To think that too many parents don't equip there older teens for adult life.

[RedHillSunsets]

DD is awaiting her A-level results and should start uni in September. Some of her friends have already been in uni for a year. I left home at 18 to train as a nurse (pre uni courses) and had been taught to cook, budget and sort things out for myself in readiness for entering the adult world.
I have tried to ensure that DD is also prepared. She can drive, cook, and budget and has a current account, savings account, and LISA. She has had a part-time job since she was 15 and plans to continue working through uni as the job is in a field related to her degree. We discuss things like mortgages, income tax, NI, loans, credit cards, bills, and insurance as I think financial education is so important.
It shocks me how little financial awareness and basic life skills many of her peers have.

Did your parents teach you the life skills you needed and will you pass them on to your children?

Perfectly happy to do me. I’m not the one starting this thread or declaring 18 year olds need to be kept at home and taught how to adult before being allowed to be unleashed on the world.

I don't think a couple of posters on here understand the different type of gap years that young people take. I know several people who took a couple of gap years to work to save money to be able to afford to go to university. They didn't travel or "lounge on Kho Samui on a round the world ticket paid for by bank of mum and dad" they worked solidly and banked the money.

But there's non so deaf who will not hear

Gap years are not necessarily a year financed by bank of mum and dad while they swan off travelling the world (although of course many do). Some work in supermarkets etc or, like my son, take a year off through some bad health. He’s now well enough to go to Uni this year but never would have been last year. I do refer to it as his gap year but it was more of a get well year.

Mine were making their own packed lunches from 8, cooking for the family once a week from 13 and doing their own laundry from 16. They both had weekend jobs in the VI form. I think everyone should work in the service industry at some point in their life to understand how to give good service and how to be a good customer. I worked in banking for many years so I helped teach them how to budget. They completed their applications for university, accommodation and student loans etc without any assistance from me and DH because we knew they were capable. Too many parents take over and don’t let their children do anything,

Be careful. You will be accused of mollycoddling your son.

I hope he enjoys university. Good luck to him.

The one and only time I asked my step dad about family finances out of natural curiosity, I was told these words "mind your own business".

So in a word, no.

Never owned a house, everything I did after leaving home was a huge struggle and a hard learning curve. I still have massive gaps in my knowledge at age 47.

I have a 20 year old and I've been accused of "over explaining". This is to make up for how little I was taught.

By contrast, I've included my children to the point they acted like they knew it all and I was an idiot.

I don't understand how teens wouldn't want to know about independant living. It was a matter of pride for me to be independent and learn how to live.

Yes I could do all those things by the time I was 18 and left home. I regularly cooked and did chores etc through my teens.

My dad was doing all cooking, cleaning and caring for his younger sibling from age 8 as his mum was out working all the time.

He certainly never expected that of us, but he was also a single working parent and made sure we could do all the main things by the time we were teens.

my kids are only 5 and 9 but I already show them how to do things and they like helping me to cook dinner etc.

when I went into halls it was absolutely shocking to me how many could cook a basic meal, or use a washing machine, or couldn’t budget and were broke within a month.

I hope you’ve taught her to use the right words for things (there / their)

You strike me as someone who can’t see further than your own situation. I find your post quite irritating. You presumably realise that there is quite a spectrum of people between your two children? Like my ds who can almost function like a NT person, but needs help and support - which will include buying pre made sandwiches?

Since your post is so self congratulatory, I’ll point out the “there” vs “their” error in your title. I almost never point out spag errors as it’s usually arsehole-ish.

I sat on my hands re the SPAG too. It’s quite an important life skill.

Yes, my parents taught me life skills and dh and I taught our children. Before they left home our children knew how to drive, do basic house, garden and car maintenance, handle money and create a budget, how the stock market works and the best ways to invest, how to be street smart, how to defend themselves with martial arts, and since we're in the US, how to safely handle firearms and hit what they aim at. When they moved out they got a basic set of tools as a parting gift and a wealth of knowledge about how to handle themselves in the adult world, because that was our responsibility as parents.

