Break down on motorway.

[SquatWeightaMinute]

AIBU to be annoyed with DH or am I sensitive due to stressful situation.

I had car trouble a few weeks ago and broke down. RAC attended and said it was fine to drive, cleared the code and off we went. Car drove fine afterwards.

Today I broke down on the motorway with teen DS & DD with me.

I emailed DH to tell him and he didn’t even ask if we were ok. We were literally stood at the side of the motorway and all he said was - oh really, same fault as last time?

Not an ounce of concern.

How people deal with a crisis is very telling imo.

I’m not sure if you are referring to me or DH there?

I dealt with it ok, got us off the motorway into an emergency lay-by and got the RAC to recover us. I wasn’t hysterical or anything but a quick, oh are you all ok? Would have been nice.

Well an email doesn't exactly scream urgency to me so he probably thought everything was in hand? 🤷🏻‍♀️

You got it sorted, so it’s done now. . Not much your DH could have done.🙂

Meh, we are all different, of course, but it wouldnt occur to me to be asked if I am ok in that circumstance. It makes sense to ask about the car imo. If it is important to you, tell him.

He can’t use his phone in work so email is the only way I can contact him while he’s in work.

You emailed him? To be honest I can understand his meh response a little bit - people don’t generally email their spouse's if there’s something for them to be worried about! If you’d called him while it was happening and he’d said that I’d be more annoyed.

Is email the usual way you communicate with DH if you are out and about?

If you actually needed help or him to do something I would have expected a phone call to let him know, or at least a text/WhatsApp.

I'd say he was confident that you had it all in hand and would let him know if you needed anything. You sound like you were fine and just getting on with it, so he would assume you were ok. If you weren't ok, you would have told him?

it is lacking in empathy. Is this how he always has been - or is it uncharacteristic of him to behave like that?

He probably assumed you'd have called if you weren't okay, that's what I'd expect in an emergency if I wasn't allowed to take calls at work.
There isn't much he could have done, you were off the carriageway, waiting for recovery. It's all you can do, really.

I’m not sure what he could’ve done - you rang your experts and they came out.

He was at work and not an emergency was it? Nobody was hurt.

I'd have asked my dh if he was ok, doesn't matter how it was communicated surely to ask someone you love if they're ok is normal. I swear Mumsnet is littered with devoid humans sometimes.

Your dh was a bit thoughtless perhaps op, I'd not really give it too much thought unless it's part of a wider issue of feeling generally uncared for.

Seems I am being a bit sensitive then.

I can’t call him at work, we can only communicate via email. He doesn’t have access to his phone.

I managed fine so I guess you are all right. It was just a bit nerve wracking, I have only broken down twice and this was my first time breaking down on the motorway.

What if there was an actual emergency? Surely you can get hold of him another way? Like if you're in a car accident and the police offer to call your next of kin, you'd tell them to email him???

It is a bit scary to break down, especially on a motorway with DC but my H would have probably responded the same. If I needed him he would have dropped everything and come but he knows that I can cope with most things and rarely need his help. There is nothing your H could have done and in the circumstances you describe I probably wouldn't have even told my DH about it

I would have presumed that you would have mentioned it in the email if one of you were not ok

Well he obviously thought you had things under control and were fine if you could email. Sure a bit more empathy would have been nice.

I would get them to phone my brother or teenager. I presume there is a phone number for emergencies but I have never phoned him at work. They don’t have phones and that’s that really. Maybe worth asking though incase.

YANBU, we've broken down on the motorway and it was bloody scary. Not to mention any breakdown is a complete pain in the arse.

I would have expected more concern and empathy, and would have received it from DH.

Depends. Any message I sent DH would firstly state that everyone was okay so he wouldn’t need to ask.
So, yeah, his response would have been along the line of “fucking annoying!”.

I would definitely be concerned if it was the other way round, not because I think he is incapable of handling it, but because it’s scary and a right pain.

Definitely seems I am in the minority here though.

Sorry to be clear I meant him. My dh knows I am extremely competent but motorway and dc in a broken down car is dangerous... He would and has in the past' saved' me many times.... Shows regard for your safety and wellbeing surely basic in a decent relationship?

How old is DD?

If they're old enough to follow instructions I probably wouldn't bother to ask how you were

Both teens so definitely able to follow instructions.

OP - if the situation is where you can email DH to tell him then it isn't that pressing. He'd have known if it was anything really bad you'd have called or found a way to call his work.

It's an annoyance breaking down but that's about it, think you are being a bit sensitive or it's perhaps other issues creeping through but this incident on its own is not enough to feel this way.