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Original poster

He went on holiday with another woman and didnt tell me?

74 replies

Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 19:51

I have been in a relationship with a man for one year. At the moment, it is the summer holidays, so we are apart visiting our families, as we both work term-time. He told me he was going back to our working country a bit earlier, which I didn't really think much about. He said he would go on a trip to the beach until we start working again in the city.

Then he texted me today saying he plans to go to the beach with his friend. I started getting a few romantic texts, which was unusual for him.

No problem, but then he tells me he's meeting with another woman who he used to work with. I felt upset and confused as to why he told me this at the last minute. She then posted a picture on Instagram of the two of them in the pool, drinking cocktails, and having a great time.

He will spend the whole week with her. We went on holiday a few weeks ago, and he didn't post a picture of us together. Would you be upset by this?

OP posts:
Goldcushions2 · 08/08/2024 09:14

mummybear35 · 08/08/2024 08:45

You’ve never met his friends and family? He visits his family without you? He doesn’t post publicly when he’s on holiday with you? I’m afraid it sounds like he’s pulling a fast one in you and you’re being played. You ARE the other woman, walk away…

This.
I wouldn't dream of responding to him.
I would be done.

Ace56 · 08/08/2024 09:19

Yeah this is weird. Why are you not spending any of the summer together? Surely now would be a good time for you to meet each other’s families? No one goes away for a week with a woman they ‘used to work with’. He doesn’t see you as a partner, OP, you’re just a fling or someone he has sex with I’m afraid.

Downunderduchess · 08/08/2024 09:41

As they say on Love Island, he’s proper mugged you off OP. I might have written a comment on the social media post/pic & tagged him in it just as a farewell message.

Melonjuice · 08/08/2024 10:01

Have you asked him who she is? Yikes
I’d message something underneath which makes it obvious that I’m his girlfriend and wishing him a fun time
I was with my partner for 13 years and we went on holiday together. I found out that he told this woman he’d met that I was a “friend”
I was devastated and so angry , I left

Melonjuice · 08/08/2024 10:09

Forgot to add, leave him !

NeedToChangeName · 08/08/2024 10:09

Sorry, OP. You're the OW

Move on and put this behind you

Iwantamarshmallowman · 08/08/2024 10:36

I'm really sorry op, from what you have posted I would say he's married. There are lots of red flags here.

cordelia16 · 08/08/2024 12:18

Choochoo21 · 04/08/2024 21:31

I agree with PPs that you are the OW.

He posts on SM but doesn’t post you - of course that’s not normal.

tbf OP said the woman posted on SM, not her partner

it doesn't look good, regardless of who is posting the pics

Getonwitit · 08/08/2024 12:38

Sorry but he is playing you. I think you are the OW.

HRTQueen · 08/08/2024 12:46

Of course I would be very upset

he will spin a load more lies as he has already done and you really do not need to hear them and you absolutely will never hear the truth

tone to say goodbye, don’t engage with him. sometimes we have to accept we will not get answers that we are wanting but you do have one truth and that he isn’t worthy of you

I promise you will soon feel better if you now take control than allow him to continue to string you along

74Violette · 08/08/2024 19:22

Well I would be contacting her and just asking if they're in a relationship. Sounds like it. I wouldn't be rude but I would have to make contact. You will likely get more truth from her than your boyfriend.

MissMoneyFairy · 08/08/2024 19:33

Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 20:01

OW is someone he used to work with 6 years ago!

How do you know if you've never met any of his friends or family, is this what he told you.

Phoenixfire1988 · 08/08/2024 19:37

Absolutely not , be done with him while it's only 1 year wasted !

RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames · 08/08/2024 19:43

I would probably have commented under it 'looks like you're having a great time! Wish I was there, can;t wait to see you at home x' or similar because that to me is a normal thing to comment to your partner. Then you'll see if she contacts you to ask who you are.

I like to think of myself as laid back about friendships, but I wouldn't be able to see this as anything other than totally disrespectful and suspicious. It's a holiday, not a few drinks after work at the pub!

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2024 19:46

Lifeisapeach · 04/08/2024 20:13

Something doesn’t add up. If you’re in a relationship you don’t go on holiday with another woman. You need to confront him.

I really hope you wouldn't even consider confronting him as there is absolutely nothing to talk about. He must think you're an absolute idiot or will just accept anything he dishes out.

I would never, ever speak to him again.

Tiegs · 08/08/2024 20:03

It's not normal for a man that's in a relationship to go on holiday with any other girl I wouldn't stand for it . He wouldn't like it if you went on a holiday with another man .
Something is very weird here . You should comment on the picture

Devonshirerexx · 08/08/2024 20:22

My very close friend had a relationship that sounds a very similar situation.
I did some digging and we found that his name wasn't what he had told her and he was infact married with 4 kids she was blissfully unaware the wife.
We felt awful for her bit she took him back.
I think you should message the woman and ask who she is to your boyfriend and see what she says , then you can go off her reply.
I hope that it is innocent.

krazynutnut · 08/08/2024 20:24

I'd be gone!! Would it be easy for you to just block him and disappear? Do you work/ live together? This is so weird.

Mannddiee · 08/08/2024 21:04

What a shame. You don't deserve this and that is what you need to get across the best way possible.

There is no compromise to respect and his actions are disrespectful, whichever way you wrap this up.

AgnesX · 08/08/2024 21:08

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 08/08/2024 08:51

It may be odd, but I’ve been with the same man for more than forty years, and I’ve never met his family ( though I have spoken to them on the phone). He met mine occasionally. So it’s not de rigueur.

I still wouldn’t be delighted at the holiday with AN Other, though.

Show quote history

You have met his friends though?

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/08/2024 22:00

Is it definite that he has gone on holiday with her or just happened to meet? Dating someone for a year and never meeting any of their friends seems odd though. Has he met any of your friends?

Sootyb · 08/08/2024 22:37

What the 😳

Pettyhangingbaskets · 08/08/2024 22:43

Block on everything and don’t give him another thought

Catlord · 08/08/2024 22:58

I think I'd message 'You're on a week's beach holiday with another woman without mentioning it to me until after arrival.'. And block. It's so bizarre he thinks that's ok behaviour that I would point it out in quite a po faced way but leave no opportunity to reply.

OfficerChurlish · 08/08/2024 23:33

I wouldn't read anything into the fact that she posted a pic of them on holiday while he didn't post a pic of you two on holiday except perhaps that she doesn't think whatever relationship exists between them is private or secret (he hasn't asked her to keep the trip secret from you). Can't you tell from context (the picture, the language around it, the former colleague's other posts and social media presence in general - does she ever mention him, or mention another partner?) whether the two of them are romantically involved or not?

Your relationship sounds a little non-traditional - you are from different countries, work in a third country, and are together in term time but each go away and do your own thing in the holidays? - so some of the comment here on what's normal vs alarming might not fit your dynamic. If you want to continue the relationship with him I'd first try to figure out if the behaviour is out of character for him and for your relationship - would he normally tell you all of his holiday plans in advance, and details of where he went and who he met when the two of you are apart, and vice versa? Is he normally a planner, or it it plausible he went away spur of the moment? If it IS in character, do you want the relationship to change so he would tell you these things and act more like part of a couple who make all decisions together? It sounds like you do want that and perhaps he doesn't, or hasn't really thought about it. If he's not used to being in a relationship, and/or considers it a casual or part-time relationship (even if monogamous), he might genuinely not consider that you'd find his spending a week with another woman upsetting and confusing.