Page 5 | How many sleepovers will your 8-12 have this holiday?

Dino11 · 2024-08-05T19:13:20+00:00

AIBU to think the amount of sleepovers expected these days is a bit much? how many sleepovers (at your home) will your 8-12 year girls have this summer holiday? just wondering if the amount we do is ‘average’ now?

hopeishere · 06/08/2024 07:58

Mine are older but it would have been none. I hate sleepovers. It disturbs my sleep and I can't wait to get them out in the morning!

Disturbia81 · 06/08/2024 10:28

sunsetsandboardwalks · 06/08/2024 06:27

I'm surprised so many people don't allow sleepovers.

I had sleepovers about once a week during the holidays in from about 8 years old and as a teen it was every weekend, pretty much. Either I stayed there or someone stayed round mine.

I was an only child so I do wonder if that makes a difference, though many of my friends had siblings and still did regular sleepovers.

Yeah it probably does, I have older sisters so I was only one at home as a kid so had sleepovers maybe every few months. My kids still sleep in same bed chatting and having fun so less need to do it

AgileGreenSeal · 06/08/2024 10:29

Sleepovers are a 🚩 to me.
you have no idea who will be getting access to your child or what activities she will be exposed to while under someone else’s roof.

ItsAlrightDarling · 06/08/2024 10:30

Disturbia81 · 06/08/2024 10:28

Yeah it probably does, I have older sisters so I was only one at home as a kid so had sleepovers maybe every few months. My kids still sleep in same bed chatting and having fun so less need to do it

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Same here, my 10 and 9 year olds are best friends and regularly sleep over in each other’s room. So probably less need for actual sleepovers.

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 10:32

AgileGreenSeal · 06/08/2024 10:29

Sleepovers are a 🚩 to me.
you have no idea who will be getting access to your child or what activities she will be exposed to while under someone else’s roof.

It's frightening to imagine kids raised with that level of anxiety and how they will suffer or become the same.

Of course we know who the children will be with? What are you even talking about?

Universalsnail · 06/08/2024 13:36

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 10:32

It's frightening to imagine kids raised with that level of anxiety and how they will suffer or become the same.

Of course we know who the children will be with? What are you even talking about?

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I personally know 3 different people who were sexually abused as children at sleepovers. The people most likely to sexually abuse your children are people you know and trust and a sleep over is the perfect environment for that.

I only allow sleepovers with families I know have no men or boys in the household and who I know well until a child is a teen and I am confident they have a good grasp of boundaries, consent, and appropriate behaviour by others.

It isn't being overly anxious. It's just not taking a needless risk. Young children don't need to have sleepovers and not having a sleep over until they are older isn't going to cause them life long anxiety. Being sexual abused by someone's brother will though.

Rumors1 · 06/08/2024 14:35

AgileGreenSeal · 06/08/2024 10:29

Sleepovers are a 🚩 to me.
you have no idea who will be getting access to your child or what activities she will be exposed to while under someone else’s roof.

Same @AgileGreenSeal none at that age due to risk of sexual abuse. I work in child protection services and many children are sexually abused by fathers and brothers at sleepovers. I know the risk is low but its not one I was willing to take. Lots of social workers I know dont allow their children to sleepover at that age.

Original poster

Dino11 · 06/08/2024 14:51

Bunnycat101 · 06/08/2024 05:29

I honestly think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I wouldn’t be doing them on a work night for a start. At some point you have to also respond to your needs and clearly you’ve got into a pattern of something that is too much.

Do a lot of your circle’s group have sahms? I’d probably be doing more sleepovers if I didn’t have a job but so many of my children’s friends’ parents are either working, or abroad so there definitely isn’t any sort of pressure to be constantly doing stuff this holiday at all.

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I only know one SAHM…although a lot of the others either run own business or one can WFH so manage ok, we have normal jobs, one shift worker. Definately have got into a pattern that I’m now struggling to keep up. Will just have to cut down a bit and be honest

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Original poster

Dino11 · 06/08/2024 14:54

AGoingConcern · 05/08/2024 22:40

Have you talked to your DD's friends' parents about it?

Ours has a friend who sleeps over frequently but her family never hosts our DD overnight because it doesn't work for their family. The parents were honest about it and acknowledged a reluctance to accept invites without being able to reciprocate, and my DH and I (and DSD's mum) have never had a problem with it. They do other things to keep the relationship from being one-way, like offering to drive the girls to activities/events, hosting daytime things, or sending their DD with a box of pastries for everyone to have for breakfast.

