To think entertainers should not pick people out of the crowd

[Theoneandonlyone]

We’re on an all inclusive holiday and each night there has been entertainment. Every night the entertainer has picked someone from the crowd and mostly they’re up for it. 2 nights the person has said no and the entertainer has made them and encouraged the crowd to clap them until they get on stage.

This has caused my 10 year old daughter serious anxiety and she’s begged me to take her home during last nights magician. She has refused to go tonight. Can’t say I blame her. She’s terrified of being picked and I feel the same.

Surely in this day and age, an entertainer must understand the differences between introverts and extroverts.

its made me quite cross and I’m considering mentioning it to the hotel.

am I being unreasonable to think they should ask for a volunteer. Not select and bully on to the stage?

I completely agree with you. They should take the first 'no' and leave it at that. Your poor daughter.

Surely in this day and age, an entertainer must understand the differences between introverts and extroverts.

Are you offering to provide free online diversity training for the redcoat industry @Theoneandonlyone ? Love this!

Was it an adult picked, if so then they can still refuse...were they completely embarrassed?
I think you should explain to your daughter that it's ok to say no. And that you will back her. That some people like to be picked and are show offs and some don't...

Yes, not acceptable to refuse when someone says no. Why can't they ask for volunteers? I'm sure there are plenty of people who would want a turn. One of my DC is always desperate to be picked and the other would be horrified.

Well that's an ignorant answer. No means no. You're basically excusing bad behaviour because they haven't had official training.

"I had my purse stolen... surely in this day and age people should know the difference between right and wrong"
"Are you offering to provide free online ethics training for these people???" Love this!

Totally agree - I'd be fine but my DS lives in fear of being picked on at shows,shrinks in his seat. Panics if seated at end if a row. My DP must have a certain face, because he is picked out ALL the time. He'd rather not but is used to it now. I actually would mention it to the hotel.

How odd! Anywhere I’ve been like this, they ask the people who want to to put their hand up and they pick from them. There’s always loads that want to, it’s not like it’s a teacher asking for homework answers.

I feel the same as your daughter. Had to sit in the front of a Fringe show a few years back as the only seats left. I was cringing when the comedian picked on DH and started bantering with him. Never again!

That is what they do so that is why we chose to do other things on holidays, it is not a surprise but some kids love it would it is up to the parents to decide

Ignorant.... ha!

Yours is such a fatuous comparison. Don't dismiss my argument by introducing one which is so clearly specious@C1N1C

Let me break it down for you.

You can grow up in society knowing stealing is wrong. That is innate, and taught from pre-school. Everyone gets this information.

However you can be in an industry like the redcoat / entertainment one, and not understand the 'introvert/extrovert' spectrum.

So in your theft example, there is no excuse for not knowing.

In the entertainment example, there is a small excuse for not understanding.

Otherwise why does ANY industry in 2024 still have tons of diversity training, lots of training about how to work with different personality types?

Run through the scenario and show her how she has control. So if she is asked she simply says, no thank you. End of discussion. Reassurance that you will also step in it if the engagement continues.

It won't remove the anxiety but with practice will reduce it as she begins to understand and grasp she has control. It's a little resilience and some CBT methodology worked great with my oldest. Youngest would have been on stage before the question was finished.

There is a hell of a lot of opportunities for her to practice this and will only benefit her.

Don’t know why they do this as it is so easily solved by asking for willing volunteers to raise hands! I was at a show recently and at the beginning the act said he would pick volunteers and you must not say no as it would ruin the show for everyone! I was on edge the whole time but I would have 100% said no and probably got booed by the crowd.

Agree, they should ask for volunteers

Yes, we had a long discussion around how some people loved it and it’s absolutely fine to say no. That was the first time it happened.

The second time was an adult who said no but he got the crowd clapping and she eventually got up. That was the point in which we left.

