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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do lots of people have these sorts of savings? Or am I bloody right?!

383 replies

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 10:59

I feel like utter shit after a meal with friends at the weekend. We all have decent jobs but I am still a long way down the ladder after re training. We don’t usually talk about money but will go to nice places for a dinner etc which I can afford easily too. But it turns out that 4 out of the other five of them are saving between 1k to 1,500 a month and already have over 50k savings?! The other woman there said she has no savings and I just said I had some but not that much. The truth is I have 2k to my name and save around 150 a month usually. I earn 53k. I feel really stressed and worried about the future now as I have nowhere near the security they are talking about. I have tried to keep telling myself this week that that’s surely unusual but is it? Have I just massively fucked up somewhere? Last week I felt really content and lucky and now I just feel like a failure.

OP posts:
IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 18:57

Freespeechisvital · 06/08/2024 18:42

The issue is after 2008 and quantative easing, borrowing was encouraged and interest rates low.
Borrowing was cheap, spending easy and encouraged
It then wasn't and many people caught in that trap.

Saving has always been instilled in me.
I can't imagine living without a fall back , just in case
I got into Alvin Hall way before Martin Lewis and MSE and it was a no brainer.
He showed me how expensive debt is and how it spirals.
So many people stuck in the debt spiral where they are still paying for stuff long discarded.

But you're not responding to OP with shock that she isn't saving thousands each month. You're not telling her that she's wrong for saving less or having different priorities.

That's the attitude I'm talking about. I quietly save what I can, and if someone was to ask for my advice, I'd tell them how I manage it and what I prioritise or forgo.

There are some posters on here saying things like "if you don't have 50k of savings then you can't actually easily afford to eat out at a nice place" or "you're obviously prioritising the wrong things and you should be saving more". That's not helpful to OP or nice.

There are things generally considered as a sensible thing to do. But for those of us who started our full time working lives after that crash in 2008, that usually means going without quite a lot. When you look at housing costs (both mortgage and rent) these days, the extortionate costs of energy, how much even a basic car can cost outright/on finance or lease, how much insurances cost now, the fact that food prices have risen 50% ish for basics, that "decent" salary doesn't go very far. And I haven't bothered factoring in childcare cos it doesn't apply to OP, but it does to a lot of people.

So those people who are berating OP for saving less, maybe they need a little reality check and to think more about how everyone circumstances are different.

Startingagainandagain · 06/08/2024 19:04

Don't compare yourself with others OP.

Everyone's situation is different.

I am single and I bought a terrace house last year. Buying a house and having to pay for unexpected repairs soo after swallowed most of my savings.

I am slowly rebuilding them when I can and I usually save between £150 and £200 a month.

Mumsnet seems to be a world of its own where most people routinely earn a minimum of £60K-£100k, live in detached houses and have huge pension pots.

Meanwhile, in the real world the average salary is about 35K and half of the population has no or little savings.

Do what you can when it comes to savings and don't try to compete with others.

Gogogo12345 · 06/08/2024 19:15

MillyMollyMandHey · 06/08/2024 11:02

We save £1500 a month. We decided not to upsize on house and keep saving instead

See I earn that amount so no way could I save it all

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 19:21

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

@GiantRoadPuzzle you’ve normally got 400-500k savings? How if no inheritance?

OP posts:
IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 19:26

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 19:21

@GiantRoadPuzzle you’ve normally got 400-500k savings? How if no inheritance?

6.7 years of saving 5k every month is 400k.

I mean it's impossible for the majority, but 5,000 a month adds up fast.

GiantRoadPuzzle · 06/08/2024 19:28

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 19:21

@GiantRoadPuzzle you’ve normally got 400-500k savings? How if no inheritance?

Weirdly niche jobs, taking a risk on contracts and moving around a lot in low tax countries. Also negotiating high when starting new jobs.

At one stage, our combined income was 200k with our accommodation, bills, transport and groceries paid for, in a low tax country. Did that for 3 years & we were saving 150k per year.

In contrast, our pensions are fairly low in comparison.

GiantRoadPuzzle · 06/08/2024 19:29

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 19:26

6.7 years of saving 5k every month is 400k.

I mean it's impossible for the majority, but 5,000 a month adds up fast.

Yep, that was our calculations when working out whether to pay off the mortgage or not.

