To think this man is devious and trying to take advantage of me?

[TooClumsyToBeAroundFragileMasculinity]

A while back I was casually seeing somebody (also read, sleeping together) and it came to an end for various reasons. I realised that sort of thing isn't for me as I ended up feeling used.

He got in touch a year later trying to chat me up and I made it clear I wasn't interested in sleeping with him again. Ever.

He accepted that whilst expressing his disappointment but has been in contact sporadically since then - swearing blind he would just be happy to be my friend. Fair enough I thought. No hard feelings, I'll say hello etc when I see him (mutual friends)

Fast forward to now he is in touch again after reaching out to congratulate me on my weight loss and saying I look 'good'. I knew what was coming next. It evolved into him hankering to come to my house "for a drink"

I was drunk every time I slept with him. Shit time in my life. I don't actually drink alcohol generally and neither does he. He was sober every time we slept together.

I ignored the message and more kept coming, looking for a reason to come round.

I can see straight through him. He wants to get me drunk so I'll have sex with him again, even though I made it clear I don't want to go back there.

I've blocked him now but I'm absolutely seething about it. I feel like he was trying to set the stage to sexually assault me.

Am I being unreasonable to think he's actually quite devious and sinister? It's literally a crime to take advantage of a drunk person isn't it?! Or am I overthinking this?

I've NC.

You sound so eloquent

OP well done for blocking him and having good boundaries.

Some men are gross.

Give him no more headspace.

@daisychain01 . Aye,am are,thanks. . .
you sound like youve deluded yourself a bit...heavy lean from you is hes predictble. you arent intrested.
continue to engage.no i do not mean you assking for it.
YOU know YOUR previous.
you can stop this
block.
its done

I think rapey little bastard is accurate. Op has clearly said no repeatedly and over a long time and he is clearly trying to change that no into a drunken ok.

So he doesn't care about consent. He may pay it lip service but deep down he doesn't care she said no if he can manipulate a yes.

I've been raped. I think we need to label the vibe given off when a man thinks a woman is a object there for his benefit not an equal person. I don't feel disrespected as a rape victim seeing another woman describing how she's been made to feel by a man. I actually feel quiet angry other women are being critical of her use of language- it's hard enough to talk about how men can make you feel vulnerable or to come out and say you were raped when it wasn't the violence pinned down while you scream situation that so many people seem to think is the only definition of rape. Saying you can't say a man is a rapey little bastard in this situation could have people reading this thinking well maybe I wasn't raped then because all he did was pressure and I did consent before so he didn't really understand my no.

OP I'm sorry you got the reaction you did for some ignorant people here

@PurpleBugz .he may pay lipservice. ?if you listen. walk away/block/remove option.taking advntage isnii blocked

Do you know how many women worry about hurting a man's feelings and end up meeting up or doing things they don't want because they don't want to upset him? It's a common theme on her women treated badly but they won't do anything about it for ages because it will hurt his feelings

@tolerable

Also the OP did block him. But he worked around that contacting her via instagram he previously told her he didn't have. So he could ask her again a question she has clearly said no to. How is this behaviour defendable? How is OP unreasonable to post about it?

You going back with him so to him the message was that you were up for it.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now as you've blocked him and won't ever have to see him again and can now concentrate on yourself, building up your self esteem and understanding why you allowed yourself to get caught up with someone who only cares to get his end away.

Going back with him when?

I haven't met up with him since early 2023 and any attempt on his part of restarting a sexual relationship has been met with a firm "no, not interested" ever since.

I was referring to your initial meetings with him.

'I was drunk every time I slept with him.'

That's what he has on his brain that you aware an easy shag back then so is hoping that you are still behaving that way.

You have now thankfully decided that's not what you are and how you want to behave and you've done the right thing by blocking him and his attempts to uses you just for sex.

I understand where you are coming from OP and I think you are doing the right thing just ignoring and blocking him. He's not a nice guy, you find him revolting and dim for a good reason. There are so many men like that out there. They have absolutely no pride and even though a lot of them refer to themselves as a good guy, they are so far from it. I have met up with plenty of them and they have made me completely go off men as it's all just a game and the person they are using as a pawn is irrelevant to them, it just so happens to be you this time and until he finds his next victim it will continue to be you regardless of how firm you are in your stance.

Some people on here are exhausting.

I think 'Rapey little bastard' is fine. It minimises the creepy rapey-vibe giving guy, not rape victims themselves. But people do love a good winge and to cry 'ooh that's inappropriate waaah'.

Op on here because she's exhausted by a creep being a creep. Only to have people have a go about word choice. Ridiculous. If you don't like it, get off her post and read something else, no ones forcing you to be the appropriate language police.

I can see why you're angry op. Your 'no' being minimised and ignored would be insulting any time but probably feels extra infuriating if you've been through prior abuse/assault.

I remember at a vulnerable time, looking for lodgers and despite how many times I wrote 'women only',men would reply to the advert. It started to really quite upset me. Bonus points when I was due to meet someone who I assumed was a woman but they phoned for more specific directions to the place and it turned out to be a guy!
Normally I would have just been annoyed but when you've recently been through stuff and not healed yet it makes things...scarier, I suppose. It makes you feel helpless and that makes you feel angry.

But it's really not your fault or anything you're doing wrong, you know that don't you. Creeps are just creeps unfortunately.

Just be kind to yourself. And take some from the dating scene for a while too perhaps. Congratulations on your weight loss!

Agree completely.

MN is such a nasty bullying place for posters just trying to tease out an issue.
Really awful.
Constantly jumping all over language, grammar and spelling.
Nasty.

Nothing at all wrong with the expression.
It absolutely describes a sleazy creep who gives off the vibe that he would take advantage of you given have a chance.

You have him pegged well OP.

Well done for blocking him.
Forget about him and mind yourself.

Thank you to the posters coming to my defence about my choice of words. I was quite taken aback to have some people jumping down my throat. It might not be a particularly nice phrase but it's one I've heard many times to describe men who get women drunk so they can have sex with them, which is exactly what he wanted to do.

I've also heard the term used to describe men who send unsolicited dick pics which is something else he has done previously 🤢

Word salad

I had an ex like this and it is taking advantage

Ugh There are so many of them about. How depressing!