To think holidays with teens/preteens are just rubbish

[ExtrovertedIntrovert1]

Paid a fortune because it's summer holidays.
UK holiday because they both weren't keen on the idea of abroad and it was too expensive anyway.
Everything is "boring".
Tried visiting towns looking round shops. Boring.
Theme parks? No, boring.
Beach? Pointless
Castles or things of historical interest (Ha, absolutely ridiculously boring)
Museums? Haha
Every time we attempt at outing it's just miserable faces then the oldest will eventually pipe up "can we go back to the caravan".... so we can just sit around, on phones, doodling, etc. Basically stuff they would be doing at home.

I know this is probably within the realms of normal, but it's so pointless and boring. Spent a fortune and time/effort researching things that might be fun to do but it's just a waste of time. I even ended up suggesting that I'll just holiday on my own next year but in reality that won't happen. Does anyone do that? I love holidays, beaches, visiting different places. It's depressing to think holidays won't be fun again until they're old enough to leave at home.

Pointless thread but just needed to vent.
Please don't reply if your preteens/teens just LOVE holidaying and you always have a tonne of fun. I don't want to hear it 😂

No advice OP but I did laugh at the comment that someone made about pissing about with stray cats!! My DD13 did precisely that in Greece recently.

Sorry OP, but your teens sound rude with an poor attitude. Of course they won't find every activity the height of excitement but they're plenty old enough not to fuss and whinge about it, and being negative about everything while suggesting nothing is just plain bad behaviour. If they were mine I'd be telling them straight I did not want to hear it. That we were going somewhere for however many hours, and back to the caravan after that, and either they suggested something or I would. They can't help their 'normal' teen disinterest, but they absolutely can learn not to drag other people down with it.

I am quite lucky with mine. My oldest likes same things as me, the youngest is possible adhd so I know I have to skip 99% of museums as she cannot deal with them which can be a pain but now I know I can plan around it.

I took them to NY last year and it was the biggest hit ever. I didn't have a single moan. They had reference points from tv / film etc so everything and anything was exciting, even just buying a slushy from 7-11 or going in Sephora / Barnes and noble.

My 18 year old LOVED New York. She went for the first time this summer - not with me - and it was a massive hit.

Yeah I trot off on my girls yearly long weekend away with great joy!

We had some terrible holidays - kids seem to remember them fondly though. It was a shock though as I loved my family holidays as a kid/teenager in this country 😆 and my parents still like a holiday now. So having a less than enthusiastic husband/children was hard to cope with!

One of the joys of my autistic tween is that she does exactly as she's told. She loves history, nature and also my company. Lol
Obviously, life is difficult in other areas and I have another child of a different mindset. However, if I keep to non stress situations with downtime my daughter is a joy. Compromise I guess is the key.

And I feel your pain OP, I've spent a few holidays in tears , upset that my children are so ungrateful.

After a few disasters, we asked our teens (15) what holiday they wanted - they chose a city holiday - touring between. So we agreed the destination and booked. They slept till 3pm every day - no interest in anything, ate at different times in the day, got grumpy with dh and I making coffee in the morning, honestly they were horrible and we told them going on holidays with them was no fun, we had spent thousands and we only had the misery to show for it - we said we'd be better off staying at home and spend the thousands on stuff we enjoyed because no one got any enjoyment from the last 3 holidays - we wanted different things - then covid hit and we haven't holidayed with them since - weekends away but not a fortnight - time for them to holiday with their friends.

We mostly camped (UK, France & Italy) when our kids were that age. So they'd make friends on the campsite, play sport, spend loads of time by the pool, surf, cycle, walk, etc.. have great memories of those holidays.

An insight from the other side. I vividly remember being 13 and on a driving tour around the SW USA with DP. The kind of thing I would love to do now - and actually was bought into doing then. I remember DP repeatedly questioning why I was reading in the back/not looking at the scenery/not engaging in various ways; obviously experiencing some of what PPs are now.

My memories though are: not being able to see much out of the small backseat windows; being fearful of the people and unfamiliarity of the places we would arrive in, worrying about managing my period with no control over the time table and not wanting to let them know; being hungry and not knowing when we could eat; very very very long periods of driving with no idea where we are or when it would end; no-one being interested in/talking to me.

So their unappreciative teen was a stressed, lonely, lost and bored me. If we'd been able to share each others perspectives, things that would have helped were making sure the main experience (driving in this case) was as good for the kids as the parents, giving me agency rather than being an entirely passive passenger (something to make sense of it like a map and a route I could understand or even involving me in planning it), recognising that a young kid without adult experience might be intimidated by unknowns, and anticipating and managing for physical needs, as well as knowing the need for social engagement beyond the family is a real driver for teens. This is all with the benefit of hindsight!

Camping with teens, and they were happy with that?
Let's do a teen swap for next year's holiday!

