DS is a naturist

[Cocopogo]

DS told me he was meeting a friend yesterday. When he got back he had a wet towel and no swim shorts, he said he left them at the swimming baths. Later he put his phone on charge and there was a card sticking out the back (one of though stick on card holders) with a photo. I thought it was his student ID and had a look at it to see the photo of DS except the card was for British naturism. DS is 19 however I’ve always been quite involved in his life due to his ND and him having form for ‘odd’ behaviour. I’m concerned that he has gone out meeting lots of people off the net and stripped off. I spoke to him and he was of course defensive. He admitted that it was mainly men and this is the second event he has attended. He also believes it’s normal and 1 in 20 people do this kind of thing. I think his stats are way off and it’s nonsense from this organisation.
He’s a teenager, he’s never had a relationship, he’s probably curious but I don’t think this is the way to go about it.
I’m not sure what my AIBU is, I guess to tell him this is weird and he shouldn’t be doing it?

Yes if somebody would like to go on a naturist holiday at approved campsites/ hotels for example. Single men aren't allowed at a resort that is family oriented, that sort of thing.

Nudity amongst young men was once quite the norm in England and the USA, e.g. bathing, swimming, etc. The modern sexualisation of almost everything, and the relating (in some people's minds) of the male body with abuse, seems to have put a stop to that. Less of an issue in some N.European countries.

It's grim, most people look better with some clothes on. The human body is not always a pretty sight.

Families? You think small children sitting around naked people is normal? That's really disturbing

I've been to naturist events. I like them. I like feeling the sun and wind and water all over my body. It really is far more pleasant without a cold clammy swimsuit sticking to you.

It's got nothing to do with aesthetics. No one is there to admire the pretty bodies; if they were they'd be wildly disappointed. It's just people without clothes and it's fine. I can't even begin to explain how unsexual the vibes are.

If your son was looking for sex clubs, as 19 year old with access to the internet he'd absolutely be able to find them. But this is not that.

I think support him in being himself and keep communication open. Because he is ND, yes, I would be concerned with him attracting attention of people with ill intentions.

The only person who I know who is in to naturism has a history of child sexual offences and specifically goes to ‘family naturist events’ where children are present (he has no minor children himself, his adult children are NC for obvious reasons). A Google search of the resort he attends definitely shows he isn’t the only perv out there who goes to these events. There are definitely some ‘reviews’ and ‘fan fiction’ written by people with an interest in children. This isn’t in the UK, so no idea if this sort of place exists here.

I don’t think naturism itself is inherently sexual or the same as cruising (though there is some overlap between naturist and cruising beaches, for example), but it can attract some weirdos, like my family member, who are there because it normalises their offending by calling it an expression of personal freedom, even what it actually is for him is indecent exposure to children and getting to see other people’s children naked, without getting arrested for it anymore.

I can't even begin to explain how unsexual the vibes are.

As I understand it most naturist clubs don't allow lone men to join without a female partner. What other reason for this can there be apart from the obvious one?

I don't think the standard 'nothing sexual about it' response does naturism a favour. Better to be honest, like the man in the Guardian I posted upthread, and admit that seeing people naked even in a naturist context can be a source of erotic thoughts and responses.

And there's something odd about naturists always emphasising that naturist groups are full of odd-looking people whom no one could find sexually arousing to look at. If there's one thing Pornhub has taught us, it's that it's not just Page 3 and the Chippendales who are considered sexually alluring.

Good on him

So bloody what? It's not your business, he's an adult. He has the right to his own private life.

Unless he doesn't have capacity to make decisions for himself, at 19 it's his choice. There is nothing inherently wrong with swimming naked or naturism more generally. I quite like swimming in the sea without a costume myself. Unless you believe he is being taken advantage of then it's time to keep quiet on this one

Ultimately, he's a grown man and if he wants to get naked around other naked people, he's perfectly entitled to do that, even if you think it's weird.

Even if 'naturist swimming' is a front for some kind of sex thing, again, that's entirely up to him; he's an adult and you can't expect to police his private life.

I should add at the local spring which was popular as a clothing optional spot they have had to bring in clothes required but that was down to teens using it for sex and leaving litter including broken glass.

That really isn't the point, though.

Do you not remember being 19 and intrigued by things? Trying things out to see if they were for you? Finding out who you were? That's what he's doing.

If you tell him that his interest is weird and he shouldn't be doing it, he's going to withdraw from you and probably throw himself into it more, even if it's not really who he is.

If it is who he is, then it's good that he's doing it with an organisation full of like minded people, where there will be no judgement. Rather than just stripping off on the local beach by himself.

It may be that in a few weeks/months he realises he's not actually that interested in it as a way of life. Or, maybe he will decide this is the lifestyle he wants. And if it is, you telling him it's weird or wrong or anything will likely see you excluded from his life all together.

British Naturism is a pretty well-established organisation, by the way. They run events all over the country, like swimming and holidays and stuff. It's been around for decades. I had to interview one of their representatives once (glad to say he was fully clothed throughout).

I personally cannot think of anything worse than getting naked around a bunch of strangers. I'd rather die! But it's a pretty harmless activity for a bunch of adults to want to go swimming or sunbathing naked at a private session, if that's what they want to do. If you're concerned that your son has joined some sort of weird sex club (not that it would be your business if he had) then you really don't need to worry, because that absolutely isn't what the British Naturism organisation is.

I'm sure there are pervs who turn up to these events for a thrill. But there are also pervs who get turned on by watching people work out fully clothed at the gym, or looking at people's bare feet at the pool/beach, or any number of other things that don't involve nudity at all.

If he's ND, he might feel more comfortable unclothed. I have naturist friends, they are the most normal people I know.

Your reaction OP will make him less likely to confide in you.

Naturism in the UK is mainly couples, but many places ban single men. Which is why I suspect he is part of a group that is mainly men.

I thought it was his student ID and had a look at it to see the photo of DS

Did he believe that?

I do think you need to talk to him calmly about it all, just to make sure he is aware, careful, safe.

I don't.

A friend introduced me to naturism earlier this year by inviting me to a swim session. I enjoyed it and have been going regularly since then. There are more men than women, though there are plenty of women too. It feels safe and respectful and there are people from all walks of life, so it's very inclusive. It's another social evening for me now and I'm glad my friend invited me. BN has a website, have you looked at it?

I can’t remember who it was that was talking about children in some cultures being totally realistic about female bodies because they all went to sauna with their grandmother (some TV personality/comedian). My family are not naturists but going to sauna with a grandmother (or any other relative) was a normal part of growing up. Bodies are not shameful and I don’t see what is so disturbing about a naked body.

No one is saying that there's anything inherently disturbing about a naked body. This is always used as a way of obfuscating and derailing conversations whenever women, in particular, raise concerns about nakedness. The implication is always that it's prudishness that makes women uncomfortable around naked strangers. It's not, it's all about context and boundaries. A naked body on a nudist beach or at a naturist club is one thing. A naked male stranger getting into the shower with you in the women's changing rooms is something else entirely.

I worked for a while in Sweden and Finland and discovered that both those countries have complex protocols regarding nakedness in saunas and for swimming. In some contexts nakedness was expected, in others people were shocked that I would ask whether to wear a towel or swimsuit because apparently it was obvious that I'd need one.