To back out of being godmother?

[Welshey]

Hi all,

Please tell me if AIBU here.

My best friend since childhood asked me to be godmother to her child in 2020. I gladly accepted and expected one of her other long term friends to also be godmother. The christening kept getting pushed back due to Covid and other life circumstances. She finally announced the christening will be this summer.

She recently let me know she has asked four other women to be godmother alongside me. Three of the women are quite new friends. The other is the friend we’ve both known for about 10 years. There are two, possibly three, godfathers.

My friend is saying she just couldn’t make up her mind/didn’t want to let the other friends down.

Am AIBU to step back and say I’ve changed my mind? I feel being a godparent is meant to be a bit special and having so many godparents dilutes it to the point of meaningless.

Or am I being too egocentric/making it all about me? I have to admit I do also find it a bit hurtful given how long we’ve known each other and how much we have supported one another over the years. I also consider myself very close to her child.

Thank you!

Are you sure you're not thinking of pizza slices?

Where is 6 or 8 godparents normal? I've been to a lot of christenings and I went to one where there were 4 but that was unusual and the majority I've been to have only had 2.

I wouldn't call 8 "normal". I'd call 6 normal. I'd call 4 normal.

Maybe we are way out of the ordinary.

I'm a Protestant in the UK- but not Anglian.

The tradition in the Church of England is 3 - 2 godparents the same sex as the DC, 1 godparent of the opposite sex but there is no limit.

Maybe she has a point. My DCs’ godparents have all left the country except for 1! 😂

Are you sure you're not thinking of pizza slices?

I'm starting to worry I've been hallucinating in church.

I've definitely seen six many times though. Maybe we're wacky. I never really thought about it.

My DC weren't baptised as infants (agreement with their dad).

Never heard of more than two.
OP, I would place the value on it that she does, which sounds like little.
If you want to pull out do but it may damage the relationship but I think she has done that herself.
I would be pulling back a small bit.
Do not get over invested, you are one of a crowd.

I think it sounds like lots of guaranteed gifts..sorry.

I was always told it was 2 godparents of the same sex and 1 of the opposite. No clue why!

My children have 2 godparents- end of

Oh, I meant to say, I'd step back as politely as I possibly could.

This is kind of the point, not sure about the "immoral" point but all these Catholic ceremonies are for a reason & for those inclined they're important, or at least they should be if you're going down this route, I'd feel a massive hypocrite standing up there decrying Satan with a candle when I don't believe in any of that
Will I be in your childs life? yes! but spiritual guidance? So for that reason I couldn't with a straight face take part

Three is the norm. 2 the same sex as the child and one the opposite. Four definitely usual. Six or eight is unusual

Never heard of six God parents and the colossal cynic me suggests it's more about showboating by the parents at the christening and lots of presents for said child. I have turned down being a godparent for a friends kid simply because I am a godparent already to my neice and nephew already. I take the role seriously and properly engage with the children and simply don't have the bandwidth to do that with another child. They were a bit miffed at first but when I articulated why they were a bit more understanding.

6 is far more than I've seen ever seen bar the royal family.
Is she married? Only asking because this sounds like she's choosing bridesmaids not godparents. Seems to be a thing now to have Instagram perfect christenings almost as fancy as weddings. A relative had hugely elaborate expensive christenings for 2 children and yet when you ask her when's the wedding, her having been engaged since just before birth of eldest, the answer is it's too much money. I have refrained from pointing out to simple church or registry office wedding and my assumption is that appearances matter more than the actual rite, be it baptism or marriage.
I wonder if your friend thinks she'll never get married, or maybe did a long time ago, and this is her version of it. Thus she's choosing her bridesmaid selection, not really godparent.

Never heard of more than 2, but in recent years they have become of any sex, not necessarily one male and one female. I personally think it's a mad but I also think having 6 or 7 bridesmaids is mad and that's popular with some.

Pull out if you want but I personally wouldn't. It's still nice to be chosen.

Three of the women are quite new friends
This I really couldn't get annoyed about. Some of the best friends I have are "new" friends! Just because I didn't have the privilege of meeting them earlier in life doesn't mean they aren't as special to me.

Do you know what @TheCadoganArms it's the same in the schools I've taught in, communion, confirmation, it's nothing to do with the rites or whatever they're called, it's the "DAY" the outfits, the bouncy castle, the party, the balloons, the money... no one gives a rats arse about the ceremony or what it means going forward, we're trying to seperate it from the schools & push it back onto the parents, the amount of class time wasted from Feb to May yearly to this is beyond a joke, we've even stopped the photographer coming in the monday after for photos, it's past tme it was a family decision & celebration rather than a school event

If parents are genuinely into this then do the prep yourselves in mass with the priest & enjoy your day

I'm not religious but it rankles

Definitely used to be usually one of each, i think, but times have changed and everything is done in excess nowadays!

We had 6 for DD1 and 5 for DD2....I'm glad we did as DD1 only has 4 she sees now so it gave us some choice if some didn't step up/weren't in our lives anymore.

I do get what you mean about it not being as special the more there are, but I still think it's an honour to be asked, and not a reason to pull out.

If they know alot of people that's still a very small proportion of their friends and relatives asked to be godparents.

You don’t even say if you’re a Christian. An actual Christian, not someone who vaguely doesn’t like the idea that there’s nothing.
Can you actual deliver on the promises you’d make in the church?
Does the mother care (answer: no)
If her religion was important to her, she wouldn’t have waited four years!!!
The way people treat baptisms in this country is really weird compared to the rites of other religions!

It's really not 'pretty normal'!

I know the queen had lots of god parents for her children.

Everyone else I know just has two. Godmother and Godfather.

Every day is a school day. Most people I know only has one godparent, usually a godmother. Church of Scotland keep it nice and simple!

Is it possible for godparents to be the same for siblings? Who is she going to ask for baby two when they arrive, it sounds like she's asked everyone potential already!

I have two goddaughter’s who are sisters, I’m one of 3 different godmothers for each and each has 3 different godfathers.

I’m 1 of 4 godmothers and 3 godfathers to my godson (different family)

It’s really not u usual and in no way makes it less special.

I thought godparents was 2 of same
Sex ansd one of other

So me I have 2 aunts as mine and an uncle

My brother has 2 men and one woman

So 3 in all each

If the child is 4, do you already have a special "godparent" relationship with them? If so, I wouldn't back out because IMO, it's not fair on the child. If there's no special relationship then I would consider whether this is worth ending the friendship over?

I would be tempted to ask if she has considered who she would ask for her new baby?

100% this. It's nowhere near normal to have 6 to 8 Godparents for a child's Christening.

100% this. It's nowhere near normal to have 6 to 8 Godparents for a child's Christening.