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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do lots of people have these sorts of savings? Or am I bloody right?!

383 replies

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 10:59

I feel like utter shit after a meal with friends at the weekend. We all have decent jobs but I am still a long way down the ladder after re training. We don’t usually talk about money but will go to nice places for a dinner etc which I can afford easily too. But it turns out that 4 out of the other five of them are saving between 1k to 1,500 a month and already have over 50k savings?! The other woman there said she has no savings and I just said I had some but not that much. The truth is I have 2k to my name and save around 150 a month usually. I earn 53k. I feel really stressed and worried about the future now as I have nowhere near the security they are talking about. I have tried to keep telling myself this week that that’s surely unusual but is it? Have I just massively fucked up somewhere? Last week I felt really content and lucky and now I just feel like a failure.

OP posts:
Happilyobtuse · 06/08/2024 16:41

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 16:01

@Namechange944 no I don’t have dc

What are you doing with your salary?! No reason you can’t save monthly! Maybe not £2000 but atleast £500. You have no one else but yourself to take care of! Maybe stop spending so much on expensive meals out.

My DH is a high earner I am an average earner and we have two DC. We save around 2K a month, sometimes more and sometimes less. And no we don’t have a joyless life, we take 2 international holidays a year of which one is to Asia so quite expensive and the other somewhere in Europe. We have two high end cars which are second hand but fairly new and bought out right so no monthly payments. We have a big mortgage and that is our only debt. We also had nursery fees till july but won’t have anymore as both DC will be in school from September. We don’t eat out that often as I enjoy cooking, we do the odd takeaway or KFC, Mac Donalds, Pizza Hut, Nandos etc. We buy what clothes we need but don’t fritter away unnecessary money. Kids get clothes and toys at Birthday and Christmas. Rest only on need basis such as when going on holiday abroad where weather is different etc. Saving is not difficult if it is built into your culture and way of thinking. We have a buffer or rainy day fund for emergencies.

Superscientist · 06/08/2024 16:44

I think it's generally less helpful to look at absolute amounts going into savings and look at what proportion of salary goes in.

My partner and I started saving when students on stipends with a combined income of £26k although no deductions.

We are now earning more but now have a child and nursery costs. Broadly we budget 1/4 of a salary on mortgage, 1/4 of nursery, 1/4 on household costs and 1/4 in savings. Savings are split into presents, holidays, emergency fund for white goods etc and long term savings for renovations or replacing cars or overpaying the mortgage.

We periodically go through our finances to check we still have the balance right. We both have a tendency to over prioritise saving and have to encourage one another to spend money. It might be worth going through the last few months of bank statements and see whether you are happy with where your money is going? Looking at what proportion of your take home pay goes on housing, life and savings and manage expectations on the back of that.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 06/08/2024 16:48

I don’t know one single person who saves that. In fact, that’s about the take home pay of most people I know. That’s real life, not Mumsnet life.

Elphamouche · 06/08/2024 16:49

Namechange944 · 06/08/2024 15:56

Things can change so quickly.

After my second maternity leave in 2018/19, I had to leave my job (cost and time of commute wasn't feasible with two under 3) and it took me five months to get another. We had wiped all of our savings and were in our overdrafts... We've since managed to build up £25k in savings.

I needed to see this today. We’ve got a two week wait to find out if DH has a job he really wants. He’s working on his second job at the moment, but it doesn’t cover everything. With my maternity pay dropping £1500 a month, and him losing his main job it’s bloody hard right now.

Your post has been the reminder I needed today after many tears that it will get better. Thank you.

viques · 06/08/2024 16:51

It is about priorities, are you maxing up pension contributions, overpaying your mortgage, making sure you use all your ISA allowance? You should only be “saving” if you have made sure any money you have left over from living expenses is earning its keep in other ways, just having dead money sitting in a saving account is not an efficient use of your income.

Happyhappyday · 06/08/2024 16:52

We have one DC and put about £3000/month into pensions and save on average £1500/month on top of that. We earn around £200k between us though and live in a lower tax country.

We pay about £2500/month in private school fees at the moment though. When that goes away next year we’ll probably put about £1500/month into investments outside of pensions.

CandidHedgehog · 06/08/2024 16:54

I’m on a similar wage but 10 years older and I’m saving about that much. I have about £80,000 in savings plus £100,000 in a private pension and a government pension currently worth about £10,000 a year (which should be worth £40,000 a year if I stay in the same job until I retire).

