To back out of being godmother?

[Welshey]

Hi all,

Please tell me if AIBU here.

My best friend since childhood asked me to be godmother to her child in 2020. I gladly accepted and expected one of her other long term friends to also be godmother. The christening kept getting pushed back due to Covid and other life circumstances. She finally announced the christening will be this summer.

She recently let me know she has asked four other women to be godmother alongside me. Three of the women are quite new friends. The other is the friend we’ve both known for about 10 years. There are two, possibly three, godfathers.

My friend is saying she just couldn’t make up her mind/didn’t want to let the other friends down.

Am AIBU to step back and say I’ve changed my mind? I feel being a godparent is meant to be a bit special and having so many godparents dilutes it to the point of meaningless.

Or am I being too egocentric/making it all about me? I have to admit I do also find it a bit hurtful given how long we’ve known each other and how much we have supported one another over the years. I also consider myself very close to her child.

Thank you!

This. ^ The vast majority of Christenings I have ever been to/known of, there have been 2 or 3 Godparents. Only known 4 twice. And no more than that. I'm not saying the 6-8 Godparents posters are lying/making it up, I have just never known it.

My next door neighbour/friend was at a friend's Christening last Sunday, and there were 3 Godparents. Ditto, the last 3 Christenings that DH and I went to had 3 too. Went to one in 2018 that had 2. DH and I had 2 each for our 2 DC in the 1990s. Every extended family member of ours has had 2 or 3, except one cousin who had 4.

Never ever have I known 6 to 8 Godparents. It's far from a 'normal' amount!

Also @Welshey Are you and the parents of the child aware that ALL Godparents MUST be baptised themselves? I am also fairly sure that The Catholic Church allows a maximum of 4 Godparents.

Also, yeah you can back out if you feel affronted at being one of many. But you say you are close to the child, so it does seem somewhat petty and mean-spirited to back out now.

The usual number used to be 3

2 being the same sex as the child.

But then it didn't use to be for the Insta

Just offer to wait and be a godparent to the unborn baby instead?

Is it? I've never seen more than 3.

I think if you back out it'll ruin the friendship.

I’m glad I’m atheist when I read this nonsense.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 not EVERYTHING is for social media!!

I'm one of 4 godparents to my first goddaughter, and one of 7 godparents to my second goddaughter (different families).

I'm not religious nor christened myself so tbh I'm not sure how I was "allowed" to be. The parents of my GD's aren't religious either. It's basically just a day out that includes a bit in a church. I have a daughter who won't be christened and obviously doesn't have godparents.

I also had 8 bridesmaids (6 adults 2 child) at my wedding to the shock and horror of many on here 😂 some of us just have many close friends/family and don't want to cause any upset!

🙄 What a supremely ludicrous and unhelpful comment.

I've never seen six or eight godparents, I wouldn't say that's normal at all.

RC will only have 2 godparents on the baptism certificate.

Choosing godparents on the basis of worrying about friends feeling 'let down' is ridiculous and yes it dilutes all meaning.

OP you say you're really close to her child, so I'd step back from being a godparent and frame it to your friend that you know she is worried about upsetting the other friends, you don't need the official title and she doesn't need to worry about upsetting you, you'll always be there for her child and you don't need the public acknowledgement.

Church of England?

A child should have at least three godparents. Two of the same sex and at least one of the opposite sex of the child.
Although there is no official maximum number of godparents a number of three or four is usual.
If you want more you need to talk to the vicar.

Tbh if more than four I would step down.

I’ve got 4 myself, some how I have my eldest 3, my middle one 6 and the youngest 4. I was in such a daze of exhaustion that we pretty much mucked the whole thing up. I wouldn’t overthink it. Just be happy to be included and don’t worry about it. If you forget a birthday it doesn’t matter if you are one of 6 godparents.

Actually my eldest has 5 but one of them totally forgot about it from the start. I do think the more the merrier.

This isn't true. My son was baptised CofE six months ago and our vicar said there must be two, but any number was allowed. He said there was no requirement for sex of godparent at all.

Why is she having the child christened?
I assume it's not solely a religious thing otherwise she would have gone ahead with the christening back in 2020. I presume it's for the social joys of having an event?
If it's not for religious reasons then I wouldn't worry because you won't actually play an active role in imparting the teachings of the church. The role is often just a status thing.

I had DS baptised when he was born and, while I don't regret it, I wouldn't do it again if I had another.

6 godparents? Is she a royal or something?

@LiterallyOnFire I've never heard of more than four, and growing up (I was born in the 1960s) two was the norm. Or none as I only know two families that have actually baptised their kids.
OP what does she mean she 'didn't want to let people down'? Like jeez it's not that big a deal. If she's thinking all those lovely extra birthday and Christmas presents she's in for a shock. Most will forget about it by the third birthday (or sixth as the child is already past that).
If she's expecting a second can't she divide her friends between the two kids?

Now that I think about it, my church (catholic) don't allow more than 2, and specify they must be one male and one female on their booking form.

Yes, there is. Do some research on CoEf pages and you will find then. A vicar can adjust to the family's needs if needed.

Back out if you want to. Your friend is ridiculous having all these godparents. Let them get on with it.

Just go with the flow.

Backing out would be a bit of a slap in the face to the mother as she chose you ages ago and you said yes.

Godparenting is meaningless to most people, it's just a thing to do before the party. If she wants to have 100 godparents she can. A bit like a dozen bridesmaids.