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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of outdoorsy men on dating apps

127 replies

Latoureiffel123 · 05/08/2024 22:37

I'm sure they're just trying to seem more interesting/exciting and I can't criticise them for that, but has anyone noticed that 99% of men allegedly climb a mountain every other weekend and are always camping?

I like going on walks, and I have climbed a couple of mountains. I'm a sporty person I guess but I also like just sitting in and watching Netflix!

I don't like camping at all, give me a hotel any day (not saying I'm made of money, it's usually a Travelodge or similar)

It just puts me off a little. I like a balance, but majority of men on there seem to live for the outdoors, and large swathes of them also claim to have been to 50+ countries with only a backpack and staying in various hostels, again not my idea of fun.

OP posts:
PinotPony · 06/08/2024 07:39

My ex-DH recently started online dating. His immediate impression was that all the women on there are only interested in guys who abseil, cold water swim, or fly light aircraft. He prefers to eat and watch TV!

Surely, most people are attracted to a fairly active lifestyle? I can't imagine dating someone who just wanted to sit on their arse.

mummypigoink · 06/08/2024 07:42

In my brief foray into online dating, I did think it would be more efficient to just go for a hike as probably 60% of blokes were pictures of them hiking. And I live in the sprawling metropolis 🤣

Princessfluffy · 06/08/2024 07:43

JaceLancs · 05/08/2024 23:17

I would only be interested in a cat loving person who enjoys museums, art galleries, shopping, national trust days out etc
We also need to share views on food, drink, holiday destinations and hot sex
I will probably still be waiting

I applaud you.
Do your photos reflect these interests?

Bastide · 06/08/2024 07:46

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 06/08/2024 07:37

I agree about the crying with laughter @HolidayAtNight FAR more sexy 🤣

When I see those pictures of them looking all outdoorsy, I think of a lonely ex wife who put up with their ‘hobbies’ and who finally dumped them!

That’s pretty sexist. In the case of the most active man I know (ultramarathons, fell running etc), his ex-wife, who was even more active, instigated the divorce, and remarried to a climbing instructor whom they both knew from races.

BornLippy88 · 06/08/2024 07:46

FlamingWheelieBinofDespair · 06/08/2024 00:25

I think OP should tell us what her dating profile photos are, for balance.

Right because how dare anyone criticize a man, this shall not stand 🙄

YabaJaba · 06/08/2024 07:46

I'm on a dating app and the men in my age group are just dire. Why do men over 60 take no pride in their appearance? I'm not looking for Adonis, but at least shave, smile and put a shirt on? Is that so much to ask for?

dollopz · 06/08/2024 07:46

Epicaricacy · 05/08/2024 22:54

Nothing would put me off faster than the idea of camping, equally as bad as staying home watching tv frankly, so I am obviously not their target audience.

A 50 year old backpacking is a bit sad too, by that age you should have the finances to support a better lifestyle.

Wow! I’m considered a bit sad because Im 50 and like to back pack sometimes. I have good finances and a sense of adventure …

Runningfun · 06/08/2024 07:51

Mls1984btc · 05/08/2024 22:54

Love a outdoorsy man - he can go climb his mountain and I can chill and netflix in our own personal time then come back and do couple stuff together.

I hate a limpet who sticks by me all the time. Guess that's my age talking and why I am still single.

This

Netcam · 06/08/2024 07:52

Charlize43 · 05/08/2024 23:36

I don't think it is sad at all. I know quite a lot of 50 year olds (and older, both men & women) who enjoy backpacking because they've turned their back on wasteful consumerist culture. They also enjoy the physical challenge and endurance.

Agree. I met DH through OLD in my early 40s. We are now nearly mid-50s. He is more outdoorsy than me and runs, but I've always liked walking and independent travel.

We did lots of amazing backpacking adventures all over the world in our 40s together, and they weren't cheap. We generally stayed in local mid range hotels and small guesthouses and ate out in local restaurants. We did hikes in amazing places with incredible scenery.

