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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is completely wrong!? Abuse? I don't even know.

66 replies

ForRubyMentor · 31/07/2024 12:09

Hi all, I posted a few days ago about by partner commenting on how I looked just before we out to the swimming pool. I've been thinking about it alot and how all his behaviour from the past has impacted me - he slept around ALOT. He would go on nights out and bring women back to his and repeatedly lie about it. He slept with two women in one week on the Thursday and Saturday and me in between on the Friday. I then watched him get ready to go out with friends Saturday morning, he told me how much he loved me, kissed me and left. He took a heavily pregnant woman home from a club that night and slept with her.

A few weeks later he slept with another woman after a night out. Lied to me about it repeatedly. Lied straight to my face that night and told me he was alone when really he wasn't. There were more than just these three but there the ones that stick out right now. The last time he cheated was March this year.

Through all this he has said if I ever went near another man he would never see me again. He went MAD about me texting a man I knew one night even though he literally had a woman in his bed that very night having sex with her. He says it would hurt him more than it hurts me.

He promises he is faithful now and at the risk of sounding really stupid I do actually believe him. Things are very different in that sense and I don't think he is actually cheating anymore but my head is a mess with it all. He hurt me so deeply. He destroyed my self esteem. I question everything now. Maybe this is dramatic but I actually feel like I'm changed forever as a person because of this.

Anyway so last night I was very upset and tried to talk to him about how much this had all destroyed me. How it had affected my ability to trust. How I was angry at myself aswell as him for allowing it to happen knowing how much it was affecting my mental health. How I started getting lip filler and had a mole removed, spray tanning and even considered surgery - all things I'd never even thought about before. Some kind of attempt to keep a man who was destroying me!? I don't even know anymore.

Whilst I was crying, he apologised, he hugged me. I was lay on the bed and he liked cuddled into me and I had my arm round him and I was upset but I was starting to calm down and felt a tiny bit closer. Like maybe he really does get how wrong he was.....and he says, I shit you not he says....'I wanna play with your clit'.

Ffs. I give up. I actually give up here. Tears started pouring down my face and I left the room. We've 'spoke' about it this morning and he has zero clue why I was annoyed/upset. Said he was trying to cheer me up.

AIBU to think this is completely fucked!?! This is 100% real unfortunately.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/07/2024 15:20

Sunshineafterthehail · 31/07/2024 12:12

He cheats because he can. The only thing to change the cycle is for you to throw him to the dogs and dump him. Or this is your life...

This. He obviously likes sex a lot. Don't think he really wants any sort of partnership with you.

ColaColaCube · 31/07/2024 15:20

I think this situation says more about you than it does him. He’s shown his true colours, he’s a horrid cheating man.

But I can’t wrap my head round why on earth you have stayed with him? What has made you put up with this? You are a doormat

Leave and get some therapy. You need to work on your self respect and esteem x

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2024 15:21

Grim. Can't believe you're accepting this.

pinkyredrose · 31/07/2024 16:53

Do you live together?

PBandJ111 · 31/07/2024 17:02

Yabu if you stay with him.
yanbu as to he is fucked up.

RMNandthensome · 31/07/2024 17:41

You are being unreasonable to still be with him after so many red flags. If you was a friend being told this you would tell them to leave him that he is bad for your health in every way. He has zero respect for you, hard as it is once you remove yourself from this and start healing you will feel soooo much better. This is from someone who has been through something very similar. You deserve better.

ashitghost · 31/07/2024 17:44

Ugh. He sounds absolutely fucking rancid.

yeesh · 31/07/2024 17:46

He is an utter cunt, why on earth are you with him?

Didimum · 31/07/2024 17:47

He repeatedly cheated on you and last cheated on you in March and gives you misogynistic comments about your appearance.

Not only is this man a disgusting excuse for a human, I guarantee he is already cheating on you again or will in the blink of an eye.

Leave.

ButterCrackers · 31/07/2024 17:52

Get an STD check up right away.

CatchHimDerry · 31/07/2024 17:52

These types will never change.
As per PP, STI checks and in the bin 🗑️
Forever
Dont look back.
You can do this, and your life will forever be the better for it

Sunhatweather · 31/07/2024 17:58

I hope your next update here will be telling us you’ve left him. There’s nothing good in that relationship, OP.

Bananalanacake · 31/07/2024 18:09

I hope he uses condoms with you as any of the other women he's had sex with could have Chlamydia or HIV.

Chocolately · 31/07/2024 18:12

He sounds absolutely revolting, and sorry, but you sound like a mug to put up with him. Bin him off and regain your self respect.

EdTeach · 31/07/2024 18:14

Stop wasting your life with this absolute tool.

AgentProvocateur · 31/07/2024 18:22

He’s not your partner - he’s a serial shagger, and you just happen to be who he’s shagging at the moment. Why are you staying with him? He’s a piece of shit. He’s cheated on you repeatedly and will continue to do so. Find your self respect and find a real man.

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