should i not have text sister

[itstartswithus]

Me and my siblings are no contact! they are not blocked or anything, but for my own MH and sanity i had to go NC earlier this year. They have sent me the odd message in the past months, but i've chosen either not to reply, or have replied with simple acknowledgement and not engaged with them further! (for example i have a very poorly sister, who i am also NC with and i've received a text telling me they are in hospital, or this that and the other, i assume in a bid to guilt me into communicating)

Today, there was a demonstration very close to one of the sisters homes, and the homes and work places of her children and for one reason or another, it was clear it was going to go very wrong, which it did and very quickly, so i dropped my sister a quick text, telling her to stay safe!

Just because i am NC, doesn't mean i wish them harm, but apparently now i am the devil for messaging her!

Should i have just not bothered? by NC do i litterally have to absolutely never contact or respond again, no matter what the circumstance?

Sadly OP, only you know how your particular family is likely to react, but to an outsider, your sending the odd text particularly if you feel they are in danger, seems a very reasonable thing to do. I'm sorry they didn't appreciate your expressing your concern for them. It seems that in this case, NC means absolutely NC! Take care, and try not to let it bother you too much.

So, you receiving a text to let you know your very poorly sister is in hospital is them trying to guilt you into communicating with them… but your message regarding a demonstration which, presumably they already knew about as it was as in their doorstep should be seen differently by your sibling?

You need to decide whether you want to be in their life or not.

Then go from there

You cant have it both ways, if you want to NC then block their number.

If you're nc then there's no need to contact her, she knows there's riots, she's seeing the same news as you so it was unnecessary anyway

you are correct, however, if or when i've received a message from her, i've either not replied or have been very polite with my acknowledgement, no nastiness just a simple 'thanks for letting me know'

her reply today was vile!

(and don't assume she knew about the demonstration and the following riots)

what is a "text sister"?
The past tense of the verb "to text" is "texted"

When they text you, it’s them trying to guilt you into communicating.

When you text them they’re supposed to be ok with that and what, grateful for the contact?

YABU.
You can’t have it both ways.

I agree - you can't have it both ways unfortunately.

Clearly there is a lot more to the story.

thanks... if there are any grammatical errors you wish to point out, then crack on.

no more to the story... no drip feed.

This isn’t NC

Indeed. It's very hypocritical. You can't have it one way or another OP. You're either no contact so don't text ever or you're low contact in which case occasional texts are fine but that works both ways

I must admit I'd be pretty cross if you hadn't replied to the message about being in hospital but had sent message about a protest it seems very cold.

Well.... the whole reason as to why you are no contact is what's missing.

Your reasons are good, theirs are bad. And they feel the same way. But the other way around.

you are right i did say i assume thats her trying to guilt me into communicating, i assumed that it was ok to still 'care' even though no contact!

if my sister was ever in dire trouble, i'd want to help!

There was no need to message your sibling, op. You either want to be part of their life or you don’t. If you don’t, no need to send any kind of message - that’s what nc means.

irrelevant.. you don't need to know why i've chosen NC

So you’re not actually NC, you want contact only on your terms.

Aibu?

Yes you are.

No I’m not!

Ahh, it’s been at least a day since I’ve seen one if these sorts of threads. I have missed it!

Op I'm thinking maybe they feel hurt when they message you and you ignore them or you send a reply thats maybe cold...especially if they are telling you about your unwell sibling. I guess maybe it looks like you pick and choose when it's OK to be concerned or when it's time to ignore which of course ultimately is down to you but for some that can also be trigging their end. I also wouldn't want to hear from someone who ignores me when I message them. No excuse for sending vile messages though. They could have just said how they feel without being vile.

i never said i didnt reply about my other sister being in hospital. i did say

but i've chosen either not to reply, or have replied with simple acknowledgement and not engaged with them further!

**

Just move on. There's no happiness and fun there is there. Sounds toxic and a load of aggro.
Just cos they share parents with you, dosent mean they are your favourite people.

Friends are the family you choose for yourself.

im happy to receive comments.. clearly my idea of NC is not what i thought it was and that as someone has mentioned Low Contact is perhaps more appropriate.

i am allowed to answer questions without snippy comments

Even a simple acknowledge is cold though especially with no follow up messages.

It certainly comes across that you want contact but only on your terms so no matter what they do they'll be in the wrong.