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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have changed my mind about letting some people stay in our house while we are away

114 replies

noschoolmumrun · 28/07/2024 12:18

One of the school mums posted on a WhatsApp chat asking if anyone could help put her in laws up while they visited the UK from South Africa. It would be for a week.
Upshot is - I'm not feeling right now that our house is tidy/organised enough to offer to anyone else - let alone people we don't know.
She is coming round to look at our house this afternoon and I think I need to put her off.
I'm struggling a bit mentally with stuff and it's become another worry.

OP posts:
Amanitacae · 28/07/2024 12:22

When are they meant to arrive?

if the arrangement today is to allow her to say yes or no to your house, it would seem fair that you could still cancel from your end. If she’s coming to pick up the keys because they are arriving tomorrow you’d be giving her a complete nightmare

Kitkat1523 · 28/07/2024 12:23

You offered your home to a school mum for her family memember???? Absolutely no fecking way ….only my children or my mum could stay at mine when I’m away…..not even other family …just say no

HuongVuong3 · 28/07/2024 12:23

Just say that your family circumstances or situation have changed so they can no longer stay.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 28/07/2024 12:24

Unless they're literally arriving tomorrow I think it's totally reasonable to say on reflection you don't actually want people you don't know staying in your house while you're not there.

It's a massive ask from her, why can't they book an air BnB like most would in this situation?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 28/07/2024 12:24

When are they arriving?
six months time : fine to back out
tomorrow : suck it up

LeFromage · 28/07/2024 12:25

Are you a compulsive people pleaser OP? Did you jump in to offer? I have got myself into these situations before. Is she doing some kind of house inspection to make sure its suitable? Drop out as quickly as you can. Did DH/DP agree to this as well? You just need to wriggle out of it as quickly as possible to give her as much time as possible to sort something else out. It's a massive favour when AirBnB and hotels exist - you'd be saving someone £500+ so I do wonder why she can't sort them out herself - but you really really don't need to do it.

TheFlis · 28/07/2024 12:26

Why on earth would you offer your house up to complete strangers?? Just say no it no longer works for you.

Wedoourish · 28/07/2024 12:27

If you are going to back out you need to do it now!!

WhateverMate · 28/07/2024 12:27

Why the sudden turnaround though?

Never in a million years would I have agreed in the first place.

WaltzingWaters · 28/07/2024 12:29

It’s crazy that someone would ask that in the first place. And I’d never agree to complete and utter strangers staying in my house. But I guess it depends how long there is until they’re supposed to be arriving as to how unreasonable it would be to back out now. If they’ve plenty of time to find an affordable alternative then fine. If they’re arriving tomorrow and all reasonable accommodation options are fully booked it would be a bit shit.

PaTuBo · 28/07/2024 12:30

Contact her now before she turns up and say circumstances have changed and this no longer works for you.
But you need to act quickly. They'll just have to find an Airbnb

Alwaystimeforacupoftea · 28/07/2024 12:31

Just say you are very sorry to have messed her around, but you won't be able to offer the house for that week after all.

No need to explain, but there is a need to let her know straight away so she can spend the time looking for alternative accommodation.

BobbyBiscuits · 28/07/2024 12:33

The school mum is a piss taker for asking. Why in god's name can't they sleep in a hotel or air BnB? Or sleep on an airbed in this woman's lounge? They want a whole house, for a week for free. To house people you've never met or even heard of? Definitely make your excuses.
Even if it puts her out, tough. She shouldn't be imposing her in-laws on near strangers.

Gymnopedie · 28/07/2024 12:35

One of the school mums posted on a WhatsApp chat asking if anyone could help put her in laws up while they visited the UK from South Africa. It would be for a week.

Get a dictionary. Find the 'H' section. Then find the word hotel. Show it to her.

a building where you pay to have a room to sleep in, and where you can sometimes eat meals

It's obvious why she's done it but she's still a cf. And for someone who can be that cheeky I'd worry about how they might treat the house.

Marinade · 28/07/2024 12:37

Wow, why did you even respond to such an unbelievably forward and cheeky request? I can't comprehend how you could see it as reasonable for another school mum to put up your visiting family that they have never met for a week. How excruciating and awkward. Totally bonkers.

Just say unfortunately it is no longer possible due to unforeseen events that you can't go into at the moment, sorry etc.

DreamyCyanFinch · 28/07/2024 12:39

Don't do it.Always extra stress attached to letting someone stay at your place.You don't even know them.Do you have valuables at home?
Something islikely to get broken.
You're not even friends with school mum?

SoYoung · 28/07/2024 12:40

Contact her now before she arrives, say a major repair has cropped up and it's no longer possible to house guests.

I honestly can't understand why you offered in the first place though. Absolute nightmare.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 28/07/2024 12:41

If you said yes a while ago then yabu.
If you said recently that you might be able to help and nothing is set in stone yet, it's fine to say "Sorry, I've thought this through properly and realised it won't work for us so I can't actually help"

ByCupidStunt · 28/07/2024 12:44

I assume you're potentially being paid so the person coming to look at your house this afternoon hasn't taken you up on your offer yet.

longapple · 28/07/2024 12:45

Does your insurance cover people you don't know staying when you're not there? I'd say you've realised it doesn't so it's breaking mortgage terms. Perhaps you just changed mortgage provider and it was brought to your attention.

Bellyblueboy · 28/07/2024 12:46

It is crazy that the school mum asked and crazy that you said yes!!!!

I wouldn’t even dream of letting g strangers stay in my home.

is the school mum paying you? Why didn’t she just get an air bnb like a normal person?

very, very, very odd

Velvetcatfur · 28/07/2024 12:47

BobbyBiscuits · 28/07/2024 12:33

The school mum is a piss taker for asking. Why in god's name can't they sleep in a hotel or air BnB? Or sleep on an airbed in this woman's lounge? They want a whole house, for a week for free. To house people you've never met or even heard of? Definitely make your excuses.
Even if it puts her out, tough. She shouldn't be imposing her in-laws on near strangers.

She isn't a piss taker . She asked she didn't demand. If you want an example of a piss taker look up the Mexican Hose Thief thread / post .

LadyWhistled0wn · 28/07/2024 12:47

I'd just lie and say you got the dates wrong and your not away that week. Fuck that why did you say yes to begin with?

CheeseWisely · 28/07/2024 12:48

Echoing others I think it depends when they're due to arrive as to whether you can back out.

Having family of friends stay in the house is quite common in our circle, possibly because we live in a touristy place where hotels are really expensive and so is property, so many people don't have the space for visitors. I wouldn't mind someone staying in ours if we were away (and all the better if they wouldn't mind feeding and fussing the cat while they're there). Appreciate it's not for everyone though.

WhateverMate · 28/07/2024 12:49

I do hope this isn't another post and run, where the OP leaves out crucial information, and then just buggers off 🙄