DS is a naturist

[Cocopogo]

DS told me he was meeting a friend yesterday. When he got back he had a wet towel and no swim shorts, he said he left them at the swimming baths. Later he put his phone on charge and there was a card sticking out the back (one of though stick on card holders) with a photo. I thought it was his student ID and had a look at it to see the photo of DS except the card was for British naturism. DS is 19 however I’ve always been quite involved in his life due to his ND and him having form for ‘odd’ behaviour. I’m concerned that he has gone out meeting lots of people off the net and stripped off. I spoke to him and he was of course defensive. He admitted that it was mainly men and this is the second event he has attended. He also believes it’s normal and 1 in 20 people do this kind of thing. I think his stats are way off and it’s nonsense from this organisation.
He’s a teenager, he’s never had a relationship, he’s probably curious but I don’t think this is the way to go about it.
I’m not sure what my AIBU is, I guess to tell him this is weird and he shouldn’t be doing it?

Naturism isn’t sexual. Some people prefer not to wear clothes. I don’t think people are naturists for sexual reasons anymore than people join model railway clubs for sexual reasons.

Tell him this is weird and he shouldn’t be doing it and watch him pull back from you even further, not confide with you who he really is and ruin his self image. Christ. Just because you wouldn't do something doesn't mean everyone else who does do it is odd. Maybe he is curious about other things too, telling him is odd is only going to damage your relationship. If it has a legitimate membership and he is 19, leave him to it.

Yes I can see why you might be concerned if you believe ha is vulnerable.

However surely events organised by a legitimate organisation is the safest environment, its not just random people stripping off.

You can tell him but he is an adult who can make his own decisions. He hid it from you because he knew you were not going to be supportive and that tells you something. As an ND woman (and I appreciate every ND person is different), I still have capacity to decide what activities to participate in. I don't know the statistics for naturism but I have been to plenty of nudist beaches in my life to know it is generally a very safe environment. I think you maybe confusing naturism with orgies and it is nothing of sorts.

It's not your cup of tea and that's OK but your son is 19 and can do what he likes. Don't tell him it's weird and he shouldn't be doing it, he will only become more defensive and secretive.

I think it's reasonable to be concerned about him meeting strangers off the internet for naturist activities. Such groups will inevitably attract some people who are exploitative by nature and given your sons age and neurodiversity I think it would be sensible to have a conversation with him about how to stay safe when meeting strangers from the internet.

Do you think it's a cover for orgies and unprotected sex? If so, maybe have a chat with him about safe sex. If he's ND maybe also have a chat with him about where it's appropriate to be naked just in case. But if he's joining an organisation then he should be fine. There are much much worse organisations and movements which he could be getting caught up with! I have an ND child and if this is the worst of my worries when he's 19 I'll be very happy.

This

Hmmm, Naturists have never sat comfortably with me, regardless of how they try to portray themselves.

I think given it’s mainly men too it’s clearly not the happy clappy thing he’s making it out to be and how long before there’s pictures on him on the net for the world to see?
I guess we’ve always lived in an ND world where our family is odd but I just wish he’d take up a sport or something!

Naturism is not weird, pervy or worrying. My parents were members of a naturist club when I was a kid and it is just a lot of boring middle-aged people sitting around chatting except that at any given moment some of them will be naked. Even in those days there tended to be more men than women, but there certainly were women, and families too. Maybe he just gets on better with the men because he is a man himself?

I went out with someone who is a naturist.

I really couldn't see why he needed to be nude in a swimming pool instead of wearing swim shorts at events with children. I didn't think he had bad intentions but it didn't make sense to me as a man is 90% naked at a pool anyway.

My initial instinct around naturism is to think it’s grim, who wants to see naked people everywhere.
However I quickly realised that as an autist being naked is the most comfortable I ever am (not around others though!), as clothes are such a sensory nightmare. I am not, and never will be, a naturist, but I get the appeal.

He is 19 it is not up to you

Agreed. I've got friends who are naturists. It's not for me but they're quite normal people. They just enjoy going to beaches unencumbered by clothes.

Well quite, far better that than doing something that might actually make him happy eh? Let's hope his sexuality doesn't turn out to be something you think is weird and not normal too..

As someone whose DS and DH played rugby and cricket, the irony of wishing he would take up a sport so he'd never have to be surrounded by naked men.

Offer to go with him next time?

DH and I were naturists when DCs were small. We joined a club (mostly families and a very safe enclosed area for children to play), went on naturist holidays and went naturist swimming in the winter. I now have two adult sons who grew up seeing the human body in all shapes ages and sizes as being completely normal and not being exposed to nothing but the airbrushed, unrealistic images that most teenagers see on the internet- and yes, whatever your feelings are about nakedness, they will look. As a consequence neither of my boys has body hangups about whether they are 'normal'. I did a good thing!!

I used to go to nudist beaches with my parents, as a pp said it’s just the usual (boring) small talk without clothes. I never had to strip off if I didn’t want to. I think it’s his choice.

I just read the OP, and thought something similar. My DS is autistic and he will wear the minimal amount of clothing possible. He wears shorts and T-shirt in the winter with no hoodie/coat. Maybe naturism appeals to your DS because of this. I’m not sure how I would feel about it though!

@Tartfullodger whats his sexuality got to do with anything?

If he's autistic are you sure it's not a sensory thing?

I agree with others that this sounds pretty safe especially if it’s organised by a recognised group. I also think it might be that any sensory issues are helped for him by being naked in the fresh air. Hell, I’m not a naturist but I’ve really enjoyed the freedom of having my whole body out in a few appropriate areas (eg spas in Germany or Scandinavia).

However, I do know of one situation where a group of older men were using “naturism” as a way to try to entrap and predate on unsuspecting vulnerable younger men so that’s made me a bit cautious.

I think the best way to handle this is as for any other hobby he might have found that involves meeting internet strangers - be warm and accepting and let him know he can always come to you with any concerns, and talk to him about keeping safe especially with people you’ve only met online, and let him go for it. If you show disapproval you’ll only push him away and make him feel unable to come to you for help in the unlikely event there is anything dodgy going on.

I'm not sure you're correct about model railway clubs. I think there is a lot puffing and shunting going on in the sidings.

Well maybe he's gay or not sure of his sexuality and this environment seems like a safe way for him to work things out. Maybe the meet ups are not as wholesome as he's making out but he's an adult who can do what he likes with other consenting adults.

If this is an organised naturist group I would imagine there are strict rules about photos.

Apart from photos of him on the internet I'm not quite sure what your concerns are. You haven't mentioned anything about your son's safety, in your shoes that would be my only concern. Keep the channels of communication open so you can offer him support and guidance about how to keep himself safe.

You don't have to approve but please don't make him more vulnerable by being judgemental and forcing him to be secretive.