To wonder why our value is defined by money?

[Abigail47]

I was just wondering why everyone's value is defined by how money they have.

When I went to school, all of the most popular girls were from rich families. If your dad was wealthy , you were popular. The rich girls would only hang around with the othe rich girls.

If you were less rich they wouldn't talk to you. If you were poor or from a single parent family, they definitely wouldn't talk to you.

It made me think from an early age: why is my worth/ or anyone's worth defined by how much money I have. It seems so ridiculous.

There are so many other things that add up a person's worth: such as how kind they are, how good they are at different things etc.

Similarly when I went to college, the rich people would only hang around with each other.

I lived in a small town in England growing up, and again, it was always divided by money. The rich people would only really be friends with each other.

I then moved to London, which is a lot more diverse and multicultural, however you still get wealth snobbery in some of the workplaces. And even though in the workplaces, everyone talks to each other.

After work, and in hobbies, I've seen the same thing: that the really rich people in London will only be friends with other really rich people.

I mean is it not all a bit ridiculous. How is our worth tied to money? There are so many othe things that make a human valuable.

Yet alot of people seem to think of money over everything else

I don't believe that all.
I had/ Have friends of different wealths.
At School l used to think those who live in " their own houses" Not council houses were rich and owned them.. but then realised 99% were rented.
I still have friends from school... one became a millionaire by hard work.. but she's the most lovely friend and never boasts.
( I'm now a millionaire but not by choice.. by compensation) l haven't changed.. except for buying a better house and one each for my daughters).. I'm still treat the same and act the same.
I just mainly pay private more for my health.

I agree with pp. It’s because if you have friends with large income disparities, it can very quickly become awkward for everyone.

I’ve seen many threads on here about it.

You also tend to move in circles with people who are at a similar income level to you.

@Abigail47
You are being so naive.

I find a focus on wealth/income/money to be shallow and dull. I'm really not bothered about, or interested in hearing about, other people's investments, cost of their home renovations or their financial planning but some people do love to share
So you don't even want to talk about the things that interest them. So why do you think they would be interested in things that interest you?

If your hobbies are horse riding and lacrosse and your last trip took you to the Maldives then how are you going to be conversing with someone who enjoys doing something you dint enjoy and holidays at Butlins.
It's NORMAL to get on with people similar to yourself. You have yourself admitted to not funding rich people interesting if even nice. Maybe they feel the same way about you?

You said "you also tend to move in circles with people who are at a similar income level to you".

Let me correct that:

It should actually say

"Rich people tend to move in circles with people who are at a similar income level."

I've seen it so many times. Rich people will only talk to other Rich people.

To feel rich. And I think They feel richer and superior, by excluding poor people. How can you feel rich and superior, if you don't exclude poor people

People from other walks of life will hang around with anyone.

It's measured that way in a capitalist society. But lots of people don't value wealth alone. For example, I'd rather a kind and wonderful partner than one with crazy wrath who was abusive.

I'm not naive.

I'm pointing out facts.

We live in a materialistic capitalistic society, where money is valued above everything else.

When it shouldn't be like that.

"Everyone's value" !?
Says who?
I think this is more a reflection on the way you view your life and the people you mix with. Among all of our family and friends I can only think of one person that seems to think like this - they are very money oriented, talk about money all the time and name drop the people they know with money, etc.That's far from everyone - it's a tiny minority.

What about the poor girl that's left out of a friendship then, because you said she can't afford the same things. Do you feel bad for leaving her out?

Couldn't you be friends with her anyway, and just do the more expensive things with the rich friend and do other things, like go for a walk in the park with the poorer friend? It's not all about money

Again, I didn't say you ignore her and refuse to talk to her
but unless you pay for everything, and that would create resentment, then you do leave her out whatever you do?

Can you pretend it's that great you know your friends are meeting for trips and activities and you can't join, because you can't afford it, and you are the "park friend"?

Don't twist my words, I never said you can only socialise with similar income people, but I am saying it's easier and natural to be with them.

Invite me for diner and serve a cheap omelette or a michelin-star diner professionally prepared, I don't care, I would enjoy both - but i won't discuss the same things around the table.

Rich people will only talk to other Rich people.

To feel rich. And I think They feel richer and superior, by excluding poor people.

You have a chip on your shoulder, what you say is simply not true, or not as a generalisation.

I don't discuss my income of the cost of my house, but it's pretty obvious where I live. It's ridiculous to expect me to hide half my life. I don't feel rich because I talk about my holidays, but it's nice to have a casual conversation or ask if a so-called expensive destination is great for kids.

I do agree with you OP. Value is not or should not be measured by money. I have friends across different income levels and share different things with them all. People who boast about their money or stuff they own are not people I would choose as friends.

It’s also a class thing & within wealth there are different levels. A 60 yr old who had a decent job and through house price growth is living in a 1m house is not in the same league as say a 25 yr old lawyer on 6 figures in a 800k flat who comes from a family with money.

