To think entertainers should not pick people out of the crowd

[Theoneandonlyone]

We’re on an all inclusive holiday and each night there has been entertainment. Every night the entertainer has picked someone from the crowd and mostly they’re up for it. 2 nights the person has said no and the entertainer has made them and encouraged the crowd to clap them until they get on stage.

This has caused my 10 year old daughter serious anxiety and she’s begged me to take her home during last nights magician. She has refused to go tonight. Can’t say I blame her. She’s terrified of being picked and I feel the same.

Surely in this day and age, an entertainer must understand the differences between introverts and extroverts.

its made me quite cross and I’m considering mentioning it to the hotel.

am I being unreasonable to think they should ask for a volunteer. Not select and bully on to the stage?

I absolutely hate this sort of thing so agree with you. And if they've said no then No means No

The issue is that it's completely irrelevant. I can kind of understand it if you're going to be working together in groups/collaboratively etc., as then it's good to know something about the people you'll be working with. But when it's a lecture, it's completely pointless and just wasting time.

I live in a city that is currently overrun with street performers. I've noticed over the last couple of years that when they have a child participate they also check that the parents/accompanying adults are okay with it, so presumably there is a safeguarding policy.

I agree people should be free to say no and it's unfair and uncomfortable to watch if a "no" isn't accepted and a person is co-erced.

I'm sure there would be volunteers.
I would also hate to be picked out of an audience/crowd for something like this.

In your shoes, I would reassure your daughter that if she was picked, you would absolutely stand up for her and say that she doesn't want to and doesn't have to go up there. Any entertainer who purposely tried to make a child uncomfortable about that is a shit entertainer and I would make a complaint.

In the waiting area for Lapland U.K. there’s FAR too much participation/ interaction from the characters there they seemed to pick out certain’big folk’ it was horrendous I literally had to go and hide (I’m autistic) I was terrified of being targeted as they were relentless and very over the top

I had this happen to me in one of the Dungeons, can't remember which. I wouldn't go back now, I was at the back of the group and obviously trying to avoid being singled out, which I suppose may have made me more of a target, but you would hope that someone obviously looking worried and keeping out the way would be left alone!
It's fine to ask, but the first "no" should be accepted, I'm sure in such audiences there are plenty people who would love to go on stage without forcing someone who is clearly uncomfortable.

Just tell her that they wouldn't do that to a child and not to worry. They do try it on with the adults, I agree.
Reassure her that if in the unlikely scenario she is picked to 'volunteer' then you as the parent will give a firm 'no'.

Why would a red coat/ entertainer not understand that some people are introverted and some extroverted? It’s not rocket science is it!

Urgh, I'm totally with you on this. I attended a " mentalist/ hypnosis " show recently where I knew there would be a fair amount of participation involved as it relies on people to make the show. I believed this would be entirely voluntary and therefore, as a introverted person with anxiety didn't have any misgivings about attending. I couldn't have been more wrong. We were picked out one by one and made to participate in silly dancing/ mind games/ hypnotized to believe we were a contestant in a game show/ bantered with and told to tell a funny joke.... On and on all night. It was horrible. The extroverted types loved it, but I wasn't the only one looking like they wanted the ground to swallow them up. I spent the entire night sweating about when it was my turn to go the front.

People don't need specialist training to recognise and understand the word 'no'.

I agree with you OP. In part because quite often such entertainment is filmed, with or without the entertainer's knowledge.

I'm not sure what your OP is asking – that entertainers shouldn't pick people out or they shouldn't continue to encourage them after they've said no? I think the latter is the unreasonable one, not the former.

It's a good learning opportunity for your daughter to stand her ground (and presumably you are there too to back her up?). She still come across many scenarios in life where she might be badgered into something she doesn't want to do.

It's not even about being extroverted or introverted, it's simply that you've said no. An extrovert can feel like having a go at something one day and not the next, the same as an introvert – there is no need to understand what people are and why. No is enough.

It’s not acceptable, but it’s also within your power to walk out and complain to management. They can’t actually force you to take part. But you kind of know there’s a risk of this with shit hotel entertainment- it’s why we always avoid the bar where it’s on and go to the quiet one instead.

I think I'd raise this with management. You won't be the only ones feeling uncomfortable and I'm sure they'd rather know so that aspect of the shows can be changed.

Yeah or just ask for a show of hands for those who want to participate, especially when kids are involved.

I would feel exactly the same as your daughter and I'm am adult!

It's completely unacceptable not to take no for an answer.

Honestly I think a no should be accepted as a no, this really annoys me. For some people it may seem silly but things like this give me major anxiety and has put me going to some attractions and shows. Went to an attraction not long back and spent most of the hour in complete fear as I suddenly realised they were getting people up all the time and making them do things, like dancing or singing or funny voices etc. And they weren't taking no for an answer either.

It might seem minor to most but surely it's not hard to understand why someone might be really uncomfortable in that situation and being dragged up and embarrassed just ruins the experience for them.

They don't need any diversity training. All they need to understand is that when a child says no, they mean NO.

How hard can it be?

I wish I had done that when I went to a huge seminar for work with a self proclaimed life coach. He told every second row to turn around and to face the person behind them. And hug them for 1 minute. That was 60 seconds of hell. Everyone did it too. Why oh why.

Exactly. Creepy weirdos

Op realistically no one can be forced to go onto stage. Either the person was a helper & it was his job to pretend to not want to go up to get the audience involved or he/she could have said no & refused to move.
Personally it was an opportunity to teach your child no means no & continue to say no & do not be pressured into saying yes, also that children will not be pressurised in the same way.

No. This is on the entertainer to read the room.

I think this is not so much about extroverts vs introverts but more about inclusion.

There is a myriad of completely valid reasons an adult or child would not be okay with this pressure to participate. Everything from neurodivergence to mental health and everything inbetween. I would complain as they really ought to aim to be inclusive in such an environment,

No should mean no, and any good entertainer would pick up on body language etc long before someone would have to outright refuse.

Also, being an introvert does not mean you hate being the centre of attention, any more than being an extrovert means you love being one. This myth and confusion really needs to die a death. I am an introvert and can't shut up. However, I need to recharge my social battery by being alone.