But we travelled independently on public transport, organised our own itineraries and carried minimal stuff in a small backpack each, hand washing our clothes in hotel rooms.

We look back really fondly on those trips. It was a choice, not a consequence of being unable to fund a better lifestyle. For us, this was better.

The reason we have stopped is to try and save more as they were getting expensive, and we have been considering the environmental impact of flying .

We used to spend around £6000 on a 19-day trip like this, both in Asia and Europe. Looking at prices these days, what we did would cost more like £9000.

The past few years, we have been doing hiking trips in the UK. We bought a tiny micro caravan for this purpose. Neither of us would like tent camping. We need more comfort, a proper bed, and a toilet. At our age it is really good for our health. And it means we can go away more regularly. But in the evening after a day's walking, we like to snuggle up in comfort and watch Netflix together and relax.

Our worst nightmare would be a cruise or an all-inclusive beach holiday. We have professional jobs, and a good joint income could afford to go on one. We just wouldn't as they are not our kind of thing.

His outdoorsy mindset has been good for me, I've done things I wouldn't have otherwise considered, and it keeps me active. And he says he has travelled to places he wouldn't have been sure about going to independently.

He would do longer hikes than I could manage, and I push myself a bit more than I would otherwise. But overall, we compromise and stick to something I feel won't completely exhaust me, but that he feels worthwhile.

Ecstaticmotion · 06/08/2024 07:54

Really agree with this. I’d much rather someone had an interesting worse paid job that they were passionate about than a boring poorly paid job…

DancefloorAcrobatics · 06/08/2024 07:54

YabaJaba · 06/08/2024 07:46

I'm on a dating app and the men in my age group are just dire. Why do men over 60 take no pride in their appearance? I'm not looking for Adonis, but at least shave, smile and put a shirt on? Is that so much to ask for?

I think they are trying to doge a cretin stigma!
I mean what a catch! 🤮

Sensitive content
To be sick of outdoorsy men on dating apps
Simonjt · 06/08/2024 07:55

Epicaricacy · 05/08/2024 22:54

Nothing would put me off faster than the idea of camping, equally as bad as staying home watching tv frankly, so I am obviously not their target audience.

A 50 year old backpacking is a bit sad too, by that age you should have the finances to support a better lifestyle.

Better finances? What like being able to keep your home, holiday for 12 months and not require an income to do so?

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 07:55

QueenBitch666 · 06/08/2024 01:56

I have the finances to support an excellent lifestyle and I've backpacked around India at 60. Does that make me sad?
What a nasty, ageist, judgmental comment 🙄

so what if it's judgmental? We are all judgmental when it comes to dating ,or we should be 😂.

I have no interest in a middle-age block - which is my age btw - pretending to be a teen, or worst not being able to afford better ways of travelling. Yes, I do find it pathetic. Been there, done that, but I've grown up and I am not pretending to be 20 anymore. It was always a bit creepy or sad to see "mature people" when I was backpacking. Call it agism if you want, you don't even know how old I am!

I am judged by men just as much as I judge them, probably more, that's the game. You'd have to be ridiculously desperate to be interested by anyone just because he's male (or female).

midgetastic · 06/08/2024 07:57

Grief just accept that people are different

So excited by my upcoming backpack tenting holiday - it's the top lifestyle for me not sone second best

midgetastic · 06/08/2024 07:58

In response to " you should have the finances to support a better lifestyle " which is plain bitchy

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 08:00

Simonjt · 06/08/2024 07:55

Better finances? What like being able to keep your home, holiday for 12 months and not require an income to do so?

it's cute that you seem to assume most of us couldn't do that, just because we wouldn't call "backpacking" a holiday anymore.

theleafandnotthetree · 06/08/2024 08:00

Netcam · 06/08/2024 07:52

Agree. I met DH through OLD in my early 40s. We are now nearly mid-50s. He is more outdoorsy than me and runs, but I've always liked walking and independent travel.

