Grandparents

[2ndmum2be]

Hi,

Looking for some unbiased advise as this has gone on so long.

We rent a house from my mum and dad. It was offered to us at a discounted rate of £850 6 years ago. The plan was they would make improvements it needed and eventually I'd would be signed over to my brother and myself.

They've done no improvements. Kitchen js the same one from 1980. It is a beautiful 4 bed house with alot of potential but unfortunately after paying the rent and large council tax for the area ect we have been living month to month.

A year after we moved in we had a baby and about a few months once I got back to work and after covid the rent was raised to £950.

We've always paid of course and not complained.. dispite broken promises ect it's fine we have made what we can of it.

But now I am mat leave with our 2nd. Finance are really rough this time round and I asked them for some help and the simply said no. No chance, will see what we can do but definitely not adjusting the rent. I even asked if we could have a small discount of what we are short by temporarily and when I'm back working we can pay it back.

Also for extra context, they are completely mortgage free and we were told the money we are paying is to help my dad's pension as he is self employed. But he has quit his job now, not found something else in a year but not claiming pension as he hopes to do something else. He told me to my face out rent money is now his pocket money to go drinking twice a week and he's currently in spain in an apartment they also own with my brother.

I don't mean to sound spoilt and entitled but it just hurts, even with thier grandbabies they just don't seem to care if we can't even afford to eat.

What are your thoughts? I've had some people say to stop paying 😅😂 but my mum isn't the most maternal and for you to say well she won't kick you and her grandchildren out...hmm I think she would. Same mother that when I was pregnant with our first...even after convincing us to move in here calling it a family home when I told her the nurse she advised we sign on for a council house 🙄🙈

We are stuck! The rent is cheap for the size and we couldn't find that anywhere else at the moment but it's also too high to be able to save for anything 🥺

Advice ?

Thank you

Could you apply for a council house? Or down size to a smaller property? Would that make the rent cheaper? If not, then I'd stay there for now. When you get a job, you can save up to buy your own property.

i have alreadly made provisions for my old age, all my children know what i want and require and non of it means they have to provide anything.

honestly todays generation is all take take take...

So you can't afford things so you thought having 2 children was a great Idea? Now they are to blame?

why should the Op get a council house? there are far more deserving families out there needed a home who cannot find £950 a month for rent alone.

the OP needs to wake up and move and stop moaning about how poor done too they are by mummy and daddy.

Given what you say about the state of the house, some of your bills will come down if you move elsewhere. There must be other ways to can lower your outgoings and accommodate an increase to rent by going elsewhere.

Why is this thread named grandparents? I’m assuming it’s to make them look as if they don’t care about their grandkids . Your house and financial situation in life is entirely your responsibility. However if I was them I would have agreed to help you out but you should not expect it!

Well said @Tourmalines

It has nothing to do with them being grandparents.

I'm in two minds how to respond.

On the one hand, I would not treat my own children the way your parents are treating you, there's nothing I wouldn't do to help them so I completely understand your pov.

However, while I understand your pov, they aren't doing anything wrong (morally perhaps). You are paying £950 for a 4 bed, you can't even get a 3 bed where I am for less than £1300 so whilst I understand that your financial circumstances won't stretch to what your parents are offering, you are actually in an incredibly privileged position to be renting such a large property for very little in terms of market value. Its worth remembering that (and I hate when people say this but it is valid) but it was your choice to have another child whilst in your financial situation.

Realistically, if your finances won't stretch, your only option is to move.

I think so too. Honestly, £950 per month is not bad for a good house of that size and that is thanks to your parents . People pay an awful lot more for far less.

Do you not get any pay on maternity leave? I've known women able to save money on mat leave because they are spending so much less than when they are at work.

If your joint income is low, you might be able to claim something, like UC. Do look into that.

In the meantime, carry on as you are; even if it is difficult, you are managing month to month and it is not forever.

I would have a word with your parents though, they may not realise how hard up you are.

