DS is a naturist

[Cocopogo]

DS told me he was meeting a friend yesterday. When he got back he had a wet towel and no swim shorts, he said he left them at the swimming baths. Later he put his phone on charge and there was a card sticking out the back (one of though stick on card holders) with a photo. I thought it was his student ID and had a look at it to see the photo of DS except the card was for British naturism. DS is 19 however I’ve always been quite involved in his life due to his ND and him having form for ‘odd’ behaviour. I’m concerned that he has gone out meeting lots of people off the net and stripped off. I spoke to him and he was of course defensive. He admitted that it was mainly men and this is the second event he has attended. He also believes it’s normal and 1 in 20 people do this kind of thing. I think his stats are way off and it’s nonsense from this organisation.
He’s a teenager, he’s never had a relationship, he’s probably curious but I don’t think this is the way to go about it.
I’m not sure what my AIBU is, I guess to tell him this is weird and he shouldn’t be doing it?

Why would there be photos of him on the internet. I presume these groups don't allow phones of for pics to be taken.

What's wrong with being naked ? And anyway he's 19. He can do what he likes.

I’m at a naturist festival this weekend. It does seem to attract a strong ND male element, but the BN events are very safe and he will likely make strong, supportive friendships if he keeps going regularly.

19 year old bloke goes skinny dipping. Sounds more normal to me than it seems to sound to you.

He's not hurting anyone.

Naturism per se in the right place with the right people IS FINE. All you need to do is to talk to him about making sure where he goes is legal, he is with people that aren't looking to exploit him and that he is safe. Other than that it is his business.

That's a you problem.
I'm not a naturist, and also accept that perverts exist in all walks of life, but naturism in itself is perfectly acceptable.
@Cocopogo the naturism is perhaps less of an issue than the meeting random folk off the internet.

Depends what you want. Do you want to say your piece, feel like you’re right, and push him away? Then tell him it’s weird etc. do you want to understand people live different kinds of lives, be curious instead of judgemental, and maintain a relationship? Then ask him to help you understand why he likes it, and offer him guidance in staying safe while doing it, like being wary of any sexual advances. Your choice.

Hmm sounds a lot like grooming.

Are these other naturists a lot older than he is?

Bloody hell that's a jump😂🤷🏼‍♀️

He doesn't want to be confined to wearing clothes all the time, leave him to it for gods sake.

I just don't understand why there have to be events why can't people just be naked at home

I'm not a naturalist, but I can understand the appeal in that I think that swimming naked is far more enjoyable than with a costume.
I would say that the group element is partly a way to feel less threatened while breaking social norms, and in this case, seeing as the break it isn't hurting anyone then I would try and be supportive.

Some people enjoy being naked outside and there's nothing wrong with that, if it's in clearly marked locations and nobody is coerced.

Do they issue cards for this? And if so do people actually carry them around? I have never heard of it. Also those card holders on the back of phones are only big enough for a drivers license and credit card so I can’t imagine why your son would be carrying his around.

Maybe they have to sign some sort of contract (regarding safeguarding, no photography etc) and get the card to allow them to partake in meet-ups etc?

If he'd been to an event where he needed to show the card to get, it makes total sense to be carrying it.

The sun on bare skin is a lovely sensation - my main worry would be applying sunscreen. An organised event should be as safe as any other organised event, clothes on or off. I would be no more worried than if he joined a gym or took up an allotment or something. (I might worry about railway modelling - that can be very space-consuming if it comes into the home.)

Then it’s nice of you to sit with them at all. Is there, like, a table between you?

If it is an organised event, at a local swimming pool, certain things are put in place to make it a safe place to be. Especially if a local authority venue is used.

I assume British Naturism on their website may list membership and so you can check all is genuine to be reassured. You can probably check if the event is members only.

I cannot imagine 1 in 20 people go to swimming events such as your DS described though.

Yes, I can understand your concern, OP. One of my friends has a ND son who masks very well for half an hour around a lunch table and manages to live independently with support, but is very vulnerable and easily exploited. He's been exploited in his workplace where a fellow worked kept borrowing money from him and not paying it back, for example.

This year he's started going to male saunas. One of the gay men contacted his mother, wanting to make sure she knew about it because he felt her son was in danger of exploitation. He and some of the other gay guys had kept an eye on him, but were concerned for his well-being.

I'm not trying to link being gay or being a naturist with sexual or exploitative behaviour, but they are both situations where any 19-year-old would potentially be vulnerable. I really don't think that naturists can just say that there's no link between nudity and eroticism and so nothing to worry about. This letter to the Guardian from a naturist indicates that sexual feelings and nakedness can't be severed:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2007/jun/06/comment.comment

It may be that your DS is exploring his sexual feelings, OP. Nothing wrong with that but I can entirely understand your concern.

British Naturism have loads of info on their website and they have a safeguarding policy for children and vulnerable adults
https://www.bn.org.uk/news/information/about-bn/safeguarding-children-and-vulnerable-adults-r48/

Perhaps you should speak to them (not identifying your son) to discuss your concerns? I'm sure you're not the first person to be concerned.

whats his sexuality got to do with anything?

Hes probably gay and exploring this through the groups. He could be getting defensive because he either hasn't figured it out yet or just doesn't want to 'come out'.

Some people, especially ND people, like being naked, and not wearing clothes. I get that you wish he was in a different hobby group, but this is his interest for now. Perhaps it's connected with meeting other naked men, perhaps not, but either way, he is an adult, it's legal to meet other adult naked men and spend time together, in fact, in a club he's probably better off with other members looking out for his wellbeing. He may make friends. He might find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or have casual sex.

He's 19 now and I completely get why you are worried about his vulnerability, I have one child I worry about as they aren't very good at discerning the intentions of others and I think that makes them more vulnerable to not nice people, but I can't live their life for them and I can't stop them meeting people now they are over 18.

The best thing you can do is to keep the lines of communication open, don't go on about this, it's his private life, but make sure you have time together, in the car, chatting over meals, anything so if he does get into a difficult situation you are the one he would talk to, or encourage other friends/relationships where that might happen (including possibly therapy) if you are worried.

I don't mean he needs therapy as he's going to nudist events, more that it has helped one of my ND children a lot as an adult to have a good strong therapeutic relationship with someone who is not me, and knows about neurodiversity, to support them now they are more independent but still a bit vulnerable.

He’s not being naked at home! I have 15 yo DD

He has neither a drivers license or credit card! But he had just returned from the swimming baths and put his phone on charge

Naturism is common where I am and as far as I can tell it's mostly about cutting down on washing and not wanting to have a clammy bathing suit sticking to you when you get out of the water 😅. I've partaken a bit at thermaes and I'm not opposed to it, it generally is more comfortable and practical.