaning product etc when needed also.

i simply said that as leftovers disappear quickly and i simply wanted my boyfriend to have the food i was buying instead of his mums boyfriend who works from home anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
a222 · 06/08/2024 13:48

also can i say that i’ve got my own house i can go to, that my boyfriend is very welcome at but he doesn’t like coming to mine for some reason he gets moody.

im constantly asking if it’s okay that im staying there and if his mum is okay with it and it’s all smiles but honestly i dont think she wants me there.

im not going to go as often anymore.

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 06/08/2024 13:49

Well you've learnt a lesson here.....let your boyfriend sort out his own lunches.

Just out of curiosity OP ....who sorts your lunch?

JJathome · 06/08/2024 13:51

How old are you? You sound like you’re all teens. If your boyfriend wants lunch why can’t he sort himself out.

JJathome · 06/08/2024 13:52

a222 · 06/08/2024 13:48

also can i say that i’ve got my own house i can go to, that my boyfriend is very welcome at but he doesn’t like coming to mine for some reason he gets moody.

im constantly asking if it’s okay that im staying there and if his mum is okay with it and it’s all smiles but honestly i dont think she wants me there.

im not going to go as often anymore.

Your house or your parents?

Summertimer · 06/08/2024 13:52

I think it’s a joke open to misinterpretation, so it’s caught you up unfortunately.

However, to all those saying you should pay to stay over with your boyfriend that’s a bit of an ‘only on Mumsnet’

Original poster
a222 · 06/08/2024 13:52

and also i have no issue with his family eating my food i couldn’t care less as his mother does kindly let me stay. i would never actually stop anyone eating leftovers.

it is the fact that i told my boyfriend i had bought extra for HIS lunches and said ‘don’t let your mums bf be taking it for his lunches’ (he does not live there, owns his own house) isn’t that big of a deal?

OP posts:
Original poster
a222 · 06/08/2024 13:53

itsmylife7 · 06/08/2024 13:49

Well you've learnt a lesson here.....let your boyfriend sort out his own lunches.

Just out of curiosity OP ....who sorts your lunch?

i sort my own lunches out haha

OP posts:
Original poster
a222 · 06/08/2024 13:54

JJathome · 06/08/2024 13:51

How old are you? You sound like you’re all teens. If your boyfriend wants lunch why can’t he sort himself out.

i don’t want to say exact ages as it may be identifying. not teens though

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 06/08/2024 13:54

Mmm, I don't think this sounds like a great relationship.

Moody boyfriend who won't come to yours but sounds like does like you to come and provide food at his Mums where he lives...

Can't keep a private comment between you actually private, and is grumping at you over something he has grumped about TO you previously...

This isn't sounding great.

Ignore PP, it doesn't sound like you're there more than half the week (3 being less than half of 7...) nor does it sound like you're not paying your way or pulling your weight whilst there.

But the dynamic here sounds rather odd. I'd stop visiting him there and see if he'll come to yours... if he can't be bothered (And there is no solid reason for that, for example he's allergic to your cat, or you live in some dank, half-submerged Oubliette where he has to battle the guard troll to get in and out each day...) ... I think that tells you this relationship is going nowhere.

JJathome · 06/08/2024 13:54

a222 · 06/08/2024 13:54

i don’t want to say exact ages as it may be identifying. not teens though

Show quote history

Ok. Clearly very young , maybe earlier 2os and both living with parents?

JJathome · 06/08/2024 13:55

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/08/2024 13:54

Mmm, I don't think this sounds like a great relationship.

Moody boyfriend who won't come to yours but sounds like does like you to come and provide food at his Mums where he lives...

Can't keep a private comment between you actually private, and is grumping at you over something he has grumped about TO you previously...

This isn't sounding great.

Ignore PP, it doesn't sound like you're there more than half the week (3 being less than half of 7...) nor does it sound like you're not paying your way or pulling your weight whilst there.

But the dynamic here sounds rather odd. I'd stop visiting him there and see if he'll come to yours... if he can't be bothered (And there is no solid reason for that, for example he's allergic to your cat, or you live in some dank, half-submerged Oubliette where he has to battle the guard troll to get in and out each day...) ... I think that tells you this relationship is going nowhere.

Suspect there is something unsaid here. Ie she lives at her parents.

itsmylife7 · 06/08/2024 13:56

a222 · 06/08/2024 13:53

i sort my own lunches out haha

Show quote history

I know you do it's obvious.
My question was to have a rethink....WHY am I sorting out this man's food ?