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Original poster

What DH has moaned at me for this week

103 replies

Broken88 · 02/08/2024 20:32

Dh and I haven't been in a great place for ages. I feel like everything I do annoys him and he moans about everything and then all of a sudden will have a massive blow up, which was yesterday and we've not spoken since.

This week's tellings off that caused an argument consist of:

  • we brought a new water filter and I went to take the top off by pulling at the side. Apparently hat makes me thick because I didn't realise there was an indent which was a handle
-our food shop was delivered and I was rushing between an online exam I had to sit and another call so didn't realise that an item was wrong and just put it in the fridge. Dh came home and went to cook dinner and realised and went mental.

-DH has started a new job (5 weeks in) has come off shifts so now works permanent earlies. I've tried to support him as much as I can even though the change of shift pattern directly affects me and my job. Because I had logged off slightly early yesterday and he theb came home after being at thr gym and cooked dinner, apparently I should have cooked dinner for him

---should point out that he is the main cook, even when he was on shifts he would cook so this isn't unusual and I normally finish later it was only because I had started a bit early that I decided after a rough day to finish early
-all of the above resulted in him calling me a f'ing thick c* and telling me that the stupid things I do (like the water filter) will endanger our children.

However he's so worried about me endangering our children he is perfectly happy to book a holiday with his mates for 6 nights to go on a lads holiday 6 hours away in a few weeks.

For context we have 2 children (9 & 4)

OP posts:
Kdubs1981 · 02/08/2024 21:57

Just divorce him.

GingerPirate · 02/08/2024 21:59

He's a bully.
What a way to live.
Get rid, anyhow. (Within the law).
You and your kids will be so much better off.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 02/08/2024 22:03

I tell you now, if my dh called me the c word, that would be it.

bigdecisionstomake · 02/08/2024 22:07

So many red flags OP, too many to count 🚩

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 02/08/2024 22:15

If I walk into the kitchen and forget to ask everyone if they want a drink, or ask the children and forget him then I'm selfish. However he can go and get what he wants and not ask me and I just have to accept that and get my own

Are you serious?

He's abusive. As fuck. You have to get him out.

BuggeryBumFlaps · 02/08/2024 22:16

If my dh called me a think cunt my next conversation would be with a solicitor about a divorce.

He sounds awful and as though he has no respect or love, that he actually dislikes, maybe even hates you!

Noseybookworm · 02/08/2024 22:17

I would not put up with anyone calling me a f*king thick cnt, not anyone but especially not the person who is supposed to love and care for you. Please realise that this abuse is not normal. You don't have to live like this. Imagine a household with just you and your lovely children, no stress or abuse and no-one having a go at you for ridiculous things. Please don't put up with this nasty man any longer.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 02/08/2024 22:22

What is there about him which makes you want a relationship with him?

Sorren · 02/08/2024 22:26

The only thing in your control is whether you continue to accept it.

Flagz · 02/08/2024 22:26

My H has called me a stupid fucking cunt and stupid bitch before. I know everyone is saying that if their partner used those words, they'd be out of there straight away but it's not as simple as that. I do think he sounds like an abusive bully OP and I hope you find your way out. You absolutely do not deserve this. Just when people say "you'd be happier alone without him" it sounds like that gets him out your life but that's not the case when you have kids. He's still v much in your life except he can cause even more trouble!

Leeds2 · 02/08/2024 22:27

Neither of you seem happy. Use his tie away to pack his bags and get rid. You won't be missing much.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 02/08/2024 22:34

Could it be he’s having an affair and wants to be so vile to you that you’ll kick him out. He’ll be sooooooo upset, how could you treat him so cruelly, crying to all his family ……. Until he shacks up with OW a few weeks later.

Friendofdennis · 02/08/2024 22:40

He will probably do the dirty on you when he is away with his mates. He has no respect for you whatsoever.

kshaw · 02/08/2024 22:44

TeaGinandFags · 02/08/2024 21:53

Tell him that you've taken his comments on board and came to the only possible conclusion.

Obviously, he's too good for you.

You don't want to hold him back, so when he comes back from his lads' holiday the locks will be changed and his divorce will be in the post.

This

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 02/08/2024 22:48

f'ing thick c
This is the bit that jumps out at me. Never in 25 years has DH called me anything like that. It shows a huge amount of disrespect. Coupled with the other disrespectful things I think you have a DH problem.

Noseybookworm · 02/08/2024 22:49

Flagz · 02/08/2024 22:26

My H has called me a stupid fucking cunt and stupid bitch before. I know everyone is saying that if their partner used those words, they'd be out of there straight away but it's not as simple as that. I do think he sounds like an abusive bully OP and I hope you find your way out. You absolutely do not deserve this. Just when people say "you'd be happier alone without him" it sounds like that gets him out your life but that's not the case when you have kids. He's still v much in your life except he can cause even more trouble!

I don't think anyone's saying it's easy or that you will be able to get him out of your life completely. Obviously when you have children that's not the case. But having to share a home & a bed with someone who is abusive is worse than having to co-parent with them. And there is the opportunity to meet a partner who is kind and wants to make your life better instead of giving you abuse.

PuppyMonkey · 02/08/2024 22:52

I’m 30 years into my relationship with DP and we have our usual… squabbles. But if he ever, ever called me a thick cunt, he’d be out the door straight away. This is not normal couple interaction.

Flagz · 02/08/2024 22:57

@Noseybookworm that's true. Just that when a man is this nasty, he will make a truly obstructive, manipulative, unreliable co-parent. And then the kids get such a rough deal. A bloke being a dickhead husband is a reason FOR divorce but it's also the cause of the fear that stops you.

Nobody knows an abusive man better than his wife and knows how they'll react when you've done the ultimate "bad thing", not messing up the dinner or whatever....but leaving. If a man shouts at you for tiny stuff it's v hard to do the big thing and leave. That's all I'm saying. There is a lot of "I'd be out of there the next day" after being called a cunt, when in reality, the best advice is to plan because men like my H and OP's H...you need to be careful.

Cherrysoup · 02/08/2024 22:58

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2024 21:45

This man doesn’t like or respect you let alone love you. This relationship is dead and you need to leave.

Exactly my thoughts. Bloke doesn’t even like you. Name calling and insults your intelligence, thinks you should hang up a work call because your almighty, more important than God husband has decided to call, despite knowing you’re working? He’s an abusive piece of shit. What’s your plan, OP?

Petitchat · 02/08/2024 23:00

GoldenLegend · 02/08/2024 21:30

It sounds to me as though he feels inferior to you and wants to neg you down to his level.

I'd dump him.

He doesn't just "feel" inferior.
He IS inferior.

Please don't put up with this abuse OP

BellesAndGraces · 02/08/2024 23:00

He hates you @Broken88. Don’t continue to tether yourself to someone who hates you.

comedycentral · 02/08/2024 23:04

You don't make sense as a couple anymore. He's horrible and abusive, I'm guessing you are together for the kids? The damage in the long run will be awful to them though.

DeepRoseFish · 02/08/2024 23:04

He is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. If you didn't already know.

DeepRoseFish · 02/08/2024 23:05

Going to recommend an excellent book - Why does he do that.
Please read it.

sugarapplelane · 02/08/2024 23:08

And why are you still with him? Have you no self respect?

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