To feel shocked about this comment from one woman about another.

[PassingStranger]

I was party to a conversation the other week.. one woman was talking to another woman about the way another woman was dressed. Who was known to her. She then went on to say she told me she'd been raped.
Woman 2 says it's not surprising the way she was dressed.
I was shocked to think woman 2 could say that.
A woman should be able to wear what she wants.

I was taken aback and couldn't find my voice to say something. I wish I had. But by the time I'd thought of what I wanted yo say the conversation had moved on. I didn't really wish to get into conversations like that either. Very heavy.

My point is though, who would have thought a woman would say that and imply a woman was raped because of what she was wearing?

Are alot of women like this?
First time I'd heard it.

You only have to look at the comments on here to see the extent of internalised misogyny. Women finding long hair on boys a practical nightmare, where as it’s fine on girls. Women finding their husband’s lack of cooking skills amusing. Women ‘tempting’ married men away from their wife and children as if they are sirens. Women funding the childcare out of their own pay rather than jointly, or just referencing it to their own (‘I’d barely make any money, it’s pointless going to work’, rather than ‘my husband now earns £1000 less a month, would it make more sense for him to go part time). Daughter-in-laws being held responsible for arranging family get togethers and presents whilst their actual son is not accountable.

God, what an awful comment. Basically implying some women deserve to get raped and we should just expect it if we dress a certain way. I wonder if she feels the same way about school uniforms… no type of clothing can protect people from sexual violence

Very similar story in the Daily Fail today.. strikingly similar

I completely agree that women should be able to wear whatever they want. But the fact is there ARE vile predatory men around and personally I'd feel more vulnerable wearing skimpy clothes.

I'd also think my daughter's more vulnerable and would worry.

I'm shocked that you're shocked.

The majority of rapes and sexual assaults are carried out by perpetrators that the survivor knows such as spouse, colleague, date.

Even in countries where women are covered head to foot or dress 'modestly' there are high levels of sexual assault. In Egypt for example, it's common for large groups of men to surround women and sexually assault them. Sexual harassment is common in conservative countries like India.

Sexual assault has nothing to do with what you look like, it's about power and control.

But is she more vulnerable that is the question?

My MIL said exactly this. Her opinion is that men are weak and have ‘urges’ and can’t help themselves so it is a woman’s responsibility not to cause them to feel like this……as someone who was raped as a child (wearing jeans and a t shirt) I couldn’t begin to even explain to her how wrong she was. That it has nothing to do with what a woman wears and everything to do with power.

I’m sure she would have told me that my situation was different or something along those lines. It boils my blood. Every woman should be able to wear what they want and men should have to control themselves and stop being bloody animals. Consequently I have as little to do with her as possible.

@Blueberry40 💐

Similar thing happened to me, same year. The guy put his had up my skirt and when I shouted at him, he pinned me to the wall by my throat and pulled his fist back.His friends pulled him off.
He was in his 40s, I was 15.
What amazes me is how I took his actions in my stride so to speak, completely conditioned to believe it was normal.

Apologies for the link but the original is a video of a young girl speaking to a woman who saw her outfit then turned to her husband and said 'no wonder they get raped'. The girl tried to speak to the woman about it but she continued to blame her outfit rather than the rapists

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13687471/woman-confronts-pensioner-rape-comment-train.html

I am so sorry @BikesIHaveLost

Women are raped because they came across a rapist at the wrong time. Clothing makes not a bit of difference. Unfortunately we all hear and take on the messages given to young women and the way you dress is a part of that but it's complete shit. It only ever applies to stranger rape which is really not common. So women change how you dress, change how you act, change what you do to protect yourself from this rare event and unfortunately doing some of the recommended things actually puts you at greater risk.

Its going to take an incredible societal shift but responsibility for rape needs to be placed on the rapists not the victims. Its time rapists were seen as the scum they are not players who got lucky.

Rapists will carry out the attack regardless of what a woman is wearing.

To say someone is a target because of what they are wearing is ridiculous. No person “deserves or is asking” to be attacked no matter what they are wearing, where they are or what time of day/night it is.

Next time you can ask her what role she imagines the victims’ clothing played when men have raped other men, or babies and children, or the elderly asleep in their beds in a care home.

It's the just world hypothesis. She thinks she is safe from danger because she doesn’t dress in a way she considers provocative but she’s wrong.

Not only is it misogynistic and outdated, it is also pretty shit for this woman to be pointing out someone who was raped. Why was that sort of information shared?

Views like this are far too common - you don't have to spend much time on FB or MN to find similar vile comments.

Show her this:

https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/

Warning, heartbreaking.

But the fact is there ARE vile predatory men around and personally I'd feel more vulnerable wearing skimpy clothes.

I was wearing a hoodie and baggy cargo style trousers when I was raped.

Yes, there are vile predatory men around. But the fact is they don't care what you're wearing.

Can I just come back and apologise if I have offended anyone.

I would feel more vulnerable wearing short or revealing clothes, but I absolutely understand that is just my feelings and the reality is that it wouldn't make any difference to a rapist.

My feelings could well be the result of the attitude of my parents, whose views are not my own.. I acknowledge this.

Again, my apologies if I have upset or offended anyone. That would never be my intention.

Sadly there are many people who think this, like the victim deserved it. A guy once said at my work ‘see what all those young lassies wear on a night out? No wonder they get raped!’ I asked him to clarify why what someone wears gives anyone the right to force them to have sex against their will? Why can men not control themselves instead of women being at fault. He just kept saying the same thing. It’s disgusting.

You and your daughter are vulnerable no matter what you wear. There is a single cause of rape and that’s rapists. I was wearing jeans, a jumper and a big winter coat….it made no difference .

I agree.

I heard an interview on the radio once with someone famous who had been raped a few decades earlier, can't remember who. She said she blamed herself for a long time but it was a protective thing along the lines of "well it's my fault because I got into the car with the men I didn't really know and I got drunk, so all I have to do is not put myself in that kind of situation again and I'll be fine".
More comforting than "it could happen to anyone regardless of what you do/wear."

Awful of that woman in the OP to be discussing someone else and talking about how another person had been raped.

I’m surprised you’re shocked, some women are the absolute worst when it comes to this - constantly judging and scrutinising. The idea that women are some homogenous mass who “fix each others’ crowns” is confected bullshit.

what she said is sick. I get though not saying something as it can be sometimes shock.
i was raped at knifepoint by tow men when I was 14. I had a long dress and was a child still. I remember the police doctor examine me and she wanted to perform an internal but I was traumatised, she then said to me ‘let’s face it you have had bigger things inside you’ the detective was disgusted and a complaint was made. Some women are just vile

In Iran a woman is blamed and beaten if she is sexually assaulted or raped even if she is covered up from head to toe as she has done something to cause the man to do it .

My female manager believes that a woman must have done something to make a man sexually assault / rape a woman . Men use rape and sexual assault to keep a woman in her place or take her down a peg or two . They also stir up other women and feed their jealousy encouraging to be violent and nasty to women who have got one over on them in some way . It's about control not sex .