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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He went on holiday with another woman and didnt tell me?

74 replies

Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 19:51

I have been in a relationship with a man for one year. At the moment, it is the summer holidays, so we are apart visiting our families, as we both work term-time. He told me he was going back to our working country a bit earlier, which I didn't really think much about. He said he would go on a trip to the beach until we start working again in the city.

Then he texted me today saying he plans to go to the beach with his friend. I started getting a few romantic texts, which was unusual for him.

No problem, but then he tells me he's meeting with another woman who he used to work with. I felt upset and confused as to why he told me this at the last minute. She then posted a picture on Instagram of the two of them in the pool, drinking cocktails, and having a great time.

He will spend the whole week with her. We went on holiday a few weeks ago, and he didn't post a picture of us together. Would you be upset by this?

OP posts:
SauviGone · 04/08/2024 19:54

Are you sure you’re not the OW?

Have you met his family and friends? Does he acknowledge you at all on social media?

cupcaske123 · 04/08/2024 19:54

Would I be upset about my boyfriend spending a week with another woman?🤔

Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 19:57

No, he does not post me on social media. He says his friends and family know about me.

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 04/08/2024 19:58

Has he posted a picture of them? Did he stop you posting a picture of you two? On one hand he has told you and is still texting. Could you call and see if he answers? On the other hand how long ago was this trip planned? Why not tell you then? Have you meet his friends/family?

Surprisedmystified · 04/08/2024 19:58

It sounds OP as though you think you are in an exclusive relationship but he doesnt see it as such.

Cityandmakeup · 04/08/2024 19:58

Who is the OW and why is he so brazen,

Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 20:00

Ive never met his friends or family. He never stopped me posting but certainly didnt feel like that stage. He has been texting but ive not responded after i saw the photo as im so upset.

OP posts:
Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 20:01

OW is someone he used to work with 6 years ago!

OP posts:
Lifeisapeach · 04/08/2024 20:13

Something doesn’t add up. If you’re in a relationship you don’t go on holiday with another woman. You need to confront him.

sunshineandshowers40 · 04/08/2024 20:23

I think you may be the OW (unknowingly). It's all a little odd. If she tagged him in the photo he will probably work out that you have seen it. If I could I would to be face when I asked him about it.

Inertia · 04/08/2024 20:26

Sounds like she’s his actual partner/wife.

StopInhalingRevels · 04/08/2024 20:28

You've been in a relationship for a year and it's unusual to receive a romantic text?

ByCupidStunt · 04/08/2024 20:30

Yes, I'd be very upset if my boyfriend went on holiday with another woman.

Punkrockprincess · 04/08/2024 20:34

Oh op, I'm sorry but I think you are the other woman. This friend from work is likely his wife or long term girlfriend.

LifeExperience · 04/08/2024 20:36

It sounds like you're the other woman. Sorry, OP.

Pineapplewaves · 04/08/2024 20:36

After being together for a year, DP and I visited our families together, both families would have thought it strange for us to visit separately when we were in a relationship - it was also the first time that we introduced each other to our families as both our families live far away from us.

It seems strange that a couple who have been together for a year would visit their families separately?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/08/2024 20:41

It sounds to me like the BF told her BECAUSE she mentioned she was going to post the photo on Instagram. I wonder if the boyfriend would have told op, if she didn't post anything.

I'm sorry op, this doesn't look good.

Choochoo21 · 04/08/2024 21:31

I agree with PPs that you are the OW.

He posts on SM but doesn’t post you - of course that’s not normal.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 04/08/2024 21:35

Ive never met his friends or family.

That seems odd after a year together.

Bobbotgegrinch · 08/08/2024 08:37

StopInhalingRevels · 04/08/2024 20:28

You've been in a relationship for a year and it's unusual to receive a romantic text?

Some people aren't romantic. I don't think I've written a romantic text in my life!

mummybear35 · 08/08/2024 08:45

You’ve never met his friends and family? He visits his family without you? He doesn’t post publicly when he’s on holiday with you? I’m afraid it sounds like he’s pulling a fast one in you and you’re being played. You ARE the other woman, walk away…

crumblingschools · 08/08/2024 08:50

Why haven’t you met his friends? Wouldn’t this be the ideal holiday time to meet his family after going out for a year? Wasn’t this suggested?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 08/08/2024 08:51

Allthehorsesintheworld · 04/08/2024 21:35

Ive never met his friends or family.

That seems odd after a year together.

It may be odd, but I’ve been with the same man for more than forty years, and I’ve never met his family ( though I have spoken to them on the phone). He met mine occasionally. So it’s not de rigueur.

I still wouldn’t be delighted at the holiday with AN Other, though.

Sonia1111 · 08/08/2024 08:57

Definitely sounds like he is in a relationship with her, or having a holiday romance. As he didn't post the picture, nor posts any pictures of you two, I would suspect he is running more than one relationship at the same time and enjoying all the benefits that come from those. Talking to him will probably be useless as he will try to come up with any deflection or explanation to keep it going with you and the others.

SaintHonoria · 08/08/2024 09:04

If his family live abroad I can understand you've never met his family and if your family live abroad I can understand that he's never met yours.

But never met his friends is most odd. Never been out with any of his friends and their partners? His friends haven't had a birthday party or get together or a wedding? Most odd.

You do appear to be his bit on the side or as the youngsters like to call it, a fuck buddy.