It’s definitely not just you OP.

We went canoeing on holiday once and the DDs were literally hitting each other with the paddles by the end of it. It was in a kind of valley so you could hear them shouting at each other echoing 😫

Then there was the time DD1 left her swimming costume at home so I had to buy another at a super expensive tourist shop and she wore it once. I think she was self-conscious about being in a swimming costume in public so I couldn’t really say anything.

We visited a castle and they sulked all the way around. Back at school, DD2 wrote a fantastic illustrated report about the castle and how interesting it was 🤨

One year it was as though every time they stepped out of the caravan, they were doing me a huge favour, even though this was a holiday we’d chosen together and agreed that there was stuff to do that everyone would like.

Last year we didn’t go on holiday at all because I just couldn’t face it. We’re not going this year either for a few reasons, they are 16 and 18 now and the thought that there may not be any more family holidays makes me want to cry, even though actually being on family holidays also made me want to cry.

One thing is certain, when the opportunity presents itself I’m going on holiday on my own. Even DP isn’t coming!

That's really interesting and I can totally understand your perspective
Plus, if you were an only child, that only adds to the intensity and alienation of such a trip!

We have a photo taken of our dd aged about 14 called “Venice face” which accurately portrays this period of child rearing. Nothing, nothing passed muster at that stage. Skiing - too cold, too tiring, too slushy, too hard. Beaches - too hot, too sandy, too wavy, too cold. Cities - too much walking, not enough seats, not vegan enough.
What worked was going on holiday with other families, vastly lowering any exp citation that we still entertained, going for shorter breaks and then having a few little breaks of our own and waiting for time to pass.
They are now early 20’s and we have just had a great holiday in Croatia, doing exactly what we want to do and they seem to be quite grateful. So it does pass but I agree, it’s so aggravating at the time.

I agree mine were a dream when they were younger - they've come out the other side now as young adults - but we had a few ropey teen years - those who don't are lucky. Smug friends who found their first one easy and then their second one more challenging always make me smile - it's not all about brilliant parenting.😂

After that essay, I also want to add that if we talk about any of these holidays the DDs have good memories of them, so they weren’t a waste of time. Maybe just a problem with expectations, both mine and theirs.

*NoraLuka• you made me laugh.

@pinkhousesarebest it makes me laugh too now, even though it wasn’t funny at the time!

🤔

I think it’s worth it if you even force them to a few things that they didn’t realise they’d actually be interested in. We agreed that they get to sit in hotel room sometimes on phone if they came to certain things. Saying that overall yes to your questions, overall mostly a waste (a waste with a million arguments and many ‘never again’s’😅)

OMG this is not what I want to hear! I'm on holiday with three smaller kids (1,4 and 7) and honestly, it's so hard going. The only thing keeping us sane is that it might get easier as they get older!

I think my teens would've just said they'd rather not go if my attitude had reflected yours and I wouldn't blame them. Holidays are not complusary - they are meant to be pleasurable for everyone - I think during the teenage years a break from family holidays might be the best bet for a lot of us but we persist in trying - spending 24/7 with people is hard at the best of times but for a lot of teens it's close to torture - enforced fun and consequences for expressing how you feel is not a healthy way to sort a problem - I don't my kids to be people pleasers - there's a balance of course.

We are heading to Scotland for a week tomorrow with DD15 & DSS17.
DD has already said it will be boring - she doesn't want to look at lots of castles again. So we've all sat down & looked at places to go. We have 2 dogs & I'm very happy to sit outside of places they aren't allowed in.
Our teens are not sporty so we didn't look for sporty activities. But are planning the Safari park, a jail museum & a birds of prey experience. There will be castles involved at some point though.
DSS is already huffing cos DD always gets the second double room & he gets the twin. She's 6'1 & has a double bed at home as she doesn't find a single comfortable. He is used to a single, but I do see his point that she always gets first pick. She has ASD so do we need to try & keep some things normalish for her.
I really hope they don't twist all hol, (hope the WiFi works well) as this could be our last family holiday, as I have cancer.
Fingers crossed.

I couldn’t really afford holidays until the DDs were about 10/11 but IME there is a window of a few years from about 8-11 when days out etc. are reliably fun for everyone. Then hopefully again once they’re young adults!

Are they on phones a lot at home?

I think yabu if you allow a lot of phone/screen time at home but expect them to rapidly develop other means of entertaining themselves on holiday.

We holidayed recently with 14 yo niece, she was fine, played happily with younger kids, enjoyed the beach, made a friend a similar age on a boat trip and then went off to buy ice cream with her. But her parents (my sibling & spouse) are quite restrictive about screen time at home as well, her phone has a lot of parental limits so can't access any social media except WhatsApp, and has a timer for daily usage so she can't be on it scrolling constantly if she wants it available to reply to texts from friends later on etc.