To think entertainers should not pick people out of the crowd

[Theoneandonlyone]

We’re on an all inclusive holiday and each night there has been entertainment. Every night the entertainer has picked someone from the crowd and mostly they’re up for it. 2 nights the person has said no and the entertainer has made them and encouraged the crowd to clap them until they get on stage.

This has caused my 10 year old daughter serious anxiety and she’s begged me to take her home during last nights magician. She has refused to go tonight. Can’t say I blame her. She’s terrified of being picked and I feel the same.

Surely in this day and age, an entertainer must understand the differences between introverts and extroverts.

its made me quite cross and I’m considering mentioning it to the hotel.

am I being unreasonable to think they should ask for a volunteer. Not select and bully on to the stage?

I had this at a All Inclusive hotel once, I said no and he started making comments like “you don’t look like the kind of girl who normally says no”, and so on, as though that would change my mind, he just carried on going at me and grabbing my arm and pulling me….my husband told him to stop and leave it and he said to him “Oohh look at you acting hard, just cause you want some tonight” - this was at a family hotel so kids there as well.

we left at that point and the next day the hotel manager came and apologised to me as apparently other guests has approached him and complained.

I was and am the same. I hate involuntary audience participation. However, I have been to events in recent years (much more consent-conscious) where the performer asks anyone who doesn't want to be picked etc to fold their arms. Could you make that into a very strong piece of feedback?

No means no. You can ask once and then accept the answer.

I am an extrovert but hate being picked on and stopped going to comedy shows in my twenties because of it.

My kids are now in their twenties and still resent that they were never picked for shows as kids as they would have loved it!

Audience participation is fine. But you need to respect people when they say no.

My DDs are always desperate to ‘be picked’ but I definitely understand those who would be on the edge of their seats worrying. I’d just repeatedly tell her ‘it’s ok to say no’ and assure her you will support her in this if needed.
My DH seems to ‘be picked’ (as well as DDs!) and he doesn’t mind it. I think he quite enjoys it actually 😂 I do remember cringing in my seat in Ibiza at a family entertainment night once though. I can’t remember now exactly what he had to do but it involved popping balloons with body parts.
I wonder why they simply don’t ask for those who would like to join in to put their hand up.

Could you sit near the back and tell her they probably won't pick on a child but if they did you can just leave immediately

From the entertainer's point of view, I would have thought that a willing volunteer would be better to make the act go with a swing; it's a "family entertainment" kind of show after all, not an "edgy" comedy club. I agree with PP's who recommend reassuring your daughter that she has your support if she wants to refuse, or letting her express her reluctance by staying away; she should feel that Mum would never ride roughshod over her feelings just to avoid a fuss.
Additionally I would have a discreet word with the management, appealing to their self-interest in wanting their customers to have a good time, so that they come back again to spend more money! They can voice their concern to the entertainer if they choose; it may even be that, as @DailyMailHater relates, guests have been made uncomfortable (although it sounds as if that entertainer was far more crass).

I was at one where the icebreaker was to say who the most important person in our life was.

That's intrusive enough if you have a partner and kids (though how does one choose THE most important?) but excruciatingly nosey if one is single.

Yes, I think walking your daughter through a scenario where someone declines and sticks to their guns is powerful.
For what it's worth, I never 'pick' pupils in my class to answer questions either unless they enthusiastically indicate that they really want to answer.

i think it would be worth mentioning to the hotel, and keep reassuring your dd that she will not have to go up and you will stick up for her.

just as an aside- Not all performers are naturally extroverts.
I’m a professional performer (musical theatre, and singing gigs mainly but I have done typically extrovert jobs too, like panto and holiday park entertainment) but I’m actually an introvert.

I’m confident and loud and present as extroverted when I’m on stage (singing/acting etc) but I’m definitely an introvert and I’d be absolutely mortified being picked out of the audience for someone else’s show. Like when I was at school I would have full on panic attacks before certain teachers lessons as they always picked random people to answer questions, and although I knew the answers the majority of the time just the thought of being picked on and not in control of the situation filled me with pure fear.
I would also be sat at the show not being able to relax and secretly praying that I wasn’t picked! So I would never pick from the audience, I would ask for volunteers as there is always a few people willing. No need to make everyone feel anxious or uncomfortable!

I was responding to the poster who said redcoats and entertainers don’t always understand the ‘introvert/extrovert spectrum’.

Sorry, I should have @'ed that poster – not you.

I would want the floor to swallow me up to be honest with you all, I also feel the same.

It is when people, who don't want to be chosen actually get up and walk out of the building or the opposite direction of the unfunny comedien/dodgy entertainer is that the message may get across to them what "NO" means.