Ref diversity training. Surely not required and basic human knowledge. My daughter knows the difference between introverts and extraverts and has done since she was much younger. I get that it’s probably because she’s an introvert and we’ve discussed it. I also appreciate that all entertainers will be extraverts and probably not have had in depth conversations with their parents about why things are harder for them than others. However, it’s impossible to get to adulthood and not understand that the thought of getting on a stage is sheer horror for some people!?

No means no. You seriously want me to believe that out of ALL the industries, that performers don't realise INNATELY that there are some people who don't like being on stage?
They push it because it makes them look bad if no-one comes on stage. Imagine if no-one volunteered to go up for a magician's trick... their show would fail.

From primary school, you can see, without diversity training (God that's such a cop-out), that there are people who don't like being picked for things.

Your reply was rude. I merely extrapolated your response as your justification could be used for anything. Any time someone says no, outside the realms of legality, it should mean no, without the need for your lazy excuse of 'training'.

I think you're the one who doesn't understand the difference between introverts and extroverts. I'm a extrovert but I would hate to be chosen to go up on stage. Extroversion simply means you gain energy from spending time around people, it doesn't mean you want all attention on you. Can't believe that people still don't understand this!

Anyway, aside from that YANBU.

Yanbu. I was reading recently about the York Dungeons, they have actors and interactive scenarios, but they've said to let them know if you don't want to be picked and they'll make sure you're not (I don't know how, perhaps a badge or something?). On stage is a bit different though, as PPs have said he should just ask for volunteers.

I do understand that, trust me. Human nature is massively complex and can not be simply put into 2 categories. It was a simple way of differentiating the person that likes to go on stage and one that doesn’t. How would I have phrased it better? Genuinely interested to know! Thanks

On a cruise this year and there was a comedy/ magic act. The comedian wanted 3 adult volunteers and only asked those who put their hands up, it was a big theatre. Surely this is the way to do it.

Totally agree, no one should feel forced to do this, but are you sure this is not a ‘set-up’ and the supposedly reluctant pressed-man is not the Magician’s stooge, silting in the audience to trick you in to thinking they’re not part of the act? It’s a common practice with stage magicians, and the show of reluctance is all part of the act.

On our cruise last winter they asked for volunteers during the break for the "game show" slot and went through what would be asked of them, I was asked, refused and they went onto the next table. The entertainers in the hotels tend to be a bit more pushy but not with the kids, it was hands up for them

Totally agree. If the person refuses, they should ‘t be pressurised in joining in, or made fun of for not joining in. They should just move on.

I would mention it to the hotel. It’s not acceptable and it certainly shouldn’t be causing a child anxiety. I also would hate this, but I like to think that if I just vigorously shook my head no they would accept that and move on instead of badgering people till they give in.

Completely agree. First no they should move on. And can we add dancing at weddings or any event to the list where no means no to participation.

Definitely should respect your decision. If you say no, then no it is and they should move on. They certainly shouldn't bully you or make a big deal out of it.

I'm exactly the same and hate it, and I'm 60! I've adopted various strategies, such as "being busy" with say a camcorder, so clearly giving off the "go away" vibe as they approach. Or in one case, in Austria, they were coming around doing local dancing with everyone and I just stood up and went to the loo as they approached. More recently, I just give them a firm head shake and a "look" if they seem to be heading my way and most just walk past. If they don't then it's a very firm "no"!

I've started being the same with professional training courses. You know the kind of madness where they waste the first 30 minutes going around the room making everyone introduce themselves and gave some information. I just now firmly say "no, I'm not doing that". Funnily enough, I've noticed other people doing the same now. Just get on with the sodding course!

I think as you get older, you're less willing to put up with this kind of nonsense and certainly less willing to put up with being bullied/forced into something you don't want to do.

waste the first 30 minutes going around the room making everyone introduce themselves and gave some information.

I disagree with you here, just asking for your name and a few professional details is not asking you to become a circus act or even put you on the spot. In a professional setting, what's the issue.