Page 3 | He went on holiday with another woman and didnt tell me?

Creamjamscones · 2024-08-04T18:51:11+00:00

I have been in a relationship with a man for one year. At the moment, it is the summer holidays, so we are apart visiting our families, as we both work term-time. He told me he was going back to our working country a bit earlier, which I didn't really think much about. He said he would go on a trip to the beach until we start working again in the city. Then he texted me today saying he plans to go to the beach with his friend. I started getting a few romantic texts, which was unusual for him. No problem, but then he tells me he's meeting with another woman who he used to work with. I felt upset and confused as to why he told me this at the last minute. She then posted a picture on Instagram of the two of them in the pool, drinking cocktails, and having a great time. He will spend the whole week with her. We went on holiday a few weeks ago, and he didn't post a picture of us together. Would you be upset by this?

ForKeenDeer · 09/08/2024 07:24

Creamjamscones · 04/08/2024 20:01

OW is someone he used to work with 6 years ago!

You're the OW!

LouH5 · 09/08/2024 18:14

I don’t think you’re the OW, or that he is married to this woman or anything, because surely of you have seen this one pic on her social media, that means you can access her full account? If they were married or even in a long term relationship, there’d be loads of other posts and pictures of them together. Are there? I’m guessing not, otherwise you would’ve said.

So I don’t necessarily think this is his wife/gf and you’re the OW, I think he’s just being a prick and meeting up with some old friend on holiday. But that is still no good thing. Sounds like he has been very sketchy, only telling you at the last minute, the whole thing is not on and not nice for you at all. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.

I would have definitely confronted him by now.

Umbrella15 · 09/08/2024 18:23

Sorry op, your deffinately the other woman. Everything seems a bit strange to me, to go the whole summer without seeing each other and then he decides last minute to go away with "an old friend" who happenes to be a female. The fact you havent meet any of his friends or family aswell seems a bit sussed. Walk away before you end up getting hurt.

Rewis · 09/08/2024 18:34

Have you had a talk about your relationship? Is he under the impression that this is just something casual? I'm not convinced you're the OW. My vibe is that he doesn't think he's in a relationship and thinks he's free to do as he wishes.

seriesoffortunateevents · 09/08/2024 18:35

eh, mate sorry, he’s in a relationship with her. I think you know this.

seriesoffortunateevents · 09/08/2024 18:36

And yes you’re the ow, never met his friends or family a year in? Did that not seem weird to you?

Sinderalla · 09/08/2024 18:44

OP
You need the full story.
No point in asking us for us all to get it wrong.
You can tell if someone is lying, message her and ask if that's her partner...
or ask him face to face when he's home with you.
Let us know how you get on x

Gcsunnyside23 · 09/08/2024 19:43

If you aren't the ow then it's very weird if him to think it's normal behaviour

Tillow4ever · 09/08/2024 20:10

LouH5 · 09/08/2024 18:14

I don’t think you’re the OW, or that he is married to this woman or anything, because surely of you have seen this one pic on her social media, that means you can access her full account? If they were married or even in a long term relationship, there’d be loads of other posts and pictures of them together. Are there? I’m guessing not, otherwise you would’ve said.

So I don’t necessarily think this is his wife/gf and you’re the OW, I think he’s just being a prick and meeting up with some old friend on holiday. But that is still no good thing. Sounds like he has been very sketchy, only telling you at the last minute, the whole thing is not on and not nice for you at all. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.

I would have definitely confronted him by now.

If this woman tagged OP’s bf then it will show up on HIS social media, which presumably the OP can see. It doesn’t mean she can see everything on the woman’s profile if she has it set to private.

LouH5 · 09/08/2024 20:29

Tillow4ever · 09/08/2024 20:10

If this woman tagged OP’s bf then it will show up on HIS social media, which presumably the OP can see. It doesn’t mean she can see everything on the woman’s profile if she has it set to private.

Show quote history

Yeah I would just assume if they were married or in a long term relationship, that this wouldn’t be the first time she’s ever tagged him, surely wherever that came from, there’d be plenty more that OP would be able to access relatively easily.

AtlanticMum · 09/08/2024 20:36

Oh OP. This is extremely upsetting. My heart goes out to you. She might be a very good old pal who he hangs out with and he doesn’t think anything of their relationship beyond old friends - but to have barely/mentioned it last minute is indeed and unfortunately a red flag. You have every right to question this a year in and a holiday down. He should be a lot more clear at this point. Best of luck in figuring it out and keep us posted. Mumsnet is great for this kind of thing and it happens a lot on here.