Having said that, I got on the property ladder young and don’t have a mortgage anymore which is obviously massively helpful.

Bumcake · 06/08/2024 17:17

Mummytotwonow · 06/08/2024 15:46

We have no savings and have no idea ever if we will ever be able to save. How the hell are the people on here able to save £800+ a month 😮

They either earn well, have no fun or… lie!

In my case I can save because I’m old enough to have paid off a mortgage so that was immediately £1k a month I no longer had plans for.

Namechange944 · 06/08/2024 17:18

Elphamouche · 06/08/2024 16:49

I needed to see this today. We’ve got a two week wait to find out if DH has a job he really wants. He’s working on his second job at the moment, but it doesn’t cover everything. With my maternity pay dropping £1500 a month, and him losing his main job it’s bloody hard right now.

Your post has been the reminder I needed today after many tears that it will get better. Thank you.

Ah, I'm glad it was helpful :)

I felt similar - I'd never resigned a job before without having one to go to, so it was a scary position to be in. When you're the type of person who needs to feel financially-secure, being in a precarious position can feel terrifying. Even if you know logically that the chances are that things will improve and work out okay in the end.

Even if you save, maternity leave and the pre-school years take such a hit on the finances. But once you're both bringing in main wages again, you'll start to build up reserves again. We couldn't save much straight away, but slowly as the childcare costs reduced then were cut completely and our income increased (a small promotion and increasing my hours) we were able to up the amount we saved each month.

Good luck with your DH's job ✨

Missmarple87 · 06/08/2024 17:32

It's a simple matter of earning more and NOT SPENDING IT ALL.

We earn a lot more than you and we budget carefully - including money to fritter. We save about £2k per month and will be more after nursery fees end. Some of that money is saved to spend at a later date (car, home improvements) and some is put into investments and never touched.

ConsuelaHammock · 06/08/2024 17:36

If you list your outgoing perhaps that would give us a better idea of why you can’t save? If you’re one half of a couple and earning £50k a year then you’re wasting a lot of money on unnecessary stuff. Do you have a newish car on finance? We have tens of thousands in savings and neither of us have ever had a new car. My newest car has been 3 years old and was an ex mobility one bought at an auction. My current car is 2017 and cost me £9k last year. You need to look at what you’re spending your money on. Creating wealth for our family is more important than new ‘stuff’.

User7171 · 06/08/2024 17:37

The thing that surprises me most on threads like this is that so many people find it unbelievable that others can, and do, save a lot of money.

I don't know whether it's because a lot of people seem to assume that everyone spends to their salary - so there's little left no matter how much they start off with - or whether they don't realise just how much more a lot of people earn.

I suppose if your own circle is limited in diversity of their careers, and income levels, then it's easy to assume that it's the same for most others.

I've worked in roles varying from shifts on factory floors to senior management, and latterly consulting, over my 35 years of working life so far and earned anywhere from minimum wage to more than 10x that at some points. I've met, and got to know, people at all the many earning levels and heard loads about their personal lives.

There are many people who could only dream of saving as much as OP does, but plenty of others who would think nothing of spending thousands on a last minute weekend away and probably not even notice the blip in their account.

There are then those people who work hard towards FIRE and they don't fit into either category but they might save thousands upon thousands per month, every month, while living a frugal life.

Pennydropping · 06/08/2024 17:48

Hedjwitch · 06/08/2024 15:38

A depressing thread for those of not on big salaries. I save what I can but not even close to most of the amounts being mentioned on here

I’m on NMW and DH isn’t a high earner - but we still prioritise saving

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 17:51

User7171 · 06/08/2024 17:37

The thing that surprises me most on threads like this is that so many people find it unbelievable that others can, and do, save a lot of money.

I don't know whether it's because a lot of people seem to assume that everyone spends to their salary - so there's little left no matter how much they start off with - or whether they don't realise just how much more a lot of people earn.

I suppose if your own circle is limited in diversity of their careers, and income levels, then it's easy to assume that it's the same for most others.

I've worked in roles varying from shifts on factory floors to senior management, and latterly consulting, over my 35 years of working life so far and earned anywhere from minimum wage to more than 10x that at some points. I've met, and got to know, people at all the many earning levels and heard loads about their personal lives.

