Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What DH has moaned at me for this week

103 replies

Broken88 · 02/08/2024 20:32

Dh and I haven't been in a great place for ages. I feel like everything I do annoys him and he moans about everything and then all of a sudden will have a massive blow up, which was yesterday and we've not spoken since.

This week's tellings off that caused an argument consist of:

  • we brought a new water filter and I went to take the top off by pulling at the side. Apparently hat makes me thick because I didn't realise there was an indent which was a handle
-our food shop was delivered and I was rushing between an online exam I had to sit and another call so didn't realise that an item was wrong and just put it in the fridge. Dh came home and went to cook dinner and realised and went mental.

-DH has started a new job (5 weeks in) has come off shifts so now works permanent earlies. I've tried to support him as much as I can even though the change of shift pattern directly affects me and my job. Because I had logged off slightly early yesterday and he theb came home after being at thr gym and cooked dinner, apparently I should have cooked dinner for him

---should point out that he is the main cook, even when he was on shifts he would cook so this isn't unusual and I normally finish later it was only because I had started a bit early that I decided after a rough day to finish early
-all of the above resulted in him calling me a f'ing thick c* and telling me that the stupid things I do (like the water filter) will endanger our children.

However he's so worried about me endangering our children he is perfectly happy to book a holiday with his mates for 6 nights to go on a lads holiday 6 hours away in a few weeks.

For context we have 2 children (9 & 4)

OP posts:
sonofrageandlove · 02/08/2024 21:12

Get rid OP why on earth do you put up with this

PashaMinaMio · 02/08/2024 21:13

Get out whilst you’re young enough.
In the end his bullying will break you.
It will wear you down so you don’t know who yoh are anymore.

In the end he will, when old and decrepit, expect you to wipe the dribble from his chin.
You wont be a “thick c**t” then, will you?

pecanpie101 · 02/08/2024 21:13

He doesn't respect you. Please leave, you don't deserve that.
I would never stay with someone who called me a c**t. What example are you giving your children?

FuglyBitch · 02/08/2024 21:16

I think you know what you should be doing

SquishyGloopyBum · 02/08/2024 21:26

Tell him to fuck off.

AutumnFroglets · 02/08/2024 21:27

he said I should have come off the call to speak to him as it was another example of me putting my job before him

He's abusing you. Read up about emotional /mental abuse and then decide what you actually want your life to look like next year. You can't do joint counselling with an abusive partner so that can be discounted which leaves you with living this life for the next ten, twenty years or you start making plans to leave. I advise the latter as you have two young children who will be soaking up his anger, resentment and disrespect aimed at their mother which will affect their adult relationships.

Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, and dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names. Other times it can be more subtle, like your partner acting jealous of your friends or not wanting you to hang out with someone of another gender. While these emotionally abusive behaviors do not leave physical marks, they do hurt, disempower, and traumatize the partner who is experiencing the abuse.

It’s difficult to feel sure of yourself when a partner is demeaning, dismissing, and second-guessing you constantly. Additionally, when you care about someone and have invested time in the relationship with them, you want to believe the best of them, and you may convince yourself that you were overreacting in how you interpreted their hurtful actions or words. An emotionally abusive partner may try to gaslight you by telling you outright that you are overreacting, being dramatic, being too emotional, or that you can’t take a joke.

Pigeonqueen · 02/08/2024 21:28

What on earth are you doing staying with him?! Your partner is supposed to love and respect you and treat you better than anyone else in your life. He clearly hates you. He’s a disgusting shitbag.

Scarydinosaurs · 02/08/2024 21:30

Imagine how quiet and wonderful your house will be when he leaves.

It will be glorious.

Now go and make a plan.

GoldenLegend · 02/08/2024 21:30

It sounds to me as though he feels inferior to you and wants to neg you down to his level.

I'd dump him.

Fannyfiggs · 02/08/2024 21:33

AutumnFroglets · 02/08/2024 21:27

he said I should have come off the call to speak to him as it was another example of me putting my job before him

He's abusing you. Read up about emotional /mental abuse and then decide what you actually want your life to look like next year. You can't do joint counselling with an abusive partner so that can be discounted which leaves you with living this life for the next ten, twenty years or you start making plans to leave. I advise the latter as you have two young children who will be soaking up his anger, resentment and disrespect aimed at their mother which will affect their adult relationships.

Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, and dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names. Other times it can be more subtle, like your partner acting jealous of your friends or not wanting you to hang out with someone of another gender. While these emotionally abusive behaviors do not leave physical marks, they do hurt, disempower, and traumatize the partner who is experiencing the abuse.

It’s difficult to feel sure of yourself when a partner is demeaning, dismissing, and second-guessing you constantly. Additionally, when you care about someone and have invested time in the relationship with them, you want to believe the best of them, and you may convince yourself that you were overreacting in how you interpreted their hurtful actions or words. An emotionally abusive partner may try to gaslight you by telling you outright that you are overreacting, being dramatic, being too emotional, or that you can’t take a joke.

Autumnfroglets has said everything you need to know OP

He's an abusive piece of shit, please tell us you are leaving him.

Stay strong 💪

Edenmum2 · 02/08/2024 21:37

I know different people have different boundaries but honestly I can't imagine staying in a house with a man that calls me a cunt in anger. Surely you know you deserve better?

MapleTreeValley · 02/08/2024 21:39

This is a lot worse than just "moaning at you" as your title says. This is awful.

HamSandwichKiller · 02/08/2024 21:41

I realise this isn't the worst of his behaviour but why on earth are you the only one who can make your family drinks?! You're ending up modelling a relationship where the female runs around after everyone and the male is just King or something. Gross.

PinkyPonkyLittleDonkey · 02/08/2024 21:43

Personally I’d go very quiet on him. No defending or talking back. Just keep going about your day and in your spare time, I’d be looking at my finances, making sure everything is organised and speaking with a good solicitor.

The marriage is past the point of no return.

mathanxiety · 02/08/2024 21:43

MorphandMindy · 02/08/2024 20:47

He called you a thick cunt?! 😧

How dare he. He wouldn't get to use that language to me twice.

Time to get your plans made. This isn't healthy for the DC.

This.

Sorry, OP, but I'd be figuring out the best way to end the relationship if I were you.

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2024 21:45

This man doesn’t like or respect you let alone love you. This relationship is dead and you need to leave.

itsmylife7 · 02/08/2024 21:47

Friendofdennis · 02/08/2024 21:04

He despises you

Exactly my thoughts too.

If you stay with him your mental health will decline.

Your children will also pick up on his nastiness towards you.

Ellie56 · 02/08/2024 21:47

This is not moaning. This is abuse and he is a disgusting piece of shit.

Don't put up with it. Use the time he is away to make plans to leave.

rainbowsparkle28 · 02/08/2024 21:48

He sounds like an abusive vile human being. You and your children deserve better. Use the time he is away to seek advice and sort out arrangements and end it. Do you really want to live like this forever?

SacreBleugh · 02/08/2024 21:50

I think you know what you need to do OP which is why you're talking about it here. It helps to get some validation. It's a horrible way to be treated and you know you deserve better. As soon as possible.

Angelsrose · 02/08/2024 21:51

Whether it's now or in a year, you will have to leave your DH. This man neither likes nor respects you and eventually you won't be able to tolerate it. Worst case scenario he'll turn violent from the vile language he uses towards you.

Lotsofsnacks · 02/08/2024 21:51

And his redeeming features are…?! He sounds awful!! He doesn’t respect you OP. You sound lovely, and you know you can do
much better than this prick. You probably spend your life walking on eggshells trying to stop him from having a go, and that’s no life. I would look to leave him, he’s not going up change. You only have one life, why waste it worrying about what your h is going to have a go at you for

TeaGinandFags · 02/08/2024 21:53

Tell him that you've taken his comments on board and came to the only possible conclusion.

Obviously, he's too good for you.

You don't want to hold him back, so when he comes back from his lads' holiday the locks will be changed and his divorce will be in the post.

ilovelamp82 · 02/08/2024 21:54

He hates you. Nothing good can possibly ever come from living with someone like this for you or your children. What would you say if your daughter told you her husband did these things? Get out. This is in no way salvageable. It may feel hard to do, but the sooner you're rid of this guy, the sooner you will go back to being your old self where you and your children don't have to walk on egg shells and your children get to see that people who treat us like muck on their shoe, don't get to live with us because all human beings deserve better.

ilovelamp82 · 02/08/2024 21:55

You have the perfect chance, to pack all his stuff up while he's away and change the locks.