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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have changed my mind about letting some people stay in our house while we are away

114 replies

noschoolmumrun · 28/07/2024 12:18

One of the school mums posted on a WhatsApp chat asking if anyone could help put her in laws up while they visited the UK from South Africa. It would be for a week.
Upshot is - I'm not feeling right now that our house is tidy/organised enough to offer to anyone else - let alone people we don't know.
She is coming round to look at our house this afternoon and I think I need to put her off.
I'm struggling a bit mentally with stuff and it's become another worry.

OP posts:
RoseMarigoldViolet · 28/07/2024 13:56

Lots of people here are saying that the SA person was unreasonable to ask for offers, but in the culture that I come from this would be perfectly normal. And in the UK area that I live now it has also happened in the school community.

Fuzziduck · 28/07/2024 13:57

Why on earth did you say yes?? They can inconvenience themselves and put them up, or sort a hotel.

Just message and say the situation has changed and your house is not available.
Send a link to vrbo and booking.com with your response.
DO NOT get railroaded into doing it. Something that asks for this type of favour, plus, comes to check on the offer beforehand will absolutely have no issue in pushing you into it now she knows it's empty.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 28/07/2024 13:58

Honestly, I think you should go ahead with it. You offered and she is relying on you. Maybe explain your circumstances and ask if she would pay for a cleaner before they arrive?

Tagyoureit · 28/07/2024 13:58

Here you go!

To have changed my mind about letting some people stay in our house while we are away
Sassybooklover · 28/07/2024 14:00

So you offered your home up for consideration, and your school Mum friend is coming to view this afternoon, to see if it's suitable? If this is the case, then simply message to say that you're sorry to mess her around but you will no longer be able to offer your home to her relatives, so therefore you are cancelling. On a personal level, there is no way, I'd be offering my home to people, I don't know and have never met. There must be hotels or Airbnb these relatives can stay, within the area.

VenusClapTrap · 28/07/2024 14:11

I was in this position and I just said sorry, circs have changed and we can no longer offer our house.

It’s not that unusual a situation, for those on the thread who are horrified. Lots of people use house sitters when they go away, and it can feel safer letting a friend (or family member) of a friend stay, rather than a complete stranger.

Someone has posted a similar request on our village WhatsApp this week.

Elsewhere123 · 28/07/2024 14:12

Plague of bedbugs discovered.

drane · 28/07/2024 14:19

I can't imagine in a million years offering this. I think it's fine for the woman to ask (since it was a general request and not aimed at a specific person I don't think it's cheeky), but I'm gobsmacked that anyone would say yes to offering your home to the extended family of a random acquaintance.

Bellyblueboy · 28/07/2024 14:25

drane · 28/07/2024 14:19

I can't imagine in a million years offering this. I think it's fine for the woman to ask (since it was a general request and not aimed at a specific person I don't think it's cheeky), but I'm gobsmacked that anyone would say yes to offering your home to the extended family of a random acquaintance.

cheeky or odd? The lady is too cheap to pay for accommodation for her relatives so asked if anyone was willing to put hem up for free?

it’s really quite odd to request such a huge favour from a group of people she doesn’t seem to know very well.

Notaboozy · 28/07/2024 14:25

Oh God just say no now - sounds like it's still early on in process

VividQuoter · 28/07/2024 14:26

Another reason to happily coast alone to school and back with just my child in mind and no one else's ridiculous issues like these ones.

drane · 28/07/2024 14:37

Bellyblueboy · 28/07/2024 14:25

cheeky or odd? The lady is too cheap to pay for accommodation for her relatives so asked if anyone was willing to put hem up for free?

it’s really quite odd to request such a huge favour from a group of people she doesn’t seem to know very well.

Show quote history

I guess it is odd but no one is obliged to reply to it. I'm more confused at the OP for saying yes

PBandJ111 · 28/07/2024 14:42

Say your house insurance won’t permit it.

Runsyd · 28/07/2024 14:47

Unless they're paying you, I wouldn't even consider it. Way too much potential for cheeky fuckery.

muddyford · 28/07/2024 14:49

When my friend visited relations in Australia they hardly ever paid for accommodation. They almost always house-sat for friends, neighbours or acquaintances of the relations. It was security for the house owners and cheaper for my friend. They fed pets, watered the gardens and generally kept things ticking over.

CoolShoeshine · 28/07/2024 14:55

What's actually for you in this arrangement op? Say no now

Longhotsummers · 28/07/2024 14:57

Our neighbours asked the same knowing we would be away for a fortnight, and were quite put out when I said no. Their relatives booked an airbnb in the end, which is what people on holiday do!

Bushmillsbabe · 28/07/2024 15:12

RoseMarigoldViolet · 28/07/2024 13:58

Honestly, I think you should go ahead with it. You offered and she is relying on you. Maybe explain your circumstances and ask if she would pay for a cleaner before they arrive?

I tend to agree with you, if you offer, you don't just pull out because you fancy it.

But it sounds like it's not fully agreed anyway, if the other school mum is coming round to check it will suit her in laws, she may decide it doesn't, and if was OP, I would do whatever I could to make her think that it wouldn't suit them.

ginslinger · 28/07/2024 15:15

I completely understand you changing your mind but you need to tell her now.
I've let friends of friends stay in my house. I've stayed in houses of people I don't know. It seems to be acceptable in my friendship group/neighbourhood. I'm glad if someone can be in my house while i'm away and water my plants and keep the burglars at bay without it costing me anything. I've had some lovely gifts in exchange. One family sent a case of champagne and another left a £200 voucher for a local restaurant that we had recommended to them.

AzureAnt · 28/07/2024 15:16

This is CFery at it's finest. Have these people not heard of hotels?

MounjaroUser · 28/07/2024 15:17

Just tell her asap. Don't even let her come to your house to check it over. Just say you're sorry, but you can't do it now. No need to give an explanation.

TossieFleacake · 28/07/2024 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This is a bit harsh.

Can't believe that people like this exist???

She is changing her mind about strangers staying in her house, not planning a mass shooting.

I should imagine OP is quite safe to raise children.

Starlingexpress · 28/07/2024 15:25

Yet another reason to avoid the school WA group.

swayingpalmtree · 28/07/2024 15:27

This is exactly why people pleasing benefits absolutely noone.

You end up agreeing to things you dont really want to do
They end up with high expectations
You then end up having to let them down which causes even more stress to everyone than if you'd just simply said no in the first place

When are they arriving? if they're arriving in a few days then YABU to back out now
If they are arriving in a couple of weeks or more then simply say its no longer convenient for you but you need to tell her ASAP.

Regardless of whether she's cheeky or not, you agreed to it and now you'll have to deal with backing out of it. Stop saying yes to people when you arent 100% sure!!

lefthandedcat · 28/07/2024 15:30

Tagyoureit has the answer - you 'have' covid.