I will also stress that I consider sleepovers and slumber-parties to be different, and it's totally ok to make sleepovers very low-key, just a normal night with one extra child at the dinner table and getting sent off to bed at the usual time.

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I haven’t, but I will now and explain I will need to limit them a bit more, thanks.

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AgileGreenSeal · 07/08/2024 17:57

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 10:32

It's frightening to imagine kids raised with that level of anxiety and how they will suffer or become the same.

Of course we know who the children will be with? What are you even talking about?

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I’m talking about this, very clearly stated by @Rumors1

“Same ** none at that age due to risk of sexual abuse. I work in child protection services and many children are sexually abused by fathers and brothers at sleepovers. I know the risk is low but its not one I was willing to take. Lots of social workers I know dont allow their children to sleepover at that age.”

ShortColdandGrey · 07/08/2024 18:42

Only 1 this summer holidays and it was at my mums. My 8 year old doesn't seem to be able to handle sleepovers with friends yet. She is fine at some family members.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 07/08/2024 18:44

None with friends. A couple with cousins and a couple with grandparents

spiderplant56 · 07/08/2024 19:19

DD 8 has not been on any, thankfully hasn't been asked as we have told DD no sleepovers. She can have friends here but she can't sleep at anyone else's.
Thankfully she has another school friend whose parents feel the same.

However I do worry about when a friend has a slumber party and DD is invited and then feels left out cos she can't go. Obviously she won't understand the reasons why.

Lemonsallday · 07/08/2024 23:47

spiderplant56 · 07/08/2024 19:19

DD 8 has not been on any, thankfully hasn't been asked as we have told DD no sleepovers. She can have friends here but she can't sleep at anyone else's.
Thankfully she has another school friend whose parents feel the same.

However I do worry about when a friend has a slumber party and DD is invited and then feels left out cos she can't go. Obviously she won't understand the reasons why.

What are the reasons why?

SlashBeef · 08/08/2024 00:13

Epicaricacy · 06/08/2024 10:32

It's frightening to imagine kids raised with that level of anxiety and how they will suffer or become the same.

Of course we know who the children will be with? What are you even talking about?

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It's frightening that in the last 2 years I personally know of two fathers, working as teachers and arrested for possession of child sex abuse inages. Both 'nice, likeable, good dads' who you'd happily send your kids to for play dates. Sleepovers are not a thing for my kids and they're truly unbothered. I'd rather they miss out on sleeping in someone else's house than live with trauma because I trusted the wrong family.

spiderplant56 · 08/08/2024 07:33

For the same reasons others have mentioned.

Once your child is at a sleepover you have no idea what could be going on and who is coming into the house. Do they have an older brother who may have friends over?
An uncle staying....

I mean you don't have to go too far on the internet to find plenty of stories of kids being sexually abused at sleep overs or being shown things that are inappropriate. I really don't think it's worth the risk. No judgement on those who do allow sleepovers though, it's just not something DH and I are comfortable with.

MiddleAgedDread · 08/08/2024 07:42

BF’s DD took a friend away for the week with her mum and she had an invite to go away with the friend but it clashed with the week she was away with her dad. They’re both an only child and very close friends.

Mermaidsarereal · 08/08/2024 10:12

My DD 12 had one at our house the first weekend that the holidays started but we've been on holiday for a week and I've told her no more here until the end of the hols due to us working and her needing to stay at grandparents. She's now staying at a friends house this weekend, it's the first time in a few years she's actually slept out as they usually always end up sleeping at ours!

Disturbia81 · 08/08/2024 19:47

@SlashBeef Men are always spoiling shit, it never ends

Sounreasonable · 09/08/2024 08:10

SlashBeef · 08/08/2024 00:13

It's frightening that in the last 2 years I personally know of two fathers, working as teachers and arrested for possession of child sex abuse inages. Both 'nice, likeable, good dads' who you'd happily send your kids to for play dates. Sleepovers are not a thing for my kids and they're truly unbothered. I'd rather they miss out on sleeping in someone else's house than live with trauma because I trusted the wrong family.

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Could they have sleepovers at yours? My ds doesn’t sleep out (apart from a single night at my sisters once) but is always having people here.

anon4net · 09/08/2024 08:11

None. My older daughter had loads but I really notice this is one area in our friendship circle that hasn't gone back to normal since covid.