Carlyle · 09/08/2024 21:17

comment on the picture. preferably with an intimate story about him, or make a comment about something you would only see or know if you were sleeping with him. give him a surprise too

TerracottaWorrier · 09/08/2024 23:05

I don't think a lot of you get the set up. They both work in a foreign country probably as international school teachers. In the school holidays they go back to their home countries, see their families, and from the sound of it, also took a trip together.

Her bf is now hanging out with another expat teacher who he used to work with. Nothing screams other woman here.

This is the transient and weird nature of teaching relationships, OP. The foreign men are usually in a buyers market. Unless you live together, it's going to be like this. I get that you're upset. I had a similar relationship. It hurt a lot. I think you need to be honest with yourself about whether it's a situationship. Would you guys take a new contract in a new location as a couple, or is the whole relationship contingent on you both being in the same place at the same time?

Gems2k · 09/08/2024 23:05

I was seeing someone he asked me to be his girlfriend just before I deployed for 4 months. I noticed a lady on his Facebook “loving” every photo and commenting on every post. I asked him about her. He said just a friend and a bit fat for me! She was not fat at all btw. My spider senses tingled and I sent her a very polite message asking her what her relationship was with my BF. She was mortified she’d been casually seeing him and was the OW. She was so upset but we ended up having a laugh and I called him out. I shared the horrible texts about her with her so he couldn’t charm his way back in. She blocked him and moved on. She shared the very graphic sexual texts between them. We didn’t do this to hurt each other but to share evidence of this snakes behaviour. If you send a polite message to her asking what her relationship is make it lighthearted. “I’m sure you will have a laugh if you are just friends, I’m feeling there is something more between you me and …. Have been together for a year. See what she says. If she doesn’t respond at all possibly she’s the OW and knows about you.

webs1991 · 09/08/2024 23:47

Allthehorsesintheworld · 04/08/2024 21:35

Ive never met his friends or family.

That seems odd after a year together.

this is fishy - I feel you are the other woman or at least not exclusive ? What’s the reason you’ve not met any friends or family where is this relationship actually going then after a year?

chubbychopsticks · 10/08/2024 00:29

This has happened to me. I simply asked if he would be okay with me holiday if with a male friend abroad and post about it?

I always loved a line from a song (can’t remember which one) the woman says to the cheating partner…when your with her in bed do you ever wonder who I’m with or what I’m doing?

it gave him food for thought.

Harmonypus · 10/08/2024 02:37

@Creamjamscones

He says his friends and family know about me.

Yeah right, my ex told me this for 8.5 years.
His f&f all lived at the other end of the country, so I never met any of them, but I knew a lot about them all. I would ask him to wish his daughters a happy birthday from me, wish people well when I heard they were ill, etc, and each time he came back saying they'd thanked me for my kind wishes. Then, after all those years, I discovered he was married and just working away from 'home', and obviously no-one knew about me at all, and certainly had never received my food wishes, nor sent messages back.
Needless to say, the lying b***d is now my ex, but I'm still (14 months later) trying to come to terms with just how, and for how long, he managed to string me along.
I don't think I'll ever trust anyone in that way again.

WeightLossGoal2024 · 10/08/2024 08:08

I also think he's in a relationship with both of you . One year in you should have met people in his life! Even on FaceTime due to geography

ADRV · 10/08/2024 08:12

No offence, but this man doesn’t see you as future ‘forever’ potential. I’m sorry. Imagine if you went on holiday with another man. It’s not appropriate - you deserve better.

Alittlebitfluffy · 10/08/2024 08:41

This sounds dodgy AF, to me.

I'm sorry but you sound incredibly naive... why haven't you met his friends? What possible excuse is there?

Bigbobalady · 10/08/2024 09:30

I’d be furious… have you confronted him?

JFDIYOLO · 10/08/2024 09:54

Rather than agonising over it winding yourself up with public speculation, I 'd be inclined to message her direct and say you've been seeing him for x months and are his girlfriend.

That you didn't know he was on holiday with her - until now. And it's come as a shock.

Ask her clearly, 'are you his wife/partner/girlfriend? If so, I'm sorry, I had no idea he was in a relationship, that he has been cheating on you, and I will dump him.

If not, can you understand why as his girlfriend I'm feeling angry, upset and confused right now?'

See what she says.

Madrigal12 · 10/08/2024 11:05

He's playing you (possibly others too) - you're the backup while he pumps the other lass - get out, get tested.

pollymere · 10/08/2024 12:58

My DH doesn't post pics of me on social media 😂. However I can easily imagine if he'd been out with a friend he might get tagged.

The bigger issue here is not meeting his friends and family. Unless he's non-contact with his family you really ought to meet them soonest.

Otherwise it's about trust. I trust DH to not have another woman and also that he's happy seeing his family without me (which I'm happy about!)