There are many people who could only dream of saving as much as OP does, but plenty of others who would think nothing of spending thousands on a last minute weekend away and probably not even notice the blip in their account.

There are then those people who work hard towards FIRE and they don't fit into either category but they might save thousands upon thousands per month, every month, while living a frugal life.

The thing that always surprises me most about these kind of threads are the people who leap straight into "you mean you don't save thousands every month? Everyone should be saving X% and needs to have 6 months expenses saved as a minimum, you're not doing it right".

Yes, there probably is an "ideal", but surely that's subjective? And some of these people are saving more than a lot of people bring in. With the cost of living rises, it surely can't be a shock that some people on what used to be deemed a "decent" salary are now struggling to save?

Freespeechisvital · 06/08/2024 17:53

Bumcake · 06/08/2024 17:17

They either earn well, have no fun or… lie!

In my case I can save because I’m old enough to have paid off a mortgage so that was immediately £1k a month I no longer had plans for.

Or they prioritise and don't waste money
The crap people buy is eye opening
Most of it ends up in a skip!

Allthislovelygreen · 06/08/2024 17:59

Campcritters · 06/08/2024 12:25

@Allthislovelygreen so you save £800 & spend £700 on housing. The remains £500 covers transport, pension, food, utilities, insurance? Wow!

No £700 covers my electricity and water too, but I'll do a budget breakdown just for fairness for the OP, she might have expenses I don't:
£180 transport
£20 internet
£150 food
£40 gym
£10 phone
£100 gifts/socialising or shopping

I don't have any insurances because I rent, and pension is taken out of my salary. Holidays and big purchases is what is use my savings for.

Quirkyme · 06/08/2024 18:04

.

Sugarcoldturkey · 06/08/2024 18:16

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 17:51

The thing that always surprises me most about these kind of threads are the people who leap straight into "you mean you don't save thousands every month? Everyone should be saving X% and needs to have 6 months expenses saved as a minimum, you're not doing it right".

Yes, there probably is an "ideal", but surely that's subjective? And some of these people are saving more than a lot of people bring in. With the cost of living rises, it surely can't be a shock that some people on what used to be deemed a "decent" salary are now struggling to save?

Having 6 months expenses (or at least 3) is a smart thing to aim for though. And very doable for anyone on 50000 per year with no kids.

You can save gradually and then once you've got that 3 months expenses in the bank you can relax and enjoy life.

I'm definitely the type of person you describe :) Growing up I was always told to have "running away" money (otherwise known as an emergency fund) to tide me over, especially with a view to never being financially reliant on a partner.

I find my savings very comforting. It really does suprise me how many well-paid people have nothing to fall back on and like it that way. We're all different.

everythingthelighttouches · 06/08/2024 18:17

Some people prioritise financial security (by saving) and some people prioritise maximising their lifestyle relative to their earnings (spending most or all their income on nice things).

Neither is wrong, it’s just a choice we make.

It sounds to me like the OP is feeling invalidated by her choice and now looking for others to tell her that her friends’ choices are extreme.

Obviously there are some people whose income is so low it is virtually impossible to save but this is by no means the situation of the OP.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 18:26

Sugarcoldturkey · 06/08/2024 18:16

Having 6 months expenses (or at least 3) is a smart thing to aim for though. And very doable for anyone on 50000 per year with no kids.

You can save gradually and then once you've got that 3 months expenses in the bank you can relax and enjoy life.

I'm definitely the type of person you describe :) Growing up I was always told to have "running away" money (otherwise known as an emergency fund) to tide me over, especially with a view to never being financially reliant on a partner.

I find my savings very comforting. It really does suprise me how many well-paid people have nothing to fall back on and like it that way. We're all different.

Edited

I don't disagree that it's sensible. It's the attitude of some posters when finding out some people are struggling to save. As if the absolute worst thing they could do is have higher outgoings than ideal.

Winter2020 · 06/08/2024 18:26

moneuapme · 06/08/2024 15:17

Thanks for the replies. Two of us have children and the rest of us don’t. I struggle to save 150 and it’s usually closer to 100. I just can’t understand how people are saving so much and also have they have accumulated so much. We are all late 30s.

I just feel like there’s no way I will catch up now and will likely never have that sort of security.

I think this thread is quite inspiring for the value of saving a little over time with patience. It's quite inspiring that saving £200 each month after 10 years you have 24k!