Good luck.

Yes, do this. With no guilt.

Then they can rent it out for the real market value and you'll be helping your dad out with upping his "pension/pocket money"

Indeed! My point was that the OP seems to be expecting only her own parents to sub her and her family - not that grandparents should in general.

Your parents don't sound great to me, but ultimately if you can't afford a second child isn't that on you ?

It's nice if parents can help you out, but a lot of people don't get that help, either because their parents can't or won't. Do they subscribe to any "old" values where they expect your husband or his family to provide accommodation for your family ?

Your parents probably think they are doing you a favor, even though they are probably benefiting significantly from you being in the house - for example if they had actual "real" tenants they would need to put in a lot more effort and expense
keeping the place up to scratch. If they won't help it is maybe time for them to get a dose of reality.

I would probably just tell them that you are going to have to leave and find somewhere more suitable.

So how much is a 4 bed house on the open rental market in your area. How much is a 2 or 3 bed house in your area?
What is costing you a thousand a month on top of your rent ?
You have not given enough information for anyone to work with.
What is your joint monthly income and what are your fixed outgoing.

Where I am £950 gets you a studio/one bed in a house conversion or high rise, usually quite dated.

You've had reduced rent for six years but not saved anything and have chosen to have two children without forward planning for your future without relying on your parents. That's not on them

That's a really cheap rent where I am that's a room in a shared house. You must be on really bad wages

£2,000 + for a 3/4 bed house in my area.

£!,900 for a 3 bed flat.

The op's parents should do any repairs necessary but, other than that, I think their home is a bargain.

If it were a business they would be doing the work and making more.....maybe they felt the op should have done some work on the house before deciding to have a child seeing as the house is half there's and presumably the brother is paying in full for whatever he rents or is buying.
The rent is really cheap and many are paying £2k in bills to live in poorly insulated rented accommodation with mold on the walls at full rental price.

As the mother of adult children it’s not something I or my friends would do.
However we were discussing the other day if we were babying our children in that they are coming to rely on us bailing them out.
In you example you decide to have a second child without sorting out your finances. What would you have done if your parents were penniless and you were renting privately?
It’s a difficult one; how do you support adult children whilst letting them act like adults?

Why would you be happy for this to go back up?

@2ndmum2be , if you had a proper tenancy agreement your landlord would be obliged to make repairs and maintain the property. You’d be obliged to stick to the terms of your agreement and pay your rent.

instead you are paying for maintenance when things break… whilst the bigger things in the house slowly fall into disrepair.

Do you see how you are being taken advantage of?

So they support your brother at all?

*do

Check the status of your tenancy agreement. Don't just move out, when you decide that you are going to go contact environmental health and let them evict you. It's fine for them to charge you rent, but the house should be upto scratch. Is it old age pension your Dad hasn't claimed? If he dies, that money has just gone.

Have you seen the state of many legally rented places including housing trusts? My nephew....bad area of outer London pays £1800 a month for his tiny two bed doors don't lock, windows broken, no insulation, bathroom floor wrotten, kitchen cupboard....only one....has no shelves or draw as they collapsed and fell off the other cupboards fell apart. Had to buy own appliances. Finally had a gas safety check after 2 plus years supposed to be yearly.

Could you perhaps sublet one of the bedrooms to a lodger? Sounds as though you have enough space. The rental market is horrendous at the moment and it would be hard for you to find anywhere new that is cheap enough, but that could work in your favour as you would have your pick of lodgers.
Most councils now require tenants to be forcibly evicted by the courts before they house them, so putting yourself down for a council house is likely to be pointless.

Whether they would make more money on the rental market depends largely on the market value once in a rentable condition and whether or not they're currently paying tax on the rental income from OP. Since they're not paying for household repairs or to replace faulty appliances I would hazard a guess that they're not paying for landlords insurance or annual boiler checks either.

OP is getting a slating here, but the current situation is very cushty for the parents too.