Hi all, I posted a few days ago about by partner commenting on how I looked just before we out to the swimming pool. I've been thinking about it alot and how all his behaviour from the past has impacted me - he slept around ALOT. He would go on nights out and bring women back to his and repeatedly lie about it. He slept with two women in one week on the Thursday and Saturday and me in between on the Friday. I then watched him get ready to go out with friends Saturday morning, he told me how much he loved me, kissed me and left. He took a heavily pregnant woman home from a club that night and slept with her.
A few weeks later he slept with another woman after a night out. Lied to me about it repeatedly. Lied straight to my face that night and told me he was alone when really he wasn't. There were more than just these three but there the ones that stick out right now. The last time he cheated was March this year.
Through all this he has said if I ever went near another man he would never see me again. He went MAD about me texting a man I knew one night even though he literally had a woman in his bed that very night having sex with her. He says it would hurt him more than it hurts me.
He promises he is faithful now and at the risk of sounding really stupid I do actually believe him. Things are very different in that sense and I don't think he is actually cheating anymore but my head is a mess with it all. He hurt me so deeply. He destroyed my self esteem. I question everything now. Maybe this is dramatic but I actually feel like I'm changed forever as a person because of this.
Anyway so last night I was very upset and tried to talk to him about how much this had all destroyed me. How it had affected my ability to trust. How I was angry at myself aswell as him for allowing it to happen knowing how much it was affecting my mental health. How I started getting lip filler and had a mole removed, spray tanning and even considered surgery - all things I'd never even thought about before. Some kind of attempt to keep a man who was destroying me!? I don't even know anymore.
Whilst I was crying, he apologised, he hugged me. I was lay on the bed and he liked cuddled into me and I had my arm round him and I was upset but I was starting to calm down and felt a tiny bit closer. Like maybe he really does get how wrong he was.....and he says, I shit you not he says....'I wanna play with your clit'.
Ffs. I give up. I actually give up here. Tears started pouring down my face and I left the room. We've 'spoke' about it this morning and he has zero clue why I was annoyed/upset. Said he was trying to cheer me up.
AIBU to think this is completely fucked!?! This is 100% real unfortunately.