We are very low contact (lc) with dh parents.
He doesn't go over there and as a family we last went about maybe 4 or 5 Xmas es ago.
We have tried over the years to have a relationship, but unfortunately they don't change their behaviour. Small examples, getting moody, cross when anything was suggested to them eg, please check the car lock is on dd opens the door in motion.
Turn up and as they pull up dd is opening the door and mil lied and said it's because she pressed the release button inside. Even though it was clearly explained to them the lock is on the inside and it's a lever.
Potty training, ignoring requests not to change dd into a nappy, which they did as soon as she got there and in front of older dc who told us.
Not supervising properly around a deep pond, and on and on.
On top of this, all the small things as well they totally disregarded but mil speaking to me and dh in an unpleasant way.. They always seem to incredibly disappointed in him, never been respectful to him nor me.. Unfortunately my family is mostly deceased otherwise they wouldn't have seen us for dust.
They act superior and always try to tell us how to make our house nicer like theirs ( 6 bed 4 bath house in 2 acres south) how to get free trips through work don't pay ( of course not a family trip), mil rearranges our house, says things arnt in suitable places, and has cried over what she considers to be filth.
They also act like we are depriving our dc if a great childhood etc. And she constantly says in a horrid tone about all the extra lessons she paid for dh to have as if it's a massive deal for her.
Sorry if you have got this far, we are visiting dh family in another country and I'm concerned the in laws will turn up or already be there..
In the past when we went out for dh granny milestone bday, we made it clear we didn't want to go for the main meal but would visit after.
We arrived and they sprang out. They spoke about themselves as usual, mil did lots of crying and martyr behaviour. We did give them anther chance after this but quickly reverted to type.
Then they did say if dh wanted to visit relatives abroad they would go at alternatives times.. However I'm concerned they havant turned up at our door which they normal do when school finishes which makes me suspicious that they may spring out on us.We don't want to worry a granny whose nealry 100 with this or cause issues.
All this unpleasant stuff happened when dc much younger so when they see in laws they seem like sweet people standing on our door step.
How do we smoothly extract ourselves without upsetting old gran, without seeming like the bad guys and without bowing to fils pressure.
He gives me heart palpitations, makes me feel extremely nervous etc because he doesn't seem human. He asks me how I am but I feel like it's the terminator asking before shooting me.
It's our holiday and of course they may not turn up. We intended to stay with two different relatives but I think we could find last min accmd if necessary.
We can't afford to book alternatives now, but if our backs were to the wall I guess we would have too.
On the trip where they sprang out they took over everything, eg at a zoo we all said we fancied a donut (to each other), fil and mil started to take over and said they would get it dh pushed back and said no I will.. He eventually backed down and fil got something else entirely?
He's often done this. Looking back of course we shld have handed it back and got our donuts but when your in these situations they are fast moving and you don't what to cause a fuss.
Sorry this is a long ramble.
What do we say.