I’m not sure that knowing how to use the washing machine in your own home enables you to use the random industrial machine in your halls of residence. Surely it’s a question of reading the instructions relating to the specific appliance you’re using?

Well done you, op. I think most parents try their best.

So should none of us bother teaching our children how to do laundry just in case they are going to use a different machine?

Has she also learnt how not to close gaps for men who could just learn to do things themselves?

I think there are lots of children who aren't taught independence skills. I'm a single parent so perhaps that has influenced my children being more independent as they tend to pitch in more than their friends. Both have been able to make their own cereal/ toast/ porridge since they were 5/6 (and wanted to have that independence) and their own sandwiches from a similar age. At 9 they learnt how to safely make hot drinks and now at 13 my eldest is able to put on a wash, cook pasta, make a homemade pasta sauce, cook himself a simple dinner in the airfryer/ on the hob and recently learnt how to change a light bulb and reset the fuse box when his light bulb blew and tripped everything.

He has his own current and savings account and will regularly buy things online. He has successfully managed to raise a dispute with the bank when a company charged him twice in error.

He is naturally very sensible and level headed so it's been really easy- I think his brother may be more of a challenge!

My kids did (do) help with shopping but it’s all put in rucksacks now and under a ten minute walk home. Most of my shops are deliveries so it’s only top ups in between. I still have vivid memories of all us kids carrying bags home every Friday (dad’s payday) and it was quite a trek, no car.

I was not taught adulting skills by my parents - my Dad’s income was not constant, he was self employed - so money available was always at the mercy of him being paid for a big job. Mum did not discuss money either - we had a full time housekeeper who did all the housework, laundry and ironing. I could cook - I was interested in that. My finances at Uni reflected the hectic nature of finances at home - never knew when I was getting a cheque - I lived in my overdraft.
So I made sure my kids could cook, look after their money etc. For a while we thought ds would not be mature enough for uni at 18 and would need a gap year to grow up - but he seemed to mature over night in year 13. Despite knowing the how they still didn’t plan their finances and they didn’t cook much - they still needed to learn it all for themselves and it all worked out just fine.

I don't think it's about specific things - sure anyone can work out a washing machine even if they haven't used one before - it's more about gradually encouraging your children to take responsibility for themselves. So you don't end up posting about whether or not to label things you're packing for your adult child to take to university.

I despise the Mumsnet mantra "oh only on Mumsnet are 18 year olds considered adults" - they are considered adults because they bloody are adults. If you have babied them so they are totally childlike still, that's on you

I’m amazed ‘drive’ is so popular on here as a response.

I wasn't taught anything - my mum couldn't cook and still can't! I had no idea how to use a washing machine, budget or use public transport (we lived rurally and there wasn't any).

I left home at 18 and managed to figure it all out through necessity. And didn't go into my overdraft! I'll be making sure my teen is better equipped than I was but don't feel the need to burden her with being an adult before her time.

I'm glad people are amused at my spelling. I try hard but my dyslexia does get the better of me at times, I do apologise.

We didn’t have industrial machines - just 2 normal domestic ones. They literally had no idea what kind of wash they wanted / needed to use, or temperatures or what detergent etc. completely clueless about the entire process.

I’d never used that model machine but it was the same General idea so I was able to pick it up immediately.

no instructions, no internet , but common sense and understanding the generic symbols was required.

I knew I would be accused of being smug

Didn’t stop you though did it? 😂

@RedHillSunsets everytime pull you up with reasonable points you add more additional information and dramatic statements. You “knew people would call you smug” because you are being smug😂
The vast majority of parents are doing their absolute best , you aren’t any better or worse than most , your daughter isn’t any better or worse than her peers on the whole. I’m sure her boyfriends parents did a good job of bringing him up , your daughter clearly thinks so!! I’ve worked with young adults for a long time and I’ve only met a handful of not great parents , most are doing their absolute best and most young adults get their in the end and stand well on their own two feet.