Capitalism. When I was a student, a tutors were talking about houses, and one mentioned a particular road of very expensive houses, and said, 'Yes, only the best people live there.'
I was too young and diffident to call him out on it, but I really wanted to ask him what he meant by 'the best people.'
I knew he meant the richest.
Wealth doesn't equate with having good qualities.

You said "it's easier to socialise with rich people".

I completely disagree with what you're saying. And I think it's snobbery. And I think it's what rich people say , to leave poor people out.

I have a poorer friend, and I have a richer friend . I went to a bar for a drink with both of them in the last few weeks.

The experience was exactly the same with both of them.

It's not "easier" to socialise with rich people".

None of my friends value their worth by money. What is wealth? Someone who.lives an.uncomplicated life with basic needs fulfilled: food accommodation and emotional attachments is wealthy.

it's easier to socialise with people of similar income, is what I actually said.

You might not like it, but it's easier to go on holiday with friends of similar income.

Going to a bar with a "poor friend" means you are mindful to try to pay as much as possible, not buying yourself expensive drinks and generally don't behave like a twat.

Going to a bar with a similar friend means you take turn without having to think about things.

It sounds like you feel excluded by "rich people" and you are bitter about it.

I just work in a school and I see it happening with the children again right now, and it breaks my heart.

The richer children (who are driven by their parents), will only socialise with the other rich children.

They won't speak to the poorer children at all. This is causing a lot of divide and hurt in the schooI that I'm in.

I had to sit down with a child who was crying about it last week. I told her that she had loads of amazing qualities, and to see them in herself.

I just wish that people could see beyond money sometimes

Income matters less than wealth. Plenty of people on 100k won’t be able to keep up with others on similar because of housing costs. Of my friends who stayed in London (we are all Londoners) 95% of them including myself had help to get on the ladder. Significant help too.

What are you even talking about?

My poor friend wouldn't care less if I ordered an expensive drink for myself. Shed be happy for me

She wouldn't expect me to deprive myself of things because maybe she can't have them that day.

Do you think poor people will jump at you and say "no you can't have that. Because I can't afford that".

That doesn't happen! That has never happened to me once when I've hung around with people who have less money than me.

Are you imagining that is what people do?

That's weird.

I can't imagine anyone saying to you "hey you can't have that drink, because I can't afford that drink for myself". People don't do that.

I don't think it is snobbery though. It is, generally speaking, easier to socialise with people like you.

I am not rich, and I definitely find it easier to spend time with people at a similar income level. Our lives look similar, we do similar things with our free time etc.

That's not to say that I don't have friends from across society, I do. But I don't think that the poster that said the above was wrong, or being snobby.

I have definitely been excluded by rich people in the past, and I work in a school now and I see the poorer children being excluded by the richer children again.

So yes I am upset about it.

The way you talk about poor people is like you are nearly afraid of them

I wonder if rich children need to be educated at a young age, that being poor doesn't mean that the child is bad, and that it is OK to be friends with them.

People from other walks of life will hang around with anyone.
Bollocks. Some do, some don't. Reverse snobbery can be a thing. A friend of mine has it towards me since she has deemed my finances and social status to have changed.

my DH went to a jewish school and he had very wealthy friends even though he couldn't afford the bus fare. He had a friend who lived in a house with 7 bedrooms (in London) and the father collected old timer cars.

I find the same in synagogue, people from v wealthy backgrounds (who send their kids to private school) talk fairly easily with me even though I was a poor graduate living with my MIL to save up to buy a London flat at that time.

I think its because the community is fairly small so if you try to segregate by wealth again, then you wouldn't have many people to talk to! but at the same time, it can mean that poorer people spend a larger proportion of their income on things like housing/clothes. when we were buying our first flat, we had a low budget but DH insisted we could only live in a few expensive areas (even though he wasn't religious and didn't use those amenities) cos he felt only these areas were 'acceptable' and he isn't a snobby person, its just that he grew up near those areas and is familiar with these areas. It was lucky that the house prices fell so we could afford it.

Think its a bigger issue in the jewish communityu in the USA than in the UK though

Abigail47

what's interesting is that you put me in the "rich" category. First I am not, and I am the "poor" person in many scenario 😂

It's disingenuous to pretend you behave the same way, or if you do, it's rude and very selfish.

To go with your example, why would you splash on the most expensive champagne which happens to be your favourite, in front of your friend who can only afford a soft drink? Who does that? The bar you chose in the first place will usually be based around the income anyway.

Of course if you have any manners and decency you behave differently with people.

The way you talk about poor people is like you are nearly afraid of them

FFS, what on earth are you on about? You are making a lot of stuff in your own head.

This isn’t my experience at all, although I’m older so it could have changed. The only thing that I have seen is that people can afford different hobbies etc. so meet people in the same income bracket there. I didn’t notice rich kids being popular in school or poorer kids being bullied. There were isolated kids and popular kids but wealth didn’t seem to be the issue. I don’t value people by their wealth. I have had a bit of a class issue with my northern accent occasionally with people underestimating my intelligence or even trying to take the piss. I just look at them with a blank expression.