Break down on motorway.

[SquatWeightaMinute]

AIBU to be annoyed with DH or am I sensitive due to stressful situation.

I had car trouble a few weeks ago and broke down. RAC attended and said it was fine to drive, cleared the code and off we went. Car drove fine afterwards.

Today I broke down on the motorway with teen DS & DD with me.

I emailed DH to tell him and he didn’t even ask if we were ok. We were literally stood at the side of the motorway and all he said was - oh really, same fault as last time?

Not an ounce of concern.

I accept I am being sensitive. I emailed him from the side of the motorway and he didn’t even reply until 4 hours later so I guess that’s annoyed me to start with, I hate the fact he’s not contactable at work anyway so that hasn’t helped matters.

I will give my head a wobble. It’s a me problem 😊

DH would likely have said the same but he knows I'm capable of dealing with it and the car must be toast for us to be on the motorway as I would drive it lit up like a Christmas tree to the next exit vs stop.

I think the content of your email is an important part of this. There's a difference between "shit just broke down on the motorway" and "shit just broke down on the motorway and I'm terrified"

You messaged him so he knew you were all safe though and I think it's hard to imagine actually being on the side of a motorway unless you've been there

I can't imagine caring that little about my family being in a dangerous situation that I wouldn't check in everyone was ok. It's stressful too and inconvenient to break down, again I can't imagine checking in that everyone was ok.
I would ask anyone in my family if they were ok if that happened and my family would ask me too.
I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope you're all ok and home again now.

I suppose the only thing he could have done, had he chosen to, was support her. 😊

I couldn’t drive it, it lost all power, we were lucky to manage to get to the emergency lay-by.

Thanks, we are indeed home safe, we were recovered home as luckily weren’t too far away. The guy from the RAC was absolutely lovely, couldn’t have been more reassuring.

Do not be wasting time typing emails - be aware and watch the traffic at all times. Phone calls yes but be aware. For anyone reading this also get out of the car and climb up the banking or whatever away from the vehicle (obviously not the opposite side of motorway). Broken down vehicles often get hit by rubberneckers!

I will take that onboard. We did get out and over the safety barrier so that’s something.

Well if she was emailing it was hardly a dangerous situation was it - they were just sat in the hard shoulder waiting for a tow truck. Tedious but not dangerous.

Maybe I had too many shit cars in my youth to be completely nonchalant about breaking down. I've broken down on motorways, city centres, remote country roads, all times of day and night, on my own, with others and with just a small baby for company. It's boring above all else.

I think you need a way of contacting him at work in an emergency - that's the real issue here.

If my DH e-mailed me to say he had broken down I'm not sure I'd panic either, I'd assume he was a capable adult who had it all in hand. However, if he rang me I'd assume it was more urgent and would make sure he was okay/see if he needed anything.

Did you get the car looked at by the garage after the first break down? I wouldn't be taking my kids on the motorway without having had it checked first.

Yes, I had a part replaced but this fault is related to the orginal part but not the same part.

What was his reaction he saw you afterwards? I can imagine my DH forgetting to ask if I was ok if he was in midst of being busy at work, but if he saw the situation had distressed me he'd be concerned and looking at getting the car fixed or replaced. I would feel a little bit upset he didn't think to ask/call me to check at the time though.

Stressful situation? Good grief. Cars break down all the time. It’s part of life.

What exactly was your husband supposed to do? He was at work, doing a job where he can’t even take a phone call. I wouldn’t have said anything to my husband until he came home as it was a non-event. Car broke down. It was repaired. You got home. All before he even finished work. So what?

What a cold reaction! It is dangerous and could be fatal to break down on a motorway, absolutely terrifying! I understand the OP’s fear. Her husband could have shown some concern and empathy

You are not being sensitive, but some on here are being callous and unfeeling. Breaking down on the motorway is something to be feared, and most people’s nightmare. There have been some horrific deaths from this sort of situation. Sounds as if you handled it well, and I’m glad you are all ok. Some men are very matter of fact, but he should have been more empathetic and supportive.

Can't believe the comments here.

I don't know what your H does for work, but mine would have offered to leave work and come to help me.

I'm trying to think what kind of job doesn't permit phones but he can access emails- call centre? Most people at work aren't always staring at a screen to access emails.

When DH and I were dating, I broke down and called the AA. I was on my way to see DH (who lived 100 miles away.) I was roughly half way there and he offered to come and meet me and help.

IMO this is what a caring person would do or at least check in afterwards to see if you were okay.

@SquatWeightaMinute You need to talk seriously to your DH about no phone contact at work. Surely there is some way he can be contacted ?

No, you're not.

Posters here are giving you a kicking and set the bar very low in their own lives it appears.

What work does your H do?
Are phones banned?

Over the years I've called my H at work and even in an important meeting he'd make his excuses and pop out for 5 mins to call me if I said it was urgent.

Unless yours is a surgeon or doing some life-death work, why can't he access a phone for 4 hours?

Good grief.

The empathy gene gave you a swerve.

@MummyLongLegsss he is in a secure facility they can’t take their phones in with them, they must be left in the car. I am sure I could phone the facility if there was an emergency and get a message to him or something, I’m not sure, I would just get assistance from someone else though I assume.

I’m assuming from this that you’ve never broken down on a motorway.

yes cars breakdown all the time but unless you’ve experienced it happening on the motorway then you really don’t know what you’re talking about.

Loosing power when everything around you is going 60/70mph or more Is actually very scary and on a “smart” motorway with no lay-by which it sounds like OP was on (but able to get to an emergency area) then it can be deadly. Unless you’re lucky to have it happen when there is next to no traffic.

OP I’d hope that your DH just hadn’t fully taken in the details but yes I’d be pretty annoyed if when it happened to me, my DH was as equally uncaring.

OP I have a habit of sounding calm and chilled about things like this, because I don’t want to worry the person in the situation. In your DH’s situation, I wouldn’t have wanted to say “Oh shit, how awful, are you OK?” because you might have thought “I must be in danger if DH is worried about me”.

I know this isn't directly about the breakdown BUT do you need to re-think this contact?

If you were rushed to hospital, or any of your children were, AND YOU COULDN'T PHONE HIS 'FACILITY' but he needed to be with you very quickly, there must be ways someone could get hold of him?

I am wracking my brains about what his workplace could be .

But whatever it is, people in your family need to have a phone number in case of an emergency.

He works in a prison.

if it was an emergency I could phone the switch board and ask them to contact me. We will have to have a conversation and I will get the number.