We have no savings - and plenty of credit card debt , although all at 0% or low interest.

I think the next payrise we get I will see if me and my husband can start putting £50 each a month in premium bonds for longer term savings.

DragonGypsyDoris · 06/08/2024 18:37

But are they saving to spend at a later date, or saving to have a financial buffer? There is a huge difference.

Diyextension · 06/08/2024 18:39

taxguru · 06/08/2024 12:31

@Outliers

But I come from humble beginnings so learnt to live way below means. So have had a strong saving habit since I entered workforce - trait taking on from one parent who was exceptionally tight, and another who was a tad frivolous.

I'm very similar, but both parents were, let's say, tight, but mostly due to having low wage jobs. We always had a battered old car that would be forever breaking down, etc. So there was an under-current of cost cutting right from my first memories, but we always had what we wanted - it was just the frivolous non essentials that we never had. They were careful with spending so ensured no waste etc.

Funnily, whilst I embraced that trait when I started earning money, my brother went the other way and spent way more than he earned by running up overdrafts, maxing out credit and store cards, etc., and was forever buying expensive gimmicks. If he got a new store card that had a credit limit of £100, he'd just go back and spend it, even if he didn't need the stuff he bought. The interest was eye watering on his pile of monthly statements, and he's been like that throughout his adult life. Even now, he's just retired, and has already spent his tax free lump sum on what I consider to be stupid things. He's still massively in debt and heaven knows how he'll keep paying off the minimum balances on all his store and credit cards now he's only got a pension coming in. He has no savings at all. He inherited a fair chunk when our mother died and his wife inherited when her father died, but all the money's gone and there's nothing to show for it.

I went the other way. Never been in overdraft, never failed to pay the monthly credit/stores card balance in full, so literally, in 40 years I've never paid any late payment fees or interest (other than interest on the mortgage). I started saving right from my first wage, even though it was only a small amount due to a very low starting wage. We never "waste" any money - every purchase is thought through and we never have buyer's remorse because we spend so long researching and thinking about things before buying anything. Luckily, OH is on the same page and has been ever since we met - so we work well together. He had savings when we met at 22, just as I did, even though he was also on low wages. We've had a good time, and certainly havn't lived an austere life, we've enjoyed all kinds of sports, (some expensive), lots of foreign holidays (Canada, Egypt, Kenya etc so not cheap Med sun holidays), some new cars (bought outright), etc., but for all those, we've researched pricing and got deals, offers, etc., to keep the costs down. Same with food and utilities, we're well on top of contract periods, discounts/offers, etc. It just becomes a way of life not to waste money when you can have the same but cheaper! Just because we now have healthy savings doesn't mean I don't rotate supermarkets to buy stuff when each has the offers, it doesn't mean I keep my eyes open to compare petrol prices and go to the fuel station with the cheapest when I'm passing.

Thankfully our son has taken our way of living on board. He's in his first year of proper work after graduating and even on a fairly low graduates wage, he's managing to save a little despite ruinously high rent, utilities, transport costs, etc. He's just bought a new Playstation after, literally, dithering about for months as to whether he needed one, whether an Xbox would be better, pricing up all the subscriptions and games he'd have to buy and comparing each platform etc, comparing all the retailers/suppliers to get the best deal (including add ons etc). That's my boy! No buyer's remorse there - he's delighted with the decision he's made and getting a lot of value for money out of it. One of his considerations was actually how easy it would be to return if he didn't like it! Well done boy! Chip off the old block!

Op asks about how much people save and someone writes there life story 🤣

GiantRoadPuzzle · 06/08/2024 18:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Freespeechisvital · 06/08/2024 18:42

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/08/2024 18:26

I don't disagree that it's sensible. It's the attitude of some posters when finding out some people are struggling to save. As if the absolute worst thing they could do is have higher outgoings than ideal.

The issue is after 2008 and quantative easing, borrowing was encouraged and interest rates low.
Borrowing was cheap, spending easy and encouraged
It then wasn't and many people caught in that trap.

Saving has always been instilled in me.
I can't imagine living without a fall back , just in case
I got into Alvin Hall way before Martin Lewis and MSE and it was a no brainer.
He showed me how expensive debt is and how it spirals.
So many people stuck in the debt spiral where they are still paying for stuff long discarded.

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