Seemed a no brainer!

easylikeasundaymorn · 06/08/2024 19:30

Lalalol · 06/08/2024 13:10

I only ever read this stuff on mumsnet. Don’t think I know a single person who has 6 months worth of salary saved and most of my friends are in professional jobs.

A lot of people must have really dull lifes. Saving for stuff that might not happen and feeling guilty about a nice meal as they “only” have £2k savings. Live a little ffs

how on earth do you know? presumably you don't know the savings of every single acquaintance, friend, colleague and family member you come into contact with? I wouldn't even know (or want to know) whether my sister has 6 months salary saved, let alone 'every single person.'

You sound incredibly judgey and are making a lot of assumptions about why people save. Most people save for a reason, not 'stuff that might not happen' but stuff that almost definitely will - retirement, to buy a house. Or for treats but not small stuff like a nice meal but more long term, like for a really nice car or holiday.

Literally nobody on this thread has mentioned feeling guilty about a nice meal.
The things some people consider worth spending money on are other people's utter waste. Some people aren't foodies for example, so spending £50 on a good steak when they'd get just as much pleasure from a big mac would be pointless.
Why would spending money on things you don't get much enjoyment on be a treat, or indicative of living well?

LouH5 · 06/08/2024 19:31

I think as well, amongst other factors, it makes a HUGE difference if you live alone or not.

Let’s say you live alone, and your take-home money each month (after tax, pension, student loan deductions) is around £2500, and your mortgage/rent, bills etc come to around £1400, that leaves you with £1100 a month for food, toiletries, socialising, car, other essentials etc etc.
You could then afford to save around £500 a month, there or there abouts.

Now let’s say you and your partner both have take home wages of £2500 each. That’s £5000 altogether. You are splitting all rent/mortgage and bills between you, so that’s only £700 each (as opposed to the single person paying £1400). So per person, that’s £1800 left over for other bits (versus the £1100 left over for the single person). But because there’s two of you, woah, between you that’s actually £3600 you have left over at the end of each month (as opposed to the £1100 for the single person). Now of course there’s two of you to buy for so groceries/socialising/toiletries is double, but EVEN SO, thinking of that £1800pp after all bills, you could probably afford to save £1000 of this. And your partner can do the same. So that’s a monthly saving of £2000 vs the single person saving £500. This shows that a couple living together and sharing bills have so much more money than a single person.

Basicslly, living with someone is double the salary, half the bills, so you can afford to save four times as much, together as a couple. Now of COURSE all this is subjective, and I am aware not every couple earns the same amount, earns amounts as high as what I’ve loosely suggested here etc etc etc etc, but the point is there.

Catdoorman · 06/08/2024 19:35

I never have meals out, or takeaways or any extras really, it's through choice, but it's easy for me because I'm somewhat introverted, so it means I can have the security of a little buffer, I wonder if you would like to have more savings? You say you can easily afford meals out, so perhaps you could forego some of those to achieve a savings goal. Set a realistic one. If you save 100 now could you aim to save 200? It's definitely achievable if you make sacrifices and compromises.

honestanswers · 06/08/2024 19:41

We don’t have any savings 🙈 Obviously we would like to but after rent, bills, food and everything else there just isn’t anything left 😣

Freespeechisvital · 06/08/2024 19:41

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 18:57

But you're not responding to OP with shock that she isn't saving thousands each month. You're not telling her that she's wrong for saving less or having different priorities.

That's the attitude I'm talking about. I quietly save what I can, and if someone was to ask for my advice, I'd tell them how I manage it and what I prioritise or forgo.

There are some posters on here saying things like "if you don't have 50k of savings then you can't actually easily afford to eat out at a nice place" or "you're obviously prioritising the wrong things and you should be saving more". That's not helpful to OP or nice.

There are things generally considered as a sensible thing to do. But for those of us who started our full time working lives after that crash in 2008, that usually means going without quite a lot. When you look at housing costs (both mortgage and rent) these days, the extortionate costs of energy, how much even a basic car can cost outright/on finance or lease, how much insurances cost now, the fact that food prices have risen 50% ish for basics, that "decent" salary doesn't go very far. And I haven't bothered factoring in childcare cos it doesn't apply to OP, but it does to a lot of people.

So those people who are berating OP for saving less, maybe they need a little reality check and to think more about how everyone circumstances are different.

