To think this man is devious and trying to take advantage of me?

[TooClumsyToBeAroundFragileMasculinity]

A while back I was casually seeing somebody (also read, sleeping together) and it came to an end for various reasons. I realised that sort of thing isn't for me as I ended up feeling used.

He got in touch a year later trying to chat me up and I made it clear I wasn't interested in sleeping with him again. Ever.

He accepted that whilst expressing his disappointment but has been in contact sporadically since then - swearing blind he would just be happy to be my friend. Fair enough I thought. No hard feelings, I'll say hello etc when I see him (mutual friends)

Fast forward to now he is in touch again after reaching out to congratulate me on my weight loss and saying I look 'good'. I knew what was coming next. It evolved into him hankering to come to my house "for a drink"

I was drunk every time I slept with him. Shit time in my life. I don't actually drink alcohol generally and neither does he. He was sober every time we slept together.

I ignored the message and more kept coming, looking for a reason to come round.

I can see straight through him. He wants to get me drunk so I'll have sex with him again, even though I made it clear I don't want to go back there.

I've blocked him now but I'm absolutely seething about it. I feel like he was trying to set the stage to sexually assault me.

Am I being unreasonable to think he's actually quite devious and sinister? It's literally a crime to take advantage of a drunk person isn't it?! Or am I overthinking this?

I've NC.

Gross. Well done on blocking him.

He was clearly fishing to get his end away. You've done the right thing to block him.

Yanbu. Keep him blocked

Just block him and if he comes round, call the police.

youve made it clear you don't want to have a relationship with him, don't do what so many women do on here, which say one thing and do something different. Mixed messages.

Just don't engage, don't give him the remotest idea that he's in with a chance.

be decisive, clear and resolute or he'll keep mithering on until you give in.

He clearly wants to get laid.

I think sinister and devious might be a stretch though. Just say no if you dont want to.

"Rapey little bastard"

That's minimising victims of rape to be honest.

Thats the thing though, I've made it clear multiple times it would never be happening again. I just feel like, no is no and he should respect that.

I did wonder if I'm prone to react badly to something like this because of unrelated although relevant trauma I have, so it's good to get others opinions.

I think it all comes down to consent.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
You can consent to sex while drunk. However, if you were paralytic or unconscious you can't. I think it's wrong to suggest he wants to sexually in assault you. He's doing what's worked for him in the past. You've in the past hooked up, had a few drinks and had consensual sex. That doesn't mean he's a rapist or deviant. That also doesn't mean you want to do it again which is absolutely your choice. You get to chose if, when and how you have sex. You were in a bad place and potentially did things you regret but that doesn't make it assault.

I am one.

Well he can't take advantage of you if you have nothing to do with him

I understand that. I'm not suggesting he did anything wrong at the time. I'm upset now because despite making it clear I'm not interested he's still trying to make it happen. That feels like him not taking no for an answer and I have a hard time being on the receiving end of a situ like that because I've been assaulted in the past by another bloke who just wouldn't take no for an answer.

I think had I not had the experiences I've had I'd probably just roll my eyes and think "jog on mate" but I'm looking at it through the lenses of somebody who's had about enough of men not taking no for an answer.

@TooClumsyToBeAroundFragileMasculinity

Well that's worse

Well I am one so that was not my intention at all. I'm going to ask MNHQ to remove that from my post.

I’m sorry that you have been. But not on the occasions you describe here.

OP, I get you. Disgusting twat

Are you saying you were too drunk to consent every time you slept together before? I’m not sure I see the ‘devious’ in his more recent communications, which sound about as obvious as shouting I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU. You’d have had to be very gullible to be taken in.

He isn't not taking no for an answer. Not taking no for an answer is another thing entirely. He's asking you out for a drink. If you don't want him to do that block him, delete him and never see him again. You don't have to see him ever again. However, suggesting that he's a rapey bastard that wants to get you drunk and sexually assult you, when he had only ever had consensual sex with you, is totally out of order. Even the suggestion could ruin someone life. I'm sorry you've been a victim of rape in the past but this guy should be tarred with that brush.

Of course not, and thats not what I'm trying to get across.

My anger towards him is about him trying to push for something now after I have repeatedly said no.

I'll leave the thread here, I can see i have annoyed people. I just needed a space to vent and get some feedback as I've been quite triggered and am aware that I may not necessarily see things the way others do as my reaction comes from a place of trauma. My apologies. This isn't the place for it. Sorry.

I don't think rapey little bastard is inappropriate here. He is clearly not respecting your clear no, and it sounds as if he would have no qualms about getting you drunk and taking advantage of he got the chance.

That's how I saw it 😕

He doesn't even drink, never once wanted to join me in having a glass of wine or whatever when I was seeing him. He's only mentioning booze because he wants me to be tipsy/drunk and therefore more inclined to want to sleep with him.

Exactly.

Well done for blocking him, OP.

Try to forget about him & move on with your life.

Oh no nothing like that.

I mean i was pissed but all plans to meet and sleep together were made when I was completely sober and there's no question I was completely into it/him at the time.

The alcohol came into it in the run up to (and during) the time I spent with him, dutch courage in a sense, because sober I'm much more inhibited / uncomfortable with showing my body or doing certain things even though I did really did want to sleep with him.

Then you should really know better than to use that 'phrase'.

I would have blocked the creep a lot sooner to be honest, but well done for doing it 👍