We did lots of amazing backpacking adventures all over the world in our 40s together, and they weren't cheap. We generally stayed in local mid range hotels and small guesthouses and ate out in local restaurants. We did hikes in amazing places with incredible scenery.

But we travelled independently on public transport, organised our own itineraries and carried minimal stuff in a small backpack each, hand washing our clothes in hotel rooms.

We look back really fondly on those trips. It was a choice, not a consequence of being unable to fund a better lifestyle. For us, this was better.

The reason we have stopped is to try and save more as they were getting expensive, and we have been considering the environmental impact of flying .

We used to spend around £6000 on a 19-day trip like this, both in Asia and Europe. Looking at prices these days, what we did would cost more like £9000.

The past few years, we have been doing hiking trips in the UK. We bought a tiny micro caravan for this purpose. Neither of us would like tent camping. We need more comfort, a proper bed, and a toilet. At our age it is really good for our health. And it means we can go away more regularly. But in the evening after a day's walking, we like to snuggle up in comfort and watch Netflix together and relax.

Our worst nightmare would be a cruise or an all-inclusive beach holiday. We have professional jobs, and a good joint income could afford to go on one. We just wouldn't as they are not our kind of thing.

His outdoorsy mindset has been good for me, I've done things I wouldn't have otherwise considered, and it keeps me active. And he says he has travelled to places he wouldn't have been sure about going to independently.

He would do longer hikes than I could manage, and I push myself a bit more than I would otherwise. But overall, we compromise and stick to something I feel won't completely exhaust me, but that he feels worthwhile.

You both sound great, what an enviable relationship!

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 08:02

midgetastic · 06/08/2024 07:58

In response to " you should have the finances to support a better lifestyle " which is plain bitchy

you know we are talking about dating, don't you?

I don't care how you spend your own life, but I am allowed to expect more from a partner. I don't want them to support me or my kids, but I have no interest in a partner who cannot support himself to the same level. You are happier in life when you don't settle for the sake of it.

Simonjt · 06/08/2024 08:02

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 08:00

it's cute that you seem to assume most of us couldn't do that, just because we wouldn't call "backpacking" a holiday anymore.

What makes you think I have assumed most people wouldn’t be able to do that?

TroysMammy · 06/08/2024 08:04

When I was OLD 10 years ago the men were holding fish.

Simonjt · 06/08/2024 08:05

Knowing what you definitely don’t like is a good thing, but online dating can make you unusually harsh in a way that you wouldn’t be with face to face dating.

I personally wouldn’t have consider someone who wasn’t sporty, active and who didn’t have hobbies, which for some people would have been the total opposite of what they like.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 06/08/2024 08:07

They are just trying to show they are the epitome of vigorous masculinity - and deserve to be indoorsy with you. No one is going to post themselves with a languid hand hovering over a game of tiddlywinks.

anonymous98 · 06/08/2024 08:07

YANBU. Even when I was very active, the last thing I wanted to do was climb a mountain every weekend. It's boring!

Polarnight · 06/08/2024 08:10

Threads like this make me realise what judgmental arseholes exist.

Don't like someone who's outdoorsy. Don't like them sitting at home.

Don't like anything, all take to mn to slag them off.

You're all so perfect with everything to offer? You don't have exes and kids that are a pain in the arse and might put people off you? Can't say that can we.

They're different to you that's all.

Honest to God.

Polarnight · 06/08/2024 08:11

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 08:02

you know we are talking about dating, don't you?

I don't care how you spend your own life, but I am allowed to expect more from a partner. I don't want them to support me or my kids, but I have no interest in a partner who cannot support himself to the same level. You are happier in life when you don't settle for the sake of it.

Exactly I'm not supporting anyone. And it's a deal breaker for me.

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