To feel shocked about this comment from one woman about another.

[PassingStranger]

I was party to a conversation the other week.. one woman was talking to another woman about the way another woman was dressed. Who was known to her. She then went on to say she told me she'd been raped.
Woman 2 says it's not surprising the way she was dressed.
I was shocked to think woman 2 could say that.
A woman should be able to wear what she wants.

I was taken aback and couldn't find my voice to say something. I wish I had. But by the time I'd thought of what I wanted yo say the conversation had moved on. I didn't really wish to get into conversations like that either. Very heavy.

My point is though, who would have thought a woman would say that and imply a woman was raped because of what she was wearing?

Are alot of women like this?
First time I'd heard it.

A woman should be able to walk down the street naked and still not be raped or touched!

tell this small minded woman to have a look at the video online of the rape survivor who’s held an art exhibit that contained the outfits of dozen of rape victims from the time of their assault. It ranges from wedding dresses to pyjamas and just proves the point it doesn’t matter what a woman is wearing it is NEVER an excuse for assaulting another human being.

I would have said something. Unfortunately there's lot of internalised misogyny around.

Women constantly scrutinise and criticise other women's clothes. Fur coat , no knickers. Mutton dressed as lamb - these are phrases used by women about women. I actually find it more shocking that you don't realise it happens. Don't even get me started on the comments about what young girls wear and the criticism and slut shaming. If you are viewing women by what they are wearing then well she's asking for it is just on the same lines.

Edited for spelling error

Not not heard it before about the rape comment and what she's wearing fom a woman.

Saying something dosent undo the fact it's been said either.
Think I was shocked at what I'd heard.

I have heard so much worse that I'm also surprised you're shocked. I remember once a colleague saying that she hoped a woman she doesn't like gets raped. I've heard a woman say that her friend can't have been raped as she's not attractive enough. I've heard a woman blame a woman for being raped because she went out at night. And that's just rape, never mind appearance.

ETA and #metoo comments about women deserving what they got from going to Weinstein's room.

There really is just one word to answer whether you are being unreasonable in being shocked. NO.

No discussion is necessary. It is shocking.

Honestly she shouldn’t have even told you she’d been raped. That’s the awful part to me. She may not want the world to know.

Were these people you know or people who were just talking loudly near you?

I hear the same sort of stuff and always say something. You missed the first time, you'll not the second.

I've voted YABU for not saying something. What was there to think about?

Your right there.

Yes lots of women have internalised misogyny.

It's a form of self-preservation really, isn't it?
People like to find, what they think, is 'the reason' this awful event has happened to the affected woman - to reassure themselves that such an event could never happen to themselves, as they would never 'dress like that' / 'go out alone in the dark'.
It gives them comfort and puts their fears to bed.
They can't bring themselves to have empathy as it would force them to face their own fears of not being able to control events or other people's actions in life.

Being a woman doesn’t automatically make you a good person. Some women are bloody awful. Look at the female morality police in Iran, dragging young girls off of the street and into prisons where they are sexually assaulted by the male officers. They know full well what will happen to those girls. They probably think they deserve it for being ‘immodest’.

Maybe it’s internalised misogyny, maybe it’s a sense of self-righteousness and no empathy. Maybe it’s jealousy. Maybe it’s about trying to claw back some modicum of power, at the expense of other women.

I do feel that the way men sexualise women has a knock on effect of women becoming competitive/judgemental/catty with other women over perceived looks/attractiveness to other men.

I have never seen any sort of evidence that shows a correlation between what a woman is wearing, and her chances of being raped.

This is the same old narrative that “poor men” are “unable to control themselves” .. which means women should be walking round covered from head to foot, to stop men from being tempted.

It’s utter rubbish … women in countries / cultures where they are routinely covered over for “modesty” (don’t even get me started on that misogynist tripe), still get raped.

This is about Male entitlement..clothes have nothing to do with it

I've commented on two stories on the Daily Mail this morning and both comments have been removed. Neither of my comments were offensive or inappropriate.

One was about Jennifer Aniston, written by a male showbiz reporter who said she "looked very perky while braless". If you are going to be a showbiz reporter, report about showbiz, do not use it as an excuse to be a Peeping Tom. I asked him why he wasn't reporting on real showbiz stories and writing these embarrassing stories instead.

The other was written by a woman, about Paul McCartney and his "leggy wife Nancy". The photo showed them both wearing a pair of shorts each and Paul showing as much leg as Nancy but he wasn't described as "leggy". I asked why and said it was embarrassing.

These people make me absolutely fizz.

Yeah, I don't know why we don't all just wear full coverage clothing like the women in Iran, and completely solve the issue of sexual assault and rape!

The whole conversation was appalling. Why the hell was woman one even commenting on another woman's rape? It's not casual gossip.

I absolutely would have said something, I always do and always have when I encounter casual misogyny, from men or women.

(Mostly men though, it's usually men).

I totally agree with this comment. It's magical thinking - if a woman gets raped it's not because men are idiotic monsters, it's because she made a bad choice. It gives the illusion of control and makes them think that if they do 'the right thing' then they won't be the target of men's random violence. I have a lot of sympathy for it - to me it seems a fairly normal reaction to a world where you can just be going about your business and some entitled fuckwit can bring such horror into your life, purely because he feels like it.

Why is it assumed all women are some collective who share the one brain? Men are individuals so why can't women be?

This.

In similar situations, I have sometimes describes what I was wearing when I was raped. Yellow cotton trousers, runners, a striped T-shirt and a denim jacket. I was also ten years old.

There’s a story on the daily fail today where a young woman confronted an older lady because she made a comment about how she was dressed, something along the lines of no wonder they get raped. The comments on the article are shocking, completely in agreement with the older lady. Why do people never automatically bash the awful people who perpetrate these crimes, you should be able to go anywhere and wear anything you want without unwanted touching or attention. Saying that though, these things still happen in places like Afghanistan where women are covered head to toe - so what would these victim shamers give as the cause there I wonder!

1988 age 30 l was out with a friend in town ( sat night very busy) in my new pink mini skirt with matching box jacket.. very hot night.. felt really good..stood at a bar waiting to get served.
A guy behind me at the busy bar put his hand under my skirt and tried pulling down my knickers..
These were the nights when police patrolled the towns and cities .. l went up to two police officers ( one male..one female) and the male said.. what do you expect dressed like that.
My friend said.. " well I'm wearing a mini skirt .. am l going to he the next one.. or other women wearing mini skirts?"
The female officer smirked and said.. " either go enjoy your night or go home"🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately I'm not at all surprised and I've heard it all before. I remember when I was 22, I was sat on a bench in town waiting for my partner to walk down after his morning shift. A woman approached me (I'd say she was only in her 30s) and told me I am stretching my legs out for men to stare at me and I ought to be ashamed, and that once I get raped I will regret parading myself around like this.

I was wearing a bloody turtle neck jumper, but my skirt cut off above the knee (though not a mini skirt) which I guess must have been the shameful bit. But that shouldn't matter. I could have been "parading myself" in a thong and what she said would still be unacceptable.

It's all just internalised misogyny which sadly is still very common.

I'm not actually shocked you heard that because to be quite honest that was a view point commonly held by both women and men at one point.: that women were culpable by what they wore/ how they behaved if they were raped. It goes hand in hand with the examination of the rape victims sexual history and even her messages and emails etc.

BUT I had hope we had moved on from the the victim blaming culture at least among women themselves. I think it is still present in the legal system to an extent.

So it is very sad to hear women actually still expressing such an anachronistic and false view point. But not altogether surprising.