I'm utterly shocked that people don't save, absolute madness !
But it's their problem, not mine
Op earns 3.4K per month no DC
If she doesn't save then it's clearly not a priority
Not my problem but like everyone else, the Op asked so I replied
Not sure why controlling the answers to the usual it's all lies or misery helps anyone

2AND2GC · 06/08/2024 19:43

Please dont fret and don't compare yourself to other people. You just never know people's circumstances.

I'm aware of many people who were gifted a large deposit by their parents to buy a property. Well that's going to make a huge difference to their finances, isn't it.

Listen to The Ramsey Show on YouTube if you want to gain an insight into how some people run their finances - you'll feel much better about yours!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 19:56

Freespeechisvital · 06/08/2024 19:41

I'm utterly shocked that people don't save, absolute madness !
But it's their problem, not mine
Op earns 3.4K per month no DC
If she doesn't save then it's clearly not a priority
Not my problem but like everyone else, the Op asked so I replied
Not sure why controlling the answers to the usual it's all lies or misery helps anyone

I'm not at all suggesting everyone says its all lies or misery. But maybe posters could be nicer.

And I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about other posters who told her that if she "only" has 2k saved then she can't afford to go for a meal out. That is madness. That is telling someone how to handle their own money, when the question was "does everyone do X?". Not "please tell me how wrong I am".

Juyjuly32 · 06/08/2024 20:17

@Freespeechisvital I think context is key here. There's a difference between someone not saving because they can't afford to and what spare money they have they might have a little treat once a month on nicer food or something. Then there's going out constantly and wasting money or maybe they have high childcare costs.

Outliers · 06/08/2024 20:17

taxguru · 06/08/2024 12:31

@Outliers

But I come from humble beginnings so learnt to live way below means. So have had a strong saving habit since I entered workforce - trait taking on from one parent who was exceptionally tight, and another who was a tad frivolous.

I'm very similar, but both parents were, let's say, tight, but mostly due to having low wage jobs. We always had a battered old car that would be forever breaking down, etc. So there was an under-current of cost cutting right from my first memories, but we always had what we wanted - it was just the frivolous non essentials that we never had. They were careful with spending so ensured no waste etc.

Funnily, whilst I embraced that trait when I started earning money, my brother went the other way and spent way more than he earned by running up overdrafts, maxing out credit and store cards, etc., and was forever buying expensive gimmicks. If he got a new store card that had a credit limit of £100, he'd just go back and spend it, even if he didn't need the stuff he bought. The interest was eye watering on his pile of monthly statements, and he's been like that throughout his adult life. Even now, he's just retired, and has already spent his tax free lump sum on what I consider to be stupid things. He's still massively in debt and heaven knows how he'll keep paying off the minimum balances on all his store and credit cards now he's only got a pension coming in. He has no savings at all. He inherited a fair chunk when our mother died and his wife inherited when her father died, but all the money's gone and there's nothing to show for it.

I went the other way. Never been in overdraft, never failed to pay the monthly credit/stores card balance in full, so literally, in 40 years I've never paid any late payment fees or interest (other than interest on the mortgage). I started saving right from my first wage, even though it was only a small amount due to a very low starting wage. We never "waste" any money - every purchase is thought through and we never have buyer's remorse because we spend so long researching and thinking about things before buying anything. Luckily, OH is on the same page and has been ever since we met - so we work well together. He had savings when we met at 22, just as I did, even though he was also on low wages. We've had a good time, and certainly havn't lived an austere life, we've enjoyed all kinds of sports, (some expensive), lots of foreign holidays (Canada, Egypt, Kenya etc so not cheap Med sun holidays), some new cars (bought outright), etc., but for all those, we've researched pricing and got deals, offers, etc., to keep the costs down. Same with food and utilities, we're well on top of contract periods, discounts/offers, etc. It just becomes a way of life not to waste money when you can have the same but cheaper! Just because we now have healthy savings doesn't mean I don't rotate supermarkets to buy stuff when each has the offers, it doesn't mean I keep my eyes open to compare petrol prices and go to the fuel station with the cheapest when I'm passing.

Thankfully our son has taken our way of living on board. He's in his first year of proper work after graduating and even on a fairly low graduates wage, he's managing to save a little despite ruinously high rent, utilities, transport costs, etc. He's just bought a new Playstation after, literally, dithering about for months as to whether he needed one, whether an Xbox would be better, pricing up all the subscriptions and games he'd have to buy and comparing each platform etc, comparing all the retailers/suppliers to get the best deal (including add ons etc). That's my boy! No buyer's remorse there - he's delighted with the decision he's made and getting a lot of value for money out of it. One of his considerations was actually how easy it would be to return if he didn't like it! Well done boy! Chip off the old block!

Very inspiring and encouraging to hear your story. This the sort of model i would hope to take in the years to come and hopefully i can instill those practices into my own children too.

I also have siblings that taken the opposite direction, and have their struggles despite earning very well.

TheGoogleMum · 06/08/2024 20:20

We don't have long term savings. 2 income but both less than you! 2 young kids

Missmarple87 · 06/08/2024 21:02

I actually think people have no idea how much other people earn. By which I mean they underestimate it vastly. Loads of really boring professional jobs could earn anywhere between £50k-£250k. My job, for example, is usually advertised without a salary and you have to check with the recruiter because the possible range is so huge. I'm pretty sure my neighbours/school mums have no clue what my salary is and therefore have no idea how much I could save each month.

All these people professing to know the financial status of others potentially have no idea.

Threewordseightletters · 06/08/2024 21:45

I earn about 66k and don't manage to save anywhere near 1k a month. Ever.

MasterBeth · 06/08/2024 21:51

mateysmum · 06/08/2024 11:18

OP I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but if you have only 2k to your name then you really cannot "easily afford" nice meals out. you should aim for at least 6 months living expenses in reserve.

It doesn't only sound harsh, it sounds completely unreasonable for you to have any kind of say over what anyone else does with their own money. Your prissy "best practice" finance industry nonsense is absolutely fine for you, if that's what you want to do. If the OP feels the joy in a nice meal out while you smugly sit at home with a cold tin of beans on your lap and a lump sum in the bank, it's not your business to tell her otherwise.

mateysmum · 06/08/2024 22:16

MasterBeth · 06/08/2024 21:51

It doesn't only sound harsh, it sounds completely unreasonable for you to have any kind of say over what anyone else does with their own money. Your prissy "best practice" finance industry nonsense is absolutely fine for you, if that's what you want to do. If the OP feels the joy in a nice meal out while you smugly sit at home with a cold tin of beans on your lap and a lump sum in the bank, it's not your business to tell her otherwise.

Blimey! Yep completely unreasonable to give an opinion and advice that the OP asked for. And I can assure you that I live a VERY comfortable life, able to live exactly as I like BECAUSE I have saved money. That's kind of how.finance works.
We all make our own choices I claim no say over anybody but if you come on a public forum and ask for opinions that is what you will get.Being able to pay for something and affording it are not the same thing.
It's people who think like you that there is no point saving who will probably live a miserable old age whilst prissy miserable old me enjoys.my best practice money.

Flossyts · 06/08/2024 22:29

Also people have different words for savings. For example, I put away £200 a month for Xmas, £500 for holidays and 300 for non monthly bills (ie car tax) but I don’t call any of that ‘saving’ as that will be spent in less than a year. For actual savings I probably put away 300ish.
beyond having an emergency fund, I also think it’s working asking what people are saving for. Life is for living 🤷‍♀️

Despair1 · 06/08/2024 22:34

Rosemarysprinkle · 06/08/2024 11:02

In the nicest way you need to stop comparing yourself. It doesn’t matter who has kids who doesn’t or what your pension pot is.

Spot on

Gogogo12345 · 06/08/2024 22:41

Flossyts · 06/08/2024 22:29

Also people have different words for savings. For example, I put away £200 a month for Xmas, £500 for holidays and 300 for non monthly bills (ie car tax) but I don’t call any of that ‘saving’ as that will be spent in less than a year. For actual savings I probably put away 300ish.
beyond having an emergency fund, I also think it’s working asking what people are saving for. Life is for living 🤷‍♀️

Wow you must have some car tax. Mines only £20 a year

Despair1 · 06/08/2024 22:43

Hi OP, please stop comparing. You said that you were feeling happy and doing well before having this conversation with your friends. Well, you ARE doing well. Everyone's circumstances are different. I know some mean people with lots of savings and know others who are happy and have minimal (if any ) savings. I have always worked FT and raised my son single handedly without support. My outgoings were extensive ( as many will appreciate) and I had an arranged overdraft as a back up.I have never lived extravagantly but was never able to save.
Live and let live OP. If/when you are able to put some aside, until then, please don't compare. I